Sharing Your Story

Dear readers,

It's been said many times, many ways: it takes a village [to raise a child].
When is a child fully raised?
My answer : never. As long as we're living, we are never done learning and growing.


Lately I've been a bit more open on my social media about some of my struggles and the ways I'm trying to improve my character.
I've talked about depression, anxiety, mental health, fear, frustration, anger, flaws, etc.
I've had a few comments and messages saying, "thank you for being authentic."
Some people probably look at those comments and think, "if they only knew 'dut da dah' about Nicole, she's not sharing ALL of her truths, therefore; not being authentic."
On a recent blog post, I wrote :
"Sharing every nitty gritty detail of your life with everyone isn't what makes you authentic. 

Authentic = genuine = sincere = truthful = free from deceit.

If someone wants to ask a question I will do my best to respond with truth."
I withhold some bits for various reasons, but mainly, it boils down to my journey in loving others well.

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 

It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 

It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails."

1 Corinthians 13:4-8a NIV

Just because it's part of my story, and I'm open about most parts, doesn't mean everything is appropriate to share with everyone.
Sharing my story should not include sharing parts of other’s story if it sheds a bad light on them, and that is where my struggle lies.
Or, maybe, eventually everything will get shared, but that's something I'm relying on God to reveal in His time, for His glory.

“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”
‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭4:29‬ ‭NIV‬‬

“A gossip betrays a confidence; so avoid anyone who talks too much.”
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭20:19‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Many have gone before me, many are struggling right along side me, and many will walk through similar situations in the future.
If a bit of my story helps someone else feel less alone then that's an accomplishment toward part of what I feel we're here for each other for : community.

Have you found your village to share your joys and trials with?

Do you feel sharing bits of your story helps you or others more?

Thank you for taking some of your precious moments to 

read some of what's been on my heart + mind.

Peace be with you.

Love well,

Nicole

Emotional Health + Conflict Resolution

If you don't have at least one person in your life who speaks the difficult truths, find someone!
I am incredibly thankful to have a counselor who isn't afraid to speak difficult wisdom(s) into me.
I have a lot of flaws and areas that need maturing, and having someone point these things out has allowed leaps and bounds of growth in my emotional health.

Eight months ago, when my counselor told me I was emotionally stunted, I had a tantrum/meltdown/emotionally flooded moment.
I thought, 'how dare she tell me, 28-year-old mother of two little girls, that I was lacking.
How am I supposed to raise two, emotionally strong, confident woman when I don't possess those qualities for them to mirror?'

My counselor was trying to point out that I lacked tools to properly navigate healthy conflict resolution.
My response to conflict was to blow up, get defensive, and allow my pride to rule.
In my mind, whoever yells louder, says meaner things, or shuts the other person up "wins" the conflict.
I know that most definitely is not a healthy method to resolution, but I didn't know how to quit the habit of reacting instead of responding.

Mindfulness comes to mind, and especially this article I read :
"Have you heard the expression "name it to tame it?" As far as the brain is concerned, once you name an emotion, you automatically reduce its intensity."
"Instead of judging our anger as right or wrong, good or bad, should or shouldn't, mindfulness helps us to simply accept the reality that this is what we are feeling. We don't have to like it, we just have to accept that it is what it is."
Kellie Edwards in this article shared on Motherly.

You might be asking, "so what ARE you doing to gain positive growth in your emotional health?"
I read any and all articles + books + images relating to positive emotional health, and try my hardest to put all the tools I'm learning to use.
My main source is The Gottman Institute.
I follow them on Facebook + Instagram.

I also keep it at the forefront of my mind that I am raising a 2.5-year-old and a 4-year-old that need to learn how to properly tend to their emotional health so this vicious cycle doesn't go on for generations to come. 

The initial struggle was in the logistics.

How do you teach something that you have little knowledge about?

The beauty has been in leading by example, but also learning + growing together.

The beauty has been when I fail to keep myself calm and my 4-year-old says, "do you want to start again, momma?" 

The beauty has been in practicing + maturing in new habits of grace, forgiveness, and self-control.

How do you deal with conflict resolution? 

Do you think you are emotionally stunted or emotionally strong?

Peace + Growth.

Love well,

Nicole

Rebuild & Bloom

Hello friend!

At the beginning of 2017 God gave me two words over the year : Rebuild & Bloom.

Rebuild has meant starting at the foundation!
I now begin my day by reading the Bible, praying & turning on worship music. 
This "small" change has had BIG impacts on how the rest of my day now goes.

The more I grow in Christ, the more I realize :
I am solely a vessel for God to use to further His Kingdom!

My devotional this morning was all about how God comforts us through our afflictions (something that causes pain or suffering) so that we can be a comfort to others when they go through something similar.

Are you in the midst of a trial? 
I want to pray for you, offer words of encouragement, or just help you seek Jesus' most awesome comfort!

"The Lord your God is with you,

He is mighty to save.

He will take great delight in you,

He will quiet you with His love, 

He will rejoice over you with singing." 

Zephaniah 3:17

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. 

Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, 

for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." 

Joshua 1:9

"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit.

Rather, in humility, value others above yourselves."

Philippians 2:3

In a rut with your daily devotions?

Read a Proverb a day!! Take notes! 

"Their [the Proverbs] purpose is to teach people wisdom and discipline, 

to help them understand the insights of the wise.

Their purpose is to teach people to live disciplined

and successful lives, to help them do 

what is right, just, and fair."

Proverbs 1:2-3

"Guard your heart above all else,

for it determines the course of your life."

Proverbs 4:23

"The seeds of good deeds become a tree of life;

a wise person wins friends."

Proverbs 11:30

Married? Have kids? Are you a living, breathing human?

Here are a couple of my favorite verses...

"Kind words are like honey...

sweet to the soul

and healthy for the body.:

Proverbs 16:24

"For you have been called to live in freedom,

my brothers and sisters.

But don't use your freedom to satisfy your sinful nature.

Instead, use your freedom

to serve one another in love."

Galatians 5:13

"Too much talk leads to sin.

Be sensible and keep your mouth shut."

Proverbs 10:19

My best encouragement is for you to really take an evaluation of your life.

Where is your number one priority?

Is it relationship with Jesus? Yes? Then keep on keeping on!

Is it anything other than Jesus? Yes? Then SEEK Jesus first, above everything else!

Vaya con Dios (Go with God),

Nicole

Love Languages for Kids

Here are the 5 love languages given by Gary Chapman : 

Words of Affirmation

Acts of Service

Receiving Gifts

Quality Time

Physical Touch

Do you know your child's love language?

Penelope is three and a half and it is extremely noticeable that words of affirmation is her top love language, followed closely by physical touch. Penny can wake up in a sour mood and all it takes are some compliments and a mini back-rub to turn her day around.

Lillian is two and I've caught on that her top love language is physical touch followed by quality time. In Lilly's perfect world we would spend an hour staring into each other's eyes while I hold her in my lap, allowing one of her hands to be on my chest while the other rests on her chest - all in silence of course. 

Children need love, lots and lots of love. 

I think it's very important that children are shown love in a variety of ways. 
But if you can pinpoint how they receive it best, do that love language most!


Words of Affirmation

• compliments
• encouragement
• positive reinforcement
• cautious of speaking in harsh tones

Acts of Service

• doing the tasks they can't do for themselves (when they're older do tasks for them that they have learned to do for themselves, but don't enable laziness)
• helping them practice sports, flash cards for tests, instruments, etc.
• teaching them the importance of serving others
• fix broken toys, sew buttons/tears/rips on clothing

Receiving Gifts

• homemade cards (spend time on a nice picture or words)
• small/inexpensive trinkets
• well thought out large/expensive gifts
• items from nature (rocks, leaves, etc.)

Quality Time

• Go on a one-on-one date
• Read books, make crafts, adventure outside, play
• Put away distractions, get on their level, and just BE with them (for at least a half hour)
• Ask open-ended questions to encourage conversation 

Physical Touch

• hugs
• hand on shoulder
• hold hands
• back/foot/hand rubs

Us parents have the difficult task of shaping and raising future generations.  

 Thankfully, the Beatles make it sound easy when they say, "all you need is love."

They still bring up this "magical adventure meal"
when they got to eat in the window seat
because we sold our dining table.

Love well, friends! 
Love well!

20 Things I Want You To Know & Remember

Dear little love,

I promise to always love you. 

I promise to always welcome you with an open heart & arms. 

I am beyond blessed that God gifted me with you.

I am here to help guide you in creating a wonderful life...

20 things I want you to know & remember. 

1. Love God. Above all else, pursue relationship with Jesus. Every day should start with, "Hello, Jesus!" and end with "Goodnight, God!" Pray without ceasing.
2. Go on adventures; no matter how big or small. 
3. Be a great friend.
4. Create. Play. Draw. Paint. 
5. Read something every day.
6. Get outside as much as possible. Breathe in the fresh air. Explore the outdoors. 
Skip. Jump. Run. Climb. 
7. Ooze positivity. You & those around you will benefit greatly.  
8. Accept others for who they are. 
9. Exude the fruit of The Spirit : love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness & self-control.
10. Keep it simple. 
11. Be confident in who you are.
12. Maintain your health : body, mind & spirit.
13. Love well. Love God, family, friends, acquaintances & strangers. 
14. Laugh often.
15. Enjoy your life. Enjoy the good, bad, ugly & beautiful. 
16. Sometimes all it takes is remembering to "just breathe." 
17. Admit when you're wrong & always apologize if you need to. 
18. Never lose who you are by trying to impress someone else. 
19. Make family a priority.  
20. You are enough. Quit comparing. You were created because this world needed a YOU! We need your stories, passions, experiences, failures & love. This world was meant to exist with you & everything you have to offer. So just be YOU! 

I'll love you forever,

momma

Children's Books

READ!

My mother was a librarian for 14 years of my childhood.

What did this mean for me?

I spent a gazillion hours in the public library thumbing through an assortment of stories.

I was carried away to distant lands. I had fictional friends. I learned & dreamed & explored.

Reading is magical. 

We have so many favorite children's books!
Here are some of our most favorites...

The Jesus Storybook Bible by Sally Lloyd-Jones 

I Love You Through & Through by Bernadette Rossetti 

Giraffe's Cant Dance by Giles Andreae

Llama Llama Nighty Night by Anna Dewdney

Geraldine's Big Snow by Holly Keller
A Porcupine Named Fluffy by Helen Lester
Panda-monium! by Cynthia Platt
The Mitten by Jan Brett
The Twelve Dancing Princesses by Marianna Mayer
Duck & Goose Find a Pumpkin by Tad Hills
God Knows All About Me by Kate Toms
Are You A Cow? by Sandra Boynton
Ten Little Ladybugs by Melanie Gerth
Witzy's Fun Bath by Katie Kobble
P-O-T-T-Y by Kathy Ireland

I encourage you to read to your children! 

Open up new world's for them.

Create a special bond through reading together. 

I promise you, your child(ren) won't be the only one benefiting! 

Enjoy!

Nicole

Marriage Is What You Make It

Marriage is seriously all about what YOU put into it.

You can't change your spouse.

But you can change your attitude.

Sometimes you won't like each other, but always chose to love through it.

If you both give 100% that's when things jive!

Pray for your spouse daily. 

Pray for your marriage.

Protect your marriage.

Don't speak ill of your spouse to anyone! 

Find out your spouse's love language. 

It may change constantly.

Loving your spouse well makes a huge positive difference.

You should be able to express an opinion without an argument ensuing.

Not everything has to turn into an epic battle!

Fight FOR each other & not against each other!

In my short 7 years of married life I've noticed seasons in our marriage.

Really good & really not good times.

I can almost always correlate it with what I'm putting IN.

Be intentional. Mix it up.

Love. Love well. Love always.

4 Ways To Be "Wild" When Married and/or A Parent

Dearest friends, 

How are you? Truly? 

I am coming out of a season of depression. But it was also a season of growing & learning.

And a season of figuring out what's most important to me.

I've been realizing how many different ways life can go. 

As a wife & mom I pride myself in being the source of stability. 

I am the constant. I am who they can always count on.  

I get the mundane daily tasks done. 

But I also don't want to get so caught up in routine that life looses it's fun-factor! 

I just read a quote :: wild wife = wild life.

So here I have written :

Four Ways To Be "Wild" When Married and/or A Parent

1. YOU NEED TO BE A LITTLE SELFISH!

*This is the toughest one for me because I constantly think 

"how will this affect my husband/daughters?"*

Get to know yourself!
What makes you happy?
Take time to meet a friend for coffee/wine/whatever floats your boat.
Go for a drive or run errands - all alone!
Then you can come back refreshed - even if it was just a five minute drive to the gas station to pick up anti-diarrhea meds.
Being a little selfish doesn't mean leaving on a month-long sabbatical to get your head on straight while spending gobs of cash that you don't have to spend. I know we could all use one of those - but don't be that selfish!
Most of the time when you take time for yourself you become a better, happier you.
Happier you = happier people around you.

2. LET LOOSE!
Spilled milk? I'm pretty sure someone somewhere has given a tutorial on how to clean it up.
No need to throw a bigger tantrum than your two-year-old.
Practice being care-free.
Roll with whatever life throws your way.
Don't sweat the small stuff.
Daily dance parties!


3. CHANNEL YOUR INNER-CHILD
Again - daily dance parties!
Kids do stuff without caring what people think - you should follow suit.
Quit worrying about being judged.
Let your insecurities fly out the window.
Laugh! Have fun!


4. PURSUE NEW THINGS
Don't be afraid to go on adventures together.
The thought of a whining child, or a complaining spouse are enough to make anyone want to turn around. But I encourage you to push through!
Have an interest in something but it's too expensive? Search Craigslist or Facebook Sell Sites.
Ask friends & family if they have one you can borrow, give you, or chip in for.
A lot of times you just need to vocalize your want in order to receive it.

I hope you all feel a little more confident finding your WILD!

* wildflower * wildcat * wildfire * wildcard *wildebeest

So much love to you,      

                                   Nicole

How I Started To Enjoy Parenting Again!

I do not deserve a gold star for the past few months in regards to parenting.
I had a short fuse and couldn't seem to respond to things without snapping and/or yelling.
I had gotten into a routine, a rut, where I wasn't choosing to enjoy each day with my girls.
I had forgot that I am the one to set the example and the tone.

Step one was realizing this.
Step two was figuring out a solution.

Here are six things that help me change my bad attitude :  

1) Scream & Shake
When I feel myself getting frustrated with one or both of the girls I take a deep breath and say, "ready to scream and shake it out so we're happy the rest of the day?!"
Then we scream and shake our bodies.
Okay, I scream and shake it out while the girls look at me like I'm crazy.

2) Dance Parties
JUST DANCE!

3) A Simple Reminder
I set a timer on my phone to go off every day at 9am and 3pm :: "ENJOY THE GIRLS TODAY!!"

4) Pray
It really is that simple.
Pray.

5) Don't Be So Hard On Yourself
You will fail. But that doesn't make you a failure.
God designed our sweet little loves to forgive and forget easily.
They move on, and so should we.
But we also need to always strive to better ourselves.
Always strive to be the best parent you can be.
Just don't beat yourself up over every mistake.

6) Ask For Help
The other day I called my parents and asked them to watch the girls so I could have even just an hour to myself.
In the hour they were gone I MISSED them.
That short time apart helped me remember just how much I love them!

The days are long, but the years are short.

Always choose joy. 

Jeremiah 4:3b

Like a farmer breaking up hard unplowed ground, you must break your rebellious will and make a new beginning; just as a farmer must clear away thorns lest the seed is wasted, you must get rid of the sin that is ruining your lives.

Heart Cleanse

I've been doing a little inward cleaning lately and my! oh my! is my heart dirty.
I harbor hate, negativity, bitterness & anger.
I didn't even know I was holding so tightly to these feelings until a few recent incidences.
How do I feel about this realization?
Wonderful!  [I hope you can detect the sarcasm.]
It is never an awesome thing to realize how ugly your heart is. 
I don't want to be a bitter old lady at the age of 25!
What young female aspires to that?!
With this ugliness happening on the inside I have come to find out it pours out of me as being standoffish and rude.
If I were asked to describe myself I would have never thought to use those two words.
I realized I was holding on to bad feelings, but not that it was making me treat people in a bad way.
I am extremely grateful for a friend who pointed this out to me.
Sometimes I can be extremely oblivious to how I treat others or the "vibes" I give off.
I would hope that all of my friends and family love me enough to be brutally honest and tell me how I'm acting is not ok.
Seriously.
Brutally honest.
I need it!
I don't want Penelope to grow up with a rude mom.
I read a blog post I found on either Facebook or Pinterest and it really spoke to me.
Raising a Kind Daughter by Kari Kampakis...basically she says to have a kind daughter you have to be a kind mother.
It makes perfect sense. 
Children mirror the actions they see.
If I want Penelope to be a sweet, kind, loving, positive individual then I need to live those qualities out myself.
Am I going to mess up still and have a bad day and act out of anger? Most definitely.
But am I going to strive really hard to change my attitude into one I want Penelope to mirror? You betcha!
Penelope deserves it.
Zach deserves it.
Truly anyone I encounter deserves it.

Proverbs 10:12

Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all offenses.

Proverbs 29:11 

A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control.

Ephesians 4:31-32

Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

Philippians 4:8

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.