Adventures In Parenting Continued

Oh hello there!

Our home has been completely transformed.
The dining room is now an airplane and a car, allowing Penny and Lilly to go on their work trip.

They work on their "computers" (open books) looking for homes for people to buy - that's how they explained it to me.

Their room is their house.
Our master bedroom is the hotel.
The master bathroom has a pocket door so they use that as the elevator, which is exactly what my friend Melody and I used to pretend in her parents master bathroom. 

The other day Zach said, "just let them be kids."
It really struck me.
I am so controlling when it comes to keeping an aesthetically pleasing home at all times.
I strongly dislike toys in the living room.
I can't stand when blankets are strewn about.
But then as soon as other kids come over I don't mind that it's a free-for-all. 

I need to lighten up and let Penny and Lilly just be kids more often. 
It's so fun to see their imaginations soar. 
It's hilarious to hear their banter because a lot of it is things they've picked up from Zach and myself.

Penny loves to direct the majority of play, "How about I woke up and you told me you lost the keys." 
Lilly is cautious to create her own thoughts of where play should go.
Mainly she says exactly what Penny tells her to.
Sometimes, very rarely, she'll get extremely mad and say things like, "You never let me make anything up!"
So it's a moment of pride today when she responds, "Are they in the garbage can? Are they in the suitcase? Are they in Dorothy's car seat?" instead of saying, "I lost the car keys."

They found the car keys.
Dorothy gets put in the back seat in her car seat.
And they're off.

P "How about I rolled up all the car windows and she's like, "uhhhgghh." 
L "Uhhhgghh."
P "And then she says, "I don't want to be in this carseat." 
L "I don't want to be in this carseat."
P "Then she wants to unbuckle."

L no response

P "Then I had to chat with the police because they saw there wasn't a driver. I had to explain it's a car that drives itself." 

That's good stuff right there!

I follow @runwild.mychild on Instagram and they posted a photo with the caption, "Kids don't remember their best days of television."
It is too true. 
As a former child, I don't look back and remember days I sat in front of the tv.
I remember the moments of doing things.
I vividly remember playing frisbee in the street, tennis down at the courts, swimming at City Beach, hiking Big Mountain, camping at the Reservoir, having "yard sales" with my siblings and them never wanting my stuff because it was too juvenile for them, softball in our yard, picking huckleberries, going on drives to Glacier and the Bison Range, reading books in the library where my mom worked, and all the other times I wasn't sitting in front of a tv. 

So, what do you say?! Ready to make memories with your little loves that don't involve a tv?!

Cheers to being a memory maker, 
 Nicole 

Share with me your favorite childhood memory [could be yours and/or one you share with your kid(s)] either on Instagram @welcometothedowlers or in the comments here. 

Adventures in Parenting

Hello! I’m so glad you’re here! 

My hope is these "Adventures in Parenting" posts can be a space for parents to relate, feel encouraged, and sometimes laugh out loud from the ridiculousness that can be parenting.

You’re going to get such a fun glimpse into the lives of two amazing sisters Penny and Lilly.

I have the absolute pleasure of being their mom.

Aside from 9 months in Salt Lake City, Utah Penny and Lilly have lived in the Flathead Valley in Montana their whole lives. This area has a fleeting spring; beautiful summer that is usually interrupted when smoke from wildfires moves in; a long, cloudy fall; and a harsh, snowy winter when temperatures drop and mostly stay under 30 degrees F.

Penny and Lilly are 18 months and 1 day apart. Penny is 7 and very much looking forward to turning 8 in August. Lilly turned 6 in February. We get asked if they’re twins almost every time we are out in public. Which is really funny to me because aside from them being the same height they don’t share many physical characteristics. 

A little bit of our history:

• When Penny was 8 months old I quit my job (as an apartment complex manager) to stay home with her. I started a blog called "Adventures in Staying Home" where I shared all my new mommy thoughts, and sometimes tips and tricks I was learning. One month into staying home I got pregnant with Lilly. Two under two was time-consuming so the blog didn't get much (or any) attention.
• Our family loves hiking, rafting, traveling, and hanging out with friends and family.
• This past school year I homeschooled Penny (2^nd grade) and Lilly (Kindergarten).
• We did the whole living in a travel trailer thang for quite a few months back in 2017/2018.

I want to share a quote from a best friend's mom, Patricia Faustini, who passed away a couple years ago. "Being a remarkable fantastic mother changes peoples lives and to this you are called. Love Patti" Patti wrote this sweet encouragement to me many years ago when I was struggling with being mother. 

Sometimes parenting is overwhelming. Mom guilt is real and can consume me with doubt, fear, and general exhaustion that I'm not good enough. When Patti shared those words it was a sweet reminder that I'm enough. I am remarkable and fantastic even when [fill in the blank]. I am remarkable and fantastic even if [fill in the blank]. 

Sometimes parenting is hilarious. At 5 years old one of the girls said, "I guess my foot didn't get any sleep last night cause it's asleep." Another time she said, "Mom, you should be an octopus. Then you could cook dinner, look at your phone, do the dishes, look in the fridge." One time we were at a restaurant eating outside and a bird flew on a table and started eating the leftover food. Lilly said, "He's such a good helper cleaning that table." I laughed and said, "you are hilarious!" She immediately responded, "I was born to be hilarious!"

Sometimes parenting is just right. Routines are flowing, everyone's getting along, and all is good.

Wherever you're at today, my hope is that you know you are enough. You have everything it takes to be the best parent you can be. 

Love well, 

Nicole 

Creating Quality Family Connections

No one sets out with a plan to neglect building family relationships. Our lives just seem to fill up with all sorts of to-do's and distractions. Sometimes, it even happens to the most intentional of us. 

It is so important to form deep bonds that help us feel safe and secure, but also we need to feel wanted. We need to feel like we're awesome to be around! Sometimes we need to remember to get out of our comfortable routines, mix it up a little, and have some good old-fashion fun together! 

So, what do you say, can you make some time to participate in a connection builder?

FAMILY NIGHT

This is a time for everyone who lives in the home to come together, either around the table or on the couch, and enjoy some quality time together. You can gather weekly or monthly. Play board games or watch a movie. Eat pizza, popcorn, candy, or allow everyone to pick their favorite snack. This should be such a special treat of a night that everyone looks forward to it! The key here is tradition, consistency, and keeping it purely fun!

OUR MOTTO
Is there a phrase or question or affirmation you want to incorporate into your family? Here are a few examples to use, or they might help you create your own. 

"In our family we build each other up. There are plenty of people who will try to tear us down."

"How were you kind today?"
"In our family we not only see the good, but we also do good."
"Whatever we do, we do it to the best of our ability."

When our girls were 2 and 4 we started saying, "kind words, happy heart, gentle hands" to remind us that our words and actions affect others. It’s something we still say to this day. 

PASS THE FAVOR TRINKET

Choose a little item. It can be a key, a rock, a figurine. Start by giving it to the oldest person. They can now ask any other family member to do a favor for them. If the family member does the favor, they get possession of the trinket and can ask a favor of anyone. The intent is learning how great it feels to help others. 

HUG

Hugs have healing power! Hugging lowers blood pressure, heart rate, anxiety, and the stress hormone cortisol. When we hug for more than 8 seconds our body releases oxytocin, which is a hormone that increases bonding and a sense of belonging. Hug it out and physically feel that connection building!

DO UNTO OTHERS

The point is to build self-esteem by saying or doing things that portray to another member of the family "you're special and appreciated."

Everyone chooses someone that for one week they will focus on. It doesn't have to be daily, but during that week you can leave a note on their pillow, buy them their favorite snack or 'that thing' they mentioned they wanted, fold/put away their laundry, draw or paint something for them. Get thoughtful. How can you uniquely show that person they are loved?

READERS ARE LEADERS

There are so many amazing books to read together as a family! 

Simply choose one reader, or take turns reading paragraphs, or chapters.
If you want to get creative and bring the book to life :

Make food mentioned in it. 
Dress up as your favorite character.

Art projects galore.

Buy a toy of a character. 

Act it out.

VISION BOARD

You'll need: 

poster board

markers
magazines/newspapers
scissors

Fill the poster board with words that describe your family, places you love to visit or hope to visit, food you enjoy, things that make you happy, etc. 

ONE-ON-ONE DATES

At least monthly every member of the family should have one-on-one time with each other. 

DINNER HELPER

They get to pick the meal. Set the table. Help make the food they chose. Whomever didn't make the meal cleans up!

YEARLY INVENTORY

Verbalize everything you are thankful for from the past year. 
This can be things you've seen, learned, done, begun, finished, decided, experienced.
And then share what you are looking forward to in the coming year.
 

The people you love are the most important relationships throughout your entire life.

My best advice to you is to try your absolute hardest to pursue connection over and over again with all those you love. 

Love well,

Nicole

5 Simple Ways To Improve Your Parenting

Hello fellow parents!

I will never claim to have all the answers or know what works best for you and your specific circumstance.
But what I hope to do is encourage you!
Encourage you to be a little goofier today than you were yesterday.
Encourage you to be a little more grace-giving each day.
Encourage you to be a little more mindful of the hearts + minds you've been given the gift of raising.

Five Things To Remember In Order To Improve Your Parenting

1. The Big Picture
You are never done parenting.
You are tasked with raising up the next generation.
You are leaving a legacy.
Let's pause there. What a heavy obligation we have.
Let's lighten the load. LAUGH. Right now. Out loud.
I don't care if you're in an awkward spot, what are you doing reading a blog during work hours anyway? ;)
Now laugh at how goofy that forced laugh was!
Personally, I feel we all take ourselves a little too seriously.
We mess up once and think we've scarred our kids forever.
We get these big ideas that when we fail, we've failed indefinitely.
[I can't mention failings without saying, I am not encouraging abuse (physical, sexual, mental, or verbal) or neglect.
Those aren't failings we can just brush off.
If you have failed in the aforementioned ways, get professional help!
There is no shame in seeking the help you need.]
What I am talking about is muttering a curse word under your breath at the fact your 2.5 year old managed to spill that *cussing* bowl of soggy cereal and milk again.
Failings of that nature. Ya know?
The things they'll tell their future spouse about that 'WE WILL NEVER DO AS PARENTS.'
The things they'll call you sobbing about when they have kids of their own.

2. Be A Problem Solver
This world needs problem solvers.
There are so many problems both big and small and they all need solutions.
I've never read Love and Logic, but I have read a quote of theirs and BOOYAH, problem solvers unite! "When children cause problems, parents hand these problems back in loving ways. Love allows children to grow through their mistakes. Logic allows them to learn from the consequences of their choices."
Give them two solutions, here's an example : little love, you need to pick up your room. You can either pick up your room right now and have dessert after dinner. Or you can eat dinner and then pick up your room while the rest of the family is eating dessert without you.
Or is that bribing? Maybe try bribing first, and if that doesn't work, then give them two solutions to choose from.
Kidding. Only a little bit.
But seriously, if you give them two solutions to their problem when it comes to solving (dare I say BIGGER - because to littles all their problems are already BIG) problems later in life you're going to have someone who understands there is always more than one solution, and there are real consequences to choosing negatively.

3. Emotional Intelligence
Talk about feelings. Start with happy, sad, mad.
Express your feelings as often as you can.
Use this phrase as a jumping off point that I learned from The Gottman Institute :
I feel...about...I need.
Examples : I feel happy when the house is clean. I need you to pick up toys you're not playing with.
I feel sad about not being listened to. I need you to repeat what I say so I know you hear what I'm saying.
I feel mad about my vase being broken. I need to take a few deep breaths before we continue our conversation.
Use it on your spouse too!
That gentle start up, expressing your own feelings, and not pointing blame works on even the toughest defensive person [me, I'm talking about me]!
Use it on your coworkers! Use it on friends!
We need more people who are willing to talk about feelings!!

4. Take Responsibility 
A sincere apology seems to be like a unicorn in this day and age.
A mystical, magical thing that isn't real.
We need more people who admit to their wrongdoings.
We all mess up. It's inevitable.
What we don't all do is apologize. But we should.
Here's an outline to use in your own apologies.
I won't give specific answers, because it needs to be genuine, from YOUR heart.
I am sorry for _______. That was wrong because _____. In the future I will _____. Will you forgive me?

5. You Are THE Example
Be the father/mother you hope they are one day.
You are possibly (most likely) parenting a future parent.
What do you want them to remember?
What do you want them to mimic?
I think most of us have the goal of raising well-rounded, decent human beings who make society a bit more bearable.
In order to raise those people, we need to work on ourselves and the parents we are.
Deciding to become a better mom/dad, doesn't mean it's going to happen overnight.
Start small.
If you yell [like myself] when you've 'had it up to here' then maybe your solution is to start with catching yourself and apologizing immediately. Catching yourself and saying, "can I start over?" Catching yourself as you're about to open your mouth and taking in a deep breath or WHISPERING!
Yes, I put whispering in all caps because whisper yelling is most of the time just as effective as loud, ear-piercing, make you both want to cry yelling.
You're welcome for the tips.
You're welcome for the encouragement.
What can I say except you're welcome?
**Any parents catch that line from Moana?
Fist pump if you did!
Seriously, quit taking yourself so seriously!**

Give yourself more grace!

Love well,
Nicole

Love Languages for Kids

Here are the 5 love languages given by Gary Chapman : 

Words of Affirmation

Acts of Service

Receiving Gifts

Quality Time

Physical Touch

Do you know your child's love language?

Penelope is three and a half and it is extremely noticeable that words of affirmation is her top love language, followed closely by physical touch. Penny can wake up in a sour mood and all it takes are some compliments and a mini back-rub to turn her day around.

Lillian is two and I've caught on that her top love language is physical touch followed by quality time. In Lilly's perfect world we would spend an hour staring into each other's eyes while I hold her in my lap, allowing one of her hands to be on my chest while the other rests on her chest - all in silence of course. 

Children need love, lots and lots of love. 

I think it's very important that children are shown love in a variety of ways. 
But if you can pinpoint how they receive it best, do that love language most!


Words of Affirmation

• compliments
• encouragement
• positive reinforcement
• cautious of speaking in harsh tones

Acts of Service

• doing the tasks they can't do for themselves (when they're older do tasks for them that they have learned to do for themselves, but don't enable laziness)
• helping them practice sports, flash cards for tests, instruments, etc.
• teaching them the importance of serving others
• fix broken toys, sew buttons/tears/rips on clothing

Receiving Gifts

• homemade cards (spend time on a nice picture or words)
• small/inexpensive trinkets
• well thought out large/expensive gifts
• items from nature (rocks, leaves, etc.)

Quality Time

• Go on a one-on-one date
• Read books, make crafts, adventure outside, play
• Put away distractions, get on their level, and just BE with them (for at least a half hour)
• Ask open-ended questions to encourage conversation 

Physical Touch

• hugs
• hand on shoulder
• hold hands
• back/foot/hand rubs

Us parents have the difficult task of shaping and raising future generations.  

 Thankfully, the Beatles make it sound easy when they say, "all you need is love."

They still bring up this "magical adventure meal"
when they got to eat in the window seat
because we sold our dining table.

Love well, friends! 
Love well!

For : the stay-at-home parent

Greetings!

I recently saw someone I hadn't seen in a couple years.
He asked how I've been, what I've been up to, what I do for work?

My response : "I'm just a stay-at-home mom."

Instantly, I cringed at my response.
Just. I am not JUST anything.

I am a pirate, a queen,

and a multitude of other characters.

I am an elephant, a bear,

and countless other animals.

I am a toilet bowl cleaner, cook, 

and a doer of many other household chores. 

I am a supporter, a listener, an ouchie kisser, 

and I possess a mishmash of other qualities. 

Today, as I'm planning out Christmas gifts, I am the best bargain hunter and thrift-scorer! 

I need to give myself more credit for what it is I actually do all day. 

And if I know other stay-at-home parents like I think I do, 

you need to give yourself more credit as well! 

Being a stay-at-home parent is not for the meek.
You are an eclectic mix with an extremely broad resumé.

Embrace your multiple identities!

Be the best you can be! 

Do 'work' you're proud of!

Love. Love well!

And remember, you're not just anything...

Wishing you all the best in your parenting journey,

Nicole

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!