When I'm pregnant death seems so unreal to me. Here I am carrying new life and people still die.
When I was pregnant with Penny our pastor's five year old daughter passed away. A friend from high school committed suicide. And a couple days after a dear friend lost her battle with cancer.
This past week a friend's grandpa passed away. A friend's mom lost her battle with cancer. And my thirteen year old cousin committed suicide.
Every time I hear of someone dying, my heart shatters into a million pieces. I think about all the people that know and love them and how difficult it is to continue on living without them here.
People die at any and all ages.
People die from many different causes.
But here's the thing, every single person is going to die.
The night before my 13th birthday I tried to take my own life.
That is way too young to feel like there was nothing left worth living for. But truly any age is too young to feel like there's nothing worth living for.
When I look back and ask myself why...I really don't know what I thought was so terrible about my life back then. Sure, I had family issues. I got picked on at school, and bullied by "mean girls." I was insecure. I thought I was just too average a human to ever do anything great. I figured a few people would miss me, but they would get over it. I suffered from depression and constant negative thoughts. But none of that should have led me to try ending my life.
Thankfully God took hold of me that night. And although none of my "problems" disappeared immediately, I had a completely new perspective.
I had a life worth living for. I didn't know what was to come, but now that more than a decade has passed, I can see that God had/has great plans for me.
I want to ask anyone who is having thoughts of taking their life, please don't do it.
You can't give up, there is Hope. God truly cares about you, and He has far greater plans for your life if you'll decide to live for Him. If you're looking to friends/family to make you happy, I'm sorry to tell you, people will always let you down. We are not perfect, we mess up, we're selfish. Life is still going to have it's rough moments. But God's perfect love can heal all wounds. And truly, life's not all bad. I understand when you're in the thick of it it seems like there's no way things could ever get better, but they do.
I also want to ask anyone reading this, do you know where you're going to end up when you die?
If you don't have a personal relationship with Jesus, death can be a very scary thing.
When I think of my death I'm ecstatic for myself and sad for the loved ones I leave behind. I can't wait to get to Heaven, but I also love my family and friends and hope to live a full life blessing and loving on them.
Do you want to have a personal relationship with Jesus?
Do you want to know where you'll spend eternity after you die?
All you have to do is pray [talking to Jesus] a simple prayer (and mean it!) asking Jesus to come into your heart. Tell Him you know that He died on the cross for you & ask him to forgive you of your sins. Tell Him you turn from your old ways, and you turn to Him in faith.
It might be a huge *aha* moment. Or you might feel exactly the same. Regardless of how you feel physically, your life is changed forever!
Life is not always an easy journey, and just because you're a Christian doesn't mean life is easier. But with Christ, there is Hope. Death doesn't have to be a scary thing, it can still be a really sad thing, but you don't have to fear it.
