I've been terrible about blogging.
I have notes jotted down for about 20 different posts, but none have come to fruition.
Today I want to share what's been going on in my mind this morning.
I am nothing special. I have no special talents, no hobbies, no extraordinary gifts.
I like photography, but who isn't a self-proclaimed photographer these days with all these awesome cameras attached to phones.
I like art, but maybe I haven't found my medium or haven't had the time to really explore it enough to know if I really enjoy it or am good at it.
I like hosting & cooking & throwing a good themed party, but : time + money.
I like clothing & fashion, but definitely don't have the money to purchase new *hip* clothes to photograph and blog about. I buy from the thrift store when that item is "so last season/year."
I like editing/correcting spelling mistakes, but I don't think anyone will hire me to tell them they used the wrong "too" in their sentence on their Facebook post. :)
I love to travel, but reality strikes! Money.
I guess what I'm getting at is this, I feel like a totally ordinary person just living life day-to-day. Raising my girls, doing household chores, taking pictures (with my awesome phone camera), writing, reading, going for drives, thrifting, trying my hardest to not get sucked-in to Target's clearance sections!
I feel like anything I pursue or dream about or venture into is blasé. It's been done before. Or I don't have the time and/or money to really pursue it. I've prayed about this for many, many years. I've straight up asked God to throw a passion at me and make it very clear so that I can fully pursue it with my whole heart, all for His Glory. I have yet to have that "lightbulb moment."
Maybe all you're reading are excuses. Maybe all I'm writing are excuses.
Here's the deal : I think a LOT of people feel exactly the same way as me!
And please don't get me wrong; I absolutely love my life!
I think it's just easy for me to look at friends, acquaintances, even complete strangers and see how wonderful their life seems and get jealous.
I know success doesn't typically happen overnight. Most people work every day to achieve their greatness. Maybe I'm lacking the drive & ambition side. Maybe it's because I'm a mom, or because I've always had a hard time spending money on something only I benefit from. **Somehow I think if I spend money on any one of my aforementioned things I like then I'm being selfish.** So maybe I need to just buck up and full on pursue something. Maybe I need to be a little selfish. Maybe I need to ignore all the fears and the doubts, or pray more and seek God's direction. Maybe I need to try out all of the above and find my passion that way. Or maybe I just need to come to terms with the fact that my life is already wonderful and I don't need any talent, hobby, or passion. Maybe my purpose is to "just" be a stay-at-home mom and focus on teaching my girls valuable life lessons that they otherwise wouldn't receive.
I don't have the answers. I may have confused myself even more with writing this all out.
I suppose I'll take it one day at a time and focus on being the best me I can be.
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This isn't a pity party, or a poor me. This isn't a self-bashing post. This was just me writing out what's been on my heart and mind this morning (but really for years). My hope is that writing it out will bring clarity to my feelings and possibly when I read this after it's posted I can find some answers to my own questions. And maybe, just maybe someone out there feels the same way and if nothing else this just helps you (them) know you're (they're) not alone!
