How I Started To Enjoy Parenting Again!

I do not deserve a gold star for the past few months in regards to parenting.
I had a short fuse and couldn't seem to respond to things without snapping and/or yelling.
I had gotten into a routine, a rut, where I wasn't choosing to enjoy each day with my girls.
I had forgot that I am the one to set the example and the tone.

Step one was realizing this.
Step two was figuring out a solution.

Here are six things that help me change my bad attitude :  

1) Scream & Shake
When I feel myself getting frustrated with one or both of the girls I take a deep breath and say, "ready to scream and shake it out so we're happy the rest of the day?!"
Then we scream and shake our bodies.
Okay, I scream and shake it out while the girls look at me like I'm crazy.

2) Dance Parties
JUST DANCE!

3) A Simple Reminder
I set a timer on my phone to go off every day at 9am and 3pm :: "ENJOY THE GIRLS TODAY!!"

4) Pray
It really is that simple.
Pray.

5) Don't Be So Hard On Yourself
You will fail. But that doesn't make you a failure.
God designed our sweet little loves to forgive and forget easily.
They move on, and so should we.
But we also need to always strive to better ourselves.
Always strive to be the best parent you can be.
Just don't beat yourself up over every mistake.

6) Ask For Help
The other day I called my parents and asked them to watch the girls so I could have even just an hour to myself.
In the hour they were gone I MISSED them.
That short time apart helped me remember just how much I love them!

The days are long, but the years are short.

Always choose joy. 

Jeremiah 4:3b

Like a farmer breaking up hard unplowed ground, you must break your rebellious will and make a new beginning; just as a farmer must clear away thorns lest the seed is wasted, you must get rid of the sin that is ruining your lives.

To mom's who are about to give birth! [Part 3 : The Aftermath]

To listen to this : LISTEN HERE

Hello (again, again) beautiful momma!

I'm so glad you decided to stop by and read this!

I am a mother to two girls who are 18 months and 1 day apart.

I delivered both of them via water birth at a free-standing birth center.

I share this so that you know when I'm giving my advice you know that I have no idea what a hospital birth is like. I have never had a c-section. I have never been given the option to have an epidural, or any other "drugs." -- I'm sure if when I felt that ring of fire with my first I would have gladly accepted any and everything they offered because holy guacamole I pushed a 14" head out of me!! But I didn't have that option so I had to dig deep into my inner being and tell myself that I could do this, and I WOULD get through it! Then a few short months later I willingly decided I wanted to do it without the option of drugs again! Just call me crazy!

*If you are planning on having a hospital birth or have a cesarean section planned 

this should still pertain to you.*

Part 3 : The Aftermath.

Congratulations!!
Now you have an infant and you're supposed to take them home and take care of them, while you yourself need to heal!



1) Taking Care Of You.

Products:
Dermoplast (if you tore - even a little) and Lansinoh HPA Lanolin (if you are breastfeeding) are your new best friends!
Dermoplast numbs your nether regions, so if you tore it takes away most (if not all) of the pain and discomfort down there!
Lanolin helps dry, cracked nipples that aren't used to someone sucking the milk out of them! It's safe for baby too!
*I was in Target buying my lanolin for 2nd babe when a sweet pregnant gal looked at me desperately.
"This is so embarrassing, but do you know where the nipple cream is?! I heard lan-something is the best, and I'm about to give birth and I'm so nervous, and my friend had the worst experience, and then they gave her lan-whatever and then she was fine and I'm just so nervous."
Us mom's need to stick together and support each other.
There are parts of pregnancy, labor & delivery, and the aftermath that I feel aren't talked about. Maybe it's out of embarrassment.
But if my sister-in-law hadn't given me dermoplast I'm not sure I would be living to tell my tale, so I feel the need to share with any and all new momma's who maybe have no idea what they're in for!

Personal:
I made it a goal to shower every day that first week after my babes were born.
I bled for a full six weeks after both my babes.
I got my stomach back ridiculously quick with my first. With my second my muscles separated (known as diastasis recti) so here I am 9 months postpartum and I still have a pooch/rounded belly.
I honestly don't think anyone told me about the contractions you continue to have while your uterus shrinks back to normal size (I'm sure my midwife did and I just didn't realize how painful it would be so I was not mentally prepared). And if you breastfeed it's so intense those first few days while baby feeds. I screamed out in pain and thought I was giving birth again, except this time the reward was not a beautiful child, it was just straight pain and my euphoria had worn off so I was NOT a happy camper.
Speaking of mood - with my first I felt pretty great. Hormones leave your body and you can have mild to severe mood swings. I got migraines (two during labor, and two in the following weeks). With my second my mood was all over the place. Depressed, angry, quiet/internal, and just flat out not feeling like myself.
Talk to your doctor! Get help! Don't be afraid to speak up about any concerns!
When you're running on little to no sleep, you have a child(ren) to take care of all day, you're physically recovering, your husband still expects dinner & a clean house (not blaming him for wanting that..it's just tougher to accomplish for you), and whatever else you're going through can be a lot to handle.
You are not a failure. You are a mother! A new mommy who has a lot going on.
Talk. Talk to someone. Talk to any one. Ask questions.
I cried. A lot.
I still cry. A lot! Over anything and everything, the tears just start flowing!
Do your kegals! Do them while you're pregnant too!
Drink a ton of water!



2) Taking Care Of Baby:

Clipping their fingernails is the worst thing EVER!
The umbilical cord is a strange thing! Our first babe's fell off by day two. Our second babe's started to smell and didn't fall off until around day ten!
CARSEAT - this one freaks me out! Baby's have died because their carseat wasn't installed properly or they weren't strapped in properly. You can take the carseat to your local police station and they will show you how to install it, and then they have you do it in front of them. When strapping baby in the chest clip needs to be in-line with their armpits or higher on their chest (this goes for toddler's too!). If it's too low their shoulders can collapse and they could slip right through..it has happened, so please do what you can to prevent it!
Poop explosions! Visit my post here!



3) Visitors

If someone is coming to meet your baby, they need to bring food!
I don't care if they pick up a single muffin from the gas station - make it known they must bring food!
My sister-in-law set up a week's worth of friends and family to stop by and bring us dinner.
Either you or someone close to you needs to do this for you! They even have websites specifically for this now!
Trust me, the last thing you'll feel like doing is making breakfast, lunch & dinner. And if you're breastfeeding you're going to want snacks throughout the day too.

With our first I had a very difficult time with visitors.
I always feel like I need to host if someone is coming over.
Clean house.
Look presentable.
Offer food and beverages.
When you have a newborn baby it's not that easy to provide these things for your guests.
Maybe it will be for you, supermom! But it was not for me.
I was embarrassed because I could barely stand up to go pee. I was also embarrassed when I was scrambling to keep myself covered while attempting to feed my screaming infant and our guy friends no longer knew how to talk or where to look. I hadn't touched the housework. I could offer beverages, but had to ask someone else to retrieve them.

The best visitor:
Shows up with dinner. (And muffins, and cookies!)
Takes your baby and demands you go take a shower.
Cleans your bathroom.
Leaves within an hour.

Our second was born in February.
Flu season.
And she was our second.
I think we only had two visitors that weren't family!
I felt great (since I didn't tear), and was like "where is everyone?! Does no one want to meet her??"

Again, this is sort of a "you know yourself." You know your limits. Every situation is different.
Just make sure to speak up if you feel your guest is overstaying their welcome - especially if they didn't even bring food! ;-)



4) Document!

Lastly, I would like to tell you to document every little milestone!
Whether it be through writing, photographs/videos, painting, etc.

I have an ongoing "note" on my phone that I write every milestone on. Then when I find time I write it out in the girls' journals.
With our oldest I tell her funny things she says now that she's two!
But when they're under one they are hitting new milestones almost daily so there are lots of fun little things that are so awesome to be able to look back on and say, "oh yeah, you were 8 hours old when you smiled for the first time!"

I wish you nothing but the best momma!

Love,
Nicole

To mom's who are about to give birth! [Part 2 : Labor & Delivery]

To listen: LISTEN HERE

Hello (again) beautiful momma!

I'm so glad you decided to stop by and read this!

I am a mother to two girls who are 18 months and 1 day apart.

I delivered both of them via water birth at a free-standing birth center.

I share this so that you know when I'm giving my advice you know that I have no idea what a hospital birth is like. I have never had a c-section. I have never been given the option to have an epidural, or any other "drugs." -- I'm sure if when I felt that ring of fire with my first I would have gladly accepted any and everything they offered because holy guacamole I pushed a 14" head out of me!! But I didn't have that option so I had to dig deep into my inner being and tell myself that I could do this, and I WOULD get through it! Then a few short months later I willingly decided I wanted to do it without the option of drugs again! Just call me crazy!

*If you are planning on having a hospital birth or have a cesarean section planned 

this [part 2] post may not pertain to you.*

Part 2 : Labor & Delivery

You've made your birth plan.
You're contracting.
You can't remember what your birth plan was.
"Holy crap! I'm pushing!!"
Then you're holding your baby and you don't remember the pain you just went through.
You don't remember pooping, you don't remember the tearing/extreme stretching and burning you just felt, you don't remember screaming obscenities at your poor husband "who did this to you!"

Here's the deal with labor and delivery, end result : your child(ren) is (are) born!
They enter this world through you!
That's it.
That's all you really need to get you through. The end result is the birth of your child(ren).



1) Contractions.

Pressure.
Discomfort.
JUST BREATHE!
Honestly, from the bottom of my momma heart to yours, JUST BREATHE!
In through your nose and out through your mouth.
If you remember ONE thing : JUST BREATHE!

Nearing the end when the pain is feeling quite unbearable and all you can picture is stuff from movies and tv shows where you see the mom pushing with all her strength and screaming and crying and it's hectic and you just want her to feel relief already for goodness sake!
It doesn't have to be that way!

With every contraction I took a moment to breathe really deep and get focused.
I imagined myself opening just a little bit more to allow baby to pass through.
I knew it would take time, so I wasn't focused on how long I had already been in labor.
I took each contraction as it came.
I didn't look back at all I had already been through.
I focused on getting through the contraction I was feeling.
There were quite a few that I screamed out in annoyance, or frustration, or pain.
But mainly I just breathed. Really deep. And at the end I made those weird animal-like sounds that I said I would never make because "that's just weird." But it felt right in the moment and so I grunted and made a noise that came deep from the back of my throat!
But mainly I just remembered to breathe!



2) The ring of fire.

Yes, it's a real thing!



3) Exhaustion.

With my first daughter I went into labor around 7pm at night. Had contractions throughout the night (slept some in between). Got to the birth center at 10:30am with contractions five minutes apart lasting 1-1.5minutes. Started pushing around 4:30pm and had her at 5:36pm.
I had not eaten since dinner the night before so during labor my midwife gave me a spoon full of honey, a fruit popsicle, and frozen grapes to give me some energy.

With my second daughter I had "false" labor for about 12 days so the night of actual labor where I started counting contractions started at about 8:30pm and I had her at 11:54pm.
We had prepared to have popsicles, and honey, and frozen grapes but we barely got the tub filled before I had her so there was no real exhaustion with her.



4) Pushing.

With my first I remember the moment so clearly. I was in the tub and yelled, "I'm pushing!"
I can't explain it other than, my body just knew. I knew it was time and with that contraction I pushed.   Now most of us only have ever seen "birth" on tv, so like me, you probably think you need to push with every ounce of energy you have. I pushed for 50 minutes until she came. My midwife kept saying, "just breathe her out. You don't need to push so hard. Don't push this time, just breathe!" I didn't really listen to what she was saying, and just wanted her out so bad. I thought it was never going to happen so I pushed and pushed with all my might. The outcome was a small tear that needed sewn that would cause weeks of uncomfortable walking, peeing, etc. Thankfully it wasn't worse!

With my second I only pushed for 11 minutes. And I honestly never pushed. I BREATHED her out! And I DIDN'T TEAR!!
I totally understood what my midwife was saying the second time.
I did say, "I think she's stuck!" But that was just a moment of weakness and doubt in myself.

Here is where I get real and overshare..but all for the sake of helping a fellow momma out! 

When I was pregnant with my second my sister-in-law had told me to use all of my poops as practice.
I know, I know...I thought it was insane too! Until I tried it!
So every time I had to poop I would "breathe it out."
The difference was life-changing for pushing a child out!
It is somewhat the same sensation, so it makes complete sense that it helped!



5) JOY

Pure freaking JOY!
You are holding a child that you grew inside of you.
That you birthed.
That you get to love for as long as you're living.
It truly is love at first sight.
A moment that has so much built up anticipation.
You meet your son/your daughter, and your life is never the same after.

I'm so excited for you and I may not even know you!
That moment is so uniquely yours, but also something that every momma can totally sympathize with.



6) You're not done, yet!

So you birth your child, and then for some reason in my mind I was like "Sweet, let's pack up and go home!
NOPE!
You continue to have contractions.
Then you have to birth the placenta!
Shoot me freaking NOW!
Then you have to stand up at some point.
And walk.
And pee.

But truly, it's all worth it.
Every ounce of pain is completely worth it.
You brought a child into the world.
You are a momma!

Now go practice breathing your poops out!

Love,
Nicole

To mom's who are about to give birth! [Part 1 : Leading Up To Labor & Delivery]

To listen to this episode : LISTEN HERE

 Hello beautiful momma!

I'm so glad you decided to stop by and read this!

I am a mother to two girls who are 18 months and 1 day apart.

I delivered both of them via water birth at a free-standing birth center.

I share this so that you know when I'm giving my advice you know that I have no idea what a hospital birth is like. I have never had a c-section. I have never been given the option to have an epidural, or any other "drugs." -- I'm sure if when I felt that ring of fire with my first I would have gladly accepted any and everything they offered because holy guacamole I pushed a 14" head out of me!! But I didn't have that option so I had to dig deep into my inner being and tell myself that I could do this, and I WOULD get through it! Then a few short months later I willingly decided I wanted to do it without the option of drugs again! Just call me crazy!

*Even if you are planning on having a hospital birth or have a cesarean section planned 

this should still pertain to you.*

I would like to say Congratulations!!
You are growing a human inside of you!!
You are now a full-blown badass!
You are experiencing / have experienced selflessness on a WHOLE other level.
You are a mother!

Part 1 : Leading Up To Labor & Delivery

1) Do your kegals!

That is all.
Just do them - every day.



2) Birth Plan

You have either already decided your birth plan, or need to decide what is best for you, your child, and your unique situation.
This is something that a lot of people will want to give their opinion on.
Opinions will fly at you from where the child(ren) MUST be birthed (at a hospital, in the water, in a bed at home, etc.), what position is the absolute best for delivery (squat, laying on back, in the shower, on all fours in a tub, etc.), drugs (you'll harm your baby if you do, you won't be able to get through it without them, etc.), who should be in the room at time of delivery, etc. etc.

Here is what I have to say on all of it : you are the mother! You are the one who has grown the child(ren) inside you. You know yourself.
Educate yourself!
It's great to know options and know that there isn't only one way to birth a child.
You may go into it having a very specific expectation or plan on how it will all go and then mid-labor you might change your mind or the situation may change and you'll have to adapt.
Personally I went into both my labor & deliveries with certain expectations but in the back of my mind convinced myself I would be okay if things went differently.



3) You will be judged.

It's unavoidable. It's inevitable.
Someone, somewhere is going to disagree with your birth plan because that's not how they did it.
Or they feel they know what will be best for you because, "I know you Nicole, you don't take pain very well. You're going to want the drugs. You would be crazy to not have your baby in a hospital. So and so's baby almost died because they used midwives. Do they even know what they're doing?! God created hospitals and modern medicine for a reason. I know they used to go squat in the woods and deliver the baby themselves, but they also died in delivery..." And on it went from multiple woman whom I love and complete strangers who just felt the need to share with me.
Or you decide to drink a coke for the first time in 6 months and gosh darn it don't you know the effects caffeine has on a fetus!?
Or you honestly had no idea that you're not supposed to eat lunch meat so you ate your ham sandwich every day for the first four months because that's what you craved.
The glares. The blatant commenters. The "can I just give you a piece of advice?" givers.
You will be judged.
Don't let any of it get to you. Be confident in the decisions you make.
You are the momma.

4) You were given a "due date."

Use that date as more of a general day the baby will be born around -- give or take up to two weeks.
So many momma's, myself included, get so set on that being the day that we set ourselves up for complete (avoidable) disappointment.
My first was 5 days late.
My second was 6 days late.
Only about 5% of baby's are born on their due date.



5) Don't compare.

You are not your sister. You are not your mother. You are not your best friend. You are not that complete stranger.
YOU ARE YOU!
All momma's are unique.
You just need to do what feels right for you and your baby(ies).
Except don't eat that donut every day, because no matter how right it feels, you will most definitely have a hard time getting your thighs back to normal! ;-)
Honestly though, you're going to be raising that child/those children how you see fit, so you may as well bring them into the world how you see fit too!



6) LOVE.

Remember to love yourself.
Love your body, your forgetful mind you've newly acquired, your stretch marks, and your emotions you can't control.
Love your baby.
Love your baby when they're jabbing their foot in your ribs at 3am and then decide to punch your bladder making you pee yourself!

You got this momma!

Now go eat that donut I made you crave! ;-)

Love,
Nicole

A Day In The Life...part 2...with two!!

What is it that I do all day? I was thinking about my last post and was feeling like I do nothing, and yet I do everything! [Hope that makes sense!] So this morning I decided to write down our Monday and see what it is that we do! Here goes! 

3am - Woke up to Penny (2 years and 1.5 months old) screaming. Zach went in and calmed her.

Lilly (7.5 months) woke up and was soothed with just the pacifier! Small victory for this tired momma!

4am - Lilly woke, soothed with pacifier.

5am - Lilly woke, breastfed back to sleep.

6:45am - Penny woke up, Zach got up with her. 

Lilly woke up, breastfed back to sleep.

7:30am - Zach left for work.

I made a french press of strong coffee, and peanut butter toast for P and myself.

While Penny watched some Netflix (typically Curious George! Today was Veggie Tale's..) I checked social media. Then I worked on the week's menu plan & grocery list. 

8:40am - poured my second and last cup of coffee. [Still so tired!]

9am - L woke up. Changed her diaper.

Did dishes (from the morning and then usually there's a few from late night snacks - i.e. popcorn!). 

Put some sweet potatoes in the oven, and steamed some carrots -- baby food!

Organized some kitchen cupboards.

Girls had dance party / played with toys in living room!

9:45pm - made carrot, pear, dash of lemon juice food and fed L. Of course P wanted a few bites too, then she asked for trail mix. [The girl and her snacks!]

Started first load of laundry.

10:15am - four wipes and a new diaper later, Penny's poop is in the trash! 

Clipped all three of our nails.

Penny wanted her hair up - she never asks!!

Put new sheets on the bed - Lilly cried the entire time!

10:35 - got both girls dressed. 

Tried to get a picture of them both sitting and at least looking at me with somewhat happy faces - unsuccessful.

Sweet potatoes finally finished. 

Started 2nd load of laundry.

10:45am - Breastfed L while P played.

Cut sweet potatoes up.

Played with the girls.

11:40am -

Put Penny down for a nap because she was throwing a fit, showered (I even shaved!), got ready (including brushing teeth, blow-drying hair, make up, & dressed)! All that in 30 minutes people - I don't mess around! 

12:10pm - put Lilly down for a nap. Meaning she ate on one side - really half a side, then I held her until she was in a deep sleep and laid her in her bed.

12:35pm - the house is finally quiet (minus background music), and I don't know what to do with myself! Do I try and nap? Read a book? Check social media again? Just sit and do nothing? 

I decided on grabbing a handful of wheat thins and reading a book.

12:56pm Lilly woke up.

I continued reading while holding her/sitting next to her. I can't stop midway through a chapter.

1:30pm - Penny woke up.

Threw 2nd load of laundry in dryer.
Quick lunch for P & me.

Grabbed a snack for Penny. (I'm telling you - this girl and her snacks!)

Girls in car seats, loaded up car. 

Off to Kalispell (30 minute drive).

Post office to mail bills.

Gas.

Grocery shop.

3:45pm - unload groceries and put away the fridge & frozen items.

Loaded up trash and did a dump run. 

When we got home I put the rest of the groceries away.

Unloaded dryer and dumped it all on my bed.

Breastfed L. 

Played ball with the girls.

5pm - folded and put away laundry.

5:10pm - started dinner [taco rice]. 

Put away all of the dishes from the day.

5:20pm - Zach got home! [So incredibly thankful I don't have to do this [whole raising kids thing] alone!!]

Ate dinner.

Fed Lilly more carrot concoction. 

6:10pm - Lilly started losing it, and I realized she had only napped 20 minutes today. So pajamas & a goodnight breast feeding. 

Praying she sleeps through the night -- or at least until 5am!! 

6:35pm - Lilly woke up.

Family played toys in Penny's room.

Zach and I decided to get Penny in her pj's and give her milk and then do yoga. 

*We started a 30-day challenge yesterday.*

Interrupted by Penny screaming for no apparent reason. 

7:21pm - Currently sitting on couch, each one of us holding a child, not doing anything! 

So much for a peaceful yoga experience tonight.

7:55pm - Barely got through the end of yoga. Zach put P to bed. 

Watched The Office - we started re-watching from the beginning, we're on the last season.

8:45pm - Tried a final feeding and Lilly is out! 

*****************************

I wanted to post this to hopefully give hope to any stay-at-home parent out there who feels like you live a mundane life, like you're not doing anything but the day-to-day tasks..I am here to say, you matter!! 

[I might just be giving myself a pep talk here!]

Seriously though, you matter! 

Your role in your home is so dang important! Cherish it, enjoy it, excel at it! 

Be the best you can be!