Life Right Now

Hello!

Sharing every nitty gritty detail of your life with everyone isn't what makes you authentic. 

Authentic = genuine = sincere = truthful = free from deceit.

If someone wants to ask a question I will do my best to respond with truth.
Otherwise, I'm just going to share what you call "shallow" details
 to fill people in on recent thoughts & happenings of my life.
As stated in my bio, my hopes of sharing have remained the same...
"I hope that my readers can relate, laugh, or find inspiration."

Let's catch up...

Overview

Three weeks ago we loaded the Uhaul and hit the road for Salt Lake City, Utah.
Why SLC? Hubster got a great job offer we couldn't refuse.

Living in the same valley for 28 years, in small town Montana, brings a comfort I didn't know I'd miss so much!
I miss the people back home the most, that is for sure. 

Things I took for granted other than people that I miss a whole lot : 

• Knowing my surroundings for hikes, drives, adventures, camping, swimming, etc. 
• Knowing the best restaurants, coffee shops, grocery stores, thrift stores, etc.
• Owning a 2nd vehicle
• Hosting get-togethers

Okay, enough complaining...we are settled and enjoying exploring our new city!

Little Loves 

Staying home and raising our girls is still the most difficult, yet rewarding "job" I've ever had.

Questions from a 2 and 3.5 year old :

Could you massage me for all the times?

Can you read me all the books?

Can you hold me for all the minutes?

Give me all the seconds to finish coloring.

**That last one is more of a matter of fact statement opposed to a question! Ha!

As I'm sweeping up popcorn crumbs Penny states, "me and Lil sure make a lot of messes."
Girrrlll, you don't even know [insert : sideways cry-laughing emoji]!

"Thinking of your child as behaving badly 

disposes you to think of punishment.

Thinking of your child as struggling to handle 

something difficult encourages you to help 

them through their distress."

Gottman Institute

A few thoughts floating around in my head regarding parenting:

Discipline is extremely important, NOT punishment. Two very different things.
Always follow through.

Be active, play & learn with them!

Quit comparing your child to your other children, their friends, or anyone for that matter.

Help set your child(ren) up for financial success. This doesn't mean giving them cash. 

Teach them basic principles : Save-Give-Spend.

It's okay for mommy's & daddy's to take time-outs, too!
Sometimes we need to set the timer to breathe and refocus.
Time-outs are meant to help you come back to the situation with a clearer head and calmer attitude.

Stay wild, my child!

I hope your curiosity always keeps you adventurous!

Wander often, wonder always!

Marriage

In a week we will celebrate 8 years of marriage.

"To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the loving cup, 

Whenever you’re wrong, admit it;

Whenever you’re right, shut up.”

-Ogden Nash

A few of my personal goals for our marriage:

Be the change I wish to see in our relationship.

Take responsibility.

Complain without blame.

Date my mate!

Set an amazing example for our girls, friends & family to aspire to. 

Some encouragement I want to share :

At our church they asked for prayer requests and later revealed that 80+% were along the lines of "for my marriage."
More than half of all marriages end in divorce. We have a problem. But we also have the solution : keep Jesus at the center.
Realize that by fighting for your marriage you put a target on your back.
The devil is here to steal, kill & destroy.
So what can you do? Pray for your spouse + for your marriage.

Realize that you have the power to change you - not your spouse.

I really mean it when I say, be the change you wish to see in your marriage!

I'm working on it, too!

I am currently reading the book, "What's It Like Being Married To Me?: And Other Dangerous Questions." 

I would encourage you to really ask yourself that question...what's it like being married to me?

Don't like the image that question conjures up? CHANGE YOURSELF!

Start new habits. 

Be curious about the person you share life with.

Find the FUN again. 

Fight for your marriage.

REBUILD & BLOOM!

Invest in your marriage!

I believe spending 15 minutes a day & at least an hour a week dating your spouse will positively impact and flourish your marriage! 

*If you can't afford a weekly babysitter for date night - child watch swap with other couples!*

I'll end with these open-ended questions I came up with to ask your spouse. 

You can each ask one or two every day/night as an easy way to connect for those 15 minutes I talked about earlier...

•How can your spouse be praying for you? 

•What is something you're looking forward to? 

•Is there any non-sexual touch your spouse can engage in more to help you feel loved?

•How do you feel about our sex life lately? 

•If you gave $10,000 to a charity, which one would you choose and why?

•If you have a bad day what are 2 things your spouse can do to make it better? 

•If you could spend one hour alone with someone (dead or alive) who would it be? What would you do? Why? 

•If you were a sound what would it be?

•Five things you want to buy but you've been putting them off?

•Would you like to be famous? If yes, what do you want to be famous for?

•What is something your spouse could do today or tomorrow to make your day better?

•What goals do you have for us?

•Is there any conversation you've had in the past week that you feel incomplete about? Need more clarity about? 

•What is your dream 3-day weekend?

•What are 3 states you would like to visit? Why?

•What are 3 things on your bucket list?

•If you could bring back one toy from your childhood what would it be and why? 

•What is something I can do to help you out this week? 

•What is something your spouse does or says that turns you on? 

•3 favorite places to be kissed on your body?

•You're writing a story...what is the main character's name? Occupation? Location?

•What is your favorite restaurant? 

•If you could have any job what would it be? 

•What is your dream car?

•What is the first thing you would do if you won the lottery? 

•When do you feel the most loved by your spouse? 

•What 3 countries would you like to visit? Why?

•If you could speak another language fluently what would it be? Why? 

•If you could be insanely talented in one thing, what would it be? 

•What was your favorite part of today? 

•Describe yourself with one word.

•Do you have any phobias? If so, what? 

•In high school what was your favorite subject? Least favorite? 

•What do you think about when you first wake up?

•What is your favorite dinner?

•What is something you're glad you'll never have to do again?

•If you owned the world's largest collection of something what would it be?

•In what ways do you communicate dissatisfaction with your spouse? 

•What are 3 things your spouse does that you couldn't live without? 

•What is your favorite thing about Spring(any season)? Why? 

•Pick one area of your marriage where you have a problem. Describe what is wrong and what each of you have done to solve it.

•What do you think God is doing in your marriage right now? 

•What do you think you need to do as a couple to get from where you are to where you need to be? 

•Is there anything your spouse did this past week that may have unknowingly hurt you? 

•What is something that never ends well?

•If you had to write a note to your younger self, what would you say in only 3 words? 

•In what ways have you attempted to communicate love and appreciation to your spouse today?

Closing

I truly hope this post gave you some encouragement!

As always, if there's anything I can be praying for you for, feel free to ask!

With love,

Nicole

Love Languages for Kids

Here are the 5 love languages given by Gary Chapman : 

Words of Affirmation

Acts of Service

Receiving Gifts

Quality Time

Physical Touch

Do you know your child's love language?

Penelope is three and a half and it is extremely noticeable that words of affirmation is her top love language, followed closely by physical touch. Penny can wake up in a sour mood and all it takes are some compliments and a mini back-rub to turn her day around.

Lillian is two and I've caught on that her top love language is physical touch followed by quality time. In Lilly's perfect world we would spend an hour staring into each other's eyes while I hold her in my lap, allowing one of her hands to be on my chest while the other rests on her chest - all in silence of course. 

Children need love, lots and lots of love. 

I think it's very important that children are shown love in a variety of ways. 
But if you can pinpoint how they receive it best, do that love language most!


Words of Affirmation

• compliments
• encouragement
• positive reinforcement
• cautious of speaking in harsh tones

Acts of Service

• doing the tasks they can't do for themselves (when they're older do tasks for them that they have learned to do for themselves, but don't enable laziness)
• helping them practice sports, flash cards for tests, instruments, etc.
• teaching them the importance of serving others
• fix broken toys, sew buttons/tears/rips on clothing

Receiving Gifts

• homemade cards (spend time on a nice picture or words)
• small/inexpensive trinkets
• well thought out large/expensive gifts
• items from nature (rocks, leaves, etc.)

Quality Time

• Go on a one-on-one date
• Read books, make crafts, adventure outside, play
• Put away distractions, get on their level, and just BE with them (for at least a half hour)
• Ask open-ended questions to encourage conversation 

Physical Touch

• hugs
• hand on shoulder
• hold hands
• back/foot/hand rubs

Us parents have the difficult task of shaping and raising future generations.  

 Thankfully, the Beatles make it sound easy when they say, "all you need is love."

They still bring up this "magical adventure meal"
when they got to eat in the window seat
because we sold our dining table.

Love well, friends! 
Love well!

Being A Parent

Oh, parents! 

May you never forget the moment your child arrived.

When your child is new to you there is this connection that is indescribable! 

You're in "the love bubble."

Penelope Joy

Lillian August

They are perfect. 
They smell so stinking delicious you really do just want to eat them right up! 

Years go on and things change :
Just like with any relationship the excitement, newness, thrill-of-it-all dissipates.

You find yourself realizing :

The infatuation has worn off...with my kid(s)!

But the thing about being a parent : there is no "breaking up." 

You're in it for the long-haul. 

So, what does this really mean?!

You have to start putting in serious work.
You have to choose to love them through it all. 
You have to start being intentional. 

Take a few deep breaths. 

Now, have a dance party! 

Allow your kids to be kids.

Let them get dirty.

Read them their favorite book over & over.

Get on their level & explore the magic in everything. 

Give them more hugs. 

Did you know kids give THE BEST hugs?!

Never forget the joy. 
Don't give up.
Love them unconditionally.
Love them well. 

Wishing you all the best in your parenting journey!  

Marriage Is What You Make It

Marriage is seriously all about what YOU put into it.

You can't change your spouse.

But you can change your attitude.

Sometimes you won't like each other, but always chose to love through it.

If you both give 100% that's when things jive!

Pray for your spouse daily. 

Pray for your marriage.

Protect your marriage.

Don't speak ill of your spouse to anyone! 

Find out your spouse's love language. 

It may change constantly.

Loving your spouse well makes a huge positive difference.

You should be able to express an opinion without an argument ensuing.

Not everything has to turn into an epic battle!

Fight FOR each other & not against each other!

In my short 7 years of married life I've noticed seasons in our marriage.

Really good & really not good times.

I can almost always correlate it with what I'm putting IN.

Be intentional. Mix it up.

Love. Love well. Love always.

How I Started To Enjoy Parenting Again!

I do not deserve a gold star for the past few months in regards to parenting.
I had a short fuse and couldn't seem to respond to things without snapping and/or yelling.
I had gotten into a routine, a rut, where I wasn't choosing to enjoy each day with my girls.
I had forgot that I am the one to set the example and the tone.

Step one was realizing this.
Step two was figuring out a solution.

Here are six things that help me change my bad attitude :  

1) Scream & Shake
When I feel myself getting frustrated with one or both of the girls I take a deep breath and say, "ready to scream and shake it out so we're happy the rest of the day?!"
Then we scream and shake our bodies.
Okay, I scream and shake it out while the girls look at me like I'm crazy.

2) Dance Parties
JUST DANCE!

3) A Simple Reminder
I set a timer on my phone to go off every day at 9am and 3pm :: "ENJOY THE GIRLS TODAY!!"

4) Pray
It really is that simple.
Pray.

5) Don't Be So Hard On Yourself
You will fail. But that doesn't make you a failure.
God designed our sweet little loves to forgive and forget easily.
They move on, and so should we.
But we also need to always strive to better ourselves.
Always strive to be the best parent you can be.
Just don't beat yourself up over every mistake.

6) Ask For Help
The other day I called my parents and asked them to watch the girls so I could have even just an hour to myself.
In the hour they were gone I MISSED them.
That short time apart helped me remember just how much I love them!

The days are long, but the years are short.

Always choose joy. 

Jeremiah 4:3b

Like a farmer breaking up hard unplowed ground, you must break your rebellious will and make a new beginning; just as a farmer must clear away thorns lest the seed is wasted, you must get rid of the sin that is ruining your lives.

Heart Cleanse

I've been doing a little inward cleaning lately and my! oh my! is my heart dirty.
I harbor hate, negativity, bitterness & anger.
I didn't even know I was holding so tightly to these feelings until a few recent incidences.
How do I feel about this realization?
Wonderful!  [I hope you can detect the sarcasm.]
It is never an awesome thing to realize how ugly your heart is. 
I don't want to be a bitter old lady at the age of 25!
What young female aspires to that?!
With this ugliness happening on the inside I have come to find out it pours out of me as being standoffish and rude.
If I were asked to describe myself I would have never thought to use those two words.
I realized I was holding on to bad feelings, but not that it was making me treat people in a bad way.
I am extremely grateful for a friend who pointed this out to me.
Sometimes I can be extremely oblivious to how I treat others or the "vibes" I give off.
I would hope that all of my friends and family love me enough to be brutally honest and tell me how I'm acting is not ok.
Seriously.
Brutally honest.
I need it!
I don't want Penelope to grow up with a rude mom.
I read a blog post I found on either Facebook or Pinterest and it really spoke to me.
Raising a Kind Daughter by Kari Kampakis...basically she says to have a kind daughter you have to be a kind mother.
It makes perfect sense. 
Children mirror the actions they see.
If I want Penelope to be a sweet, kind, loving, positive individual then I need to live those qualities out myself.
Am I going to mess up still and have a bad day and act out of anger? Most definitely.
But am I going to strive really hard to change my attitude into one I want Penelope to mirror? You betcha!
Penelope deserves it.
Zach deserves it.
Truly anyone I encounter deserves it.

Proverbs 10:12

Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all offenses.

Proverbs 29:11 

A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control.

Ephesians 4:31-32

Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

Philippians 4:8

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.