Copycats

Oh friends,
         I have a confession.

This past week I overheard Penelope, age 3, pretending to be a momma.
There was a lot of negativity & yelling. 
Then as she was pretending to get Lilly ready for bed she got really sweet -- cuddly, happy tone of voice, singing songs, kisses, prayers. 

What did I learn from this? 

I appear happiest when it's time for my girls to go to sleep 

and they're mirroring my ugly! 

How does that make me feel?

Like a completely awful mom!

I have a hard time giving myself grace because once I mess up I feel like I've scarred them for life. 

I have a lot of emotional damage from my childhood.
I grew up wanting kids because ::
I was going to parent so much better.
I was going to be the best.
Then after a few years of marriage I realized how much work goes into a healthy relationship & quickly didn't want children anymore ::
I didn't want to fail.
I didn't want to let them down.

Zach & I had a fight one day.
I said, "I don't ever want kids."
Two weeks later I found out I was pregnant.
I prayed & prayed that it was a boy.
Boys seem to forgive easier - they don't seem to hold grudges as long.
A girl seemed impossible.
Penelope Joy was born.
A short 9 months later I was pregnant again.
"Please God, I am BEGGING you...I cannot ruin two girls lives!"
Lillian August was born.

"For I know the plans I have for you" declares the Lord. 

"Plans to prosper you & not to harm you. 

Plans for a hope & future." 

Jeremiah 29:11

I realize God knew what He was doing when he blessed me with my two little loves.

Being a stay-at-home mom is my full-time job. 

This past week I failed miserably. 

Had I been at a "real" job they would have fired me.

Slaves, obey your earthly masters in everything you do. Try to please them all the time, not just when they are watching you. Serve them sincerely because of your reverent fear of the Lord. Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you are working for the Lord rather than for people. Remember that the Lord will give you an inheritance as your reward, 

and that the Master you are serving is Christ.

Colossians 3:22-24

So, what's the solution?! 

I need to be the mother I hope they become one day.

I need to continue to work on me! 

Constantly. 

Constantly cleansing my heart. 

Constantly being intentional with my time & genuine joy of getting to mother my littles. 

So dear friends I'll leave you with this ::

Let's find the power in optimism! 
Let's be the best we can be! 
Let's fight our negative urges!
Let's start new positive habits! 

Wishing you all the best in your parenting!

Enjoy!

Nicole

Heart Cleanse

I've been doing a little inward cleaning lately and my! oh my! is my heart dirty.
I harbor hate, negativity, bitterness & anger.
I didn't even know I was holding so tightly to these feelings until a few recent incidences.
How do I feel about this realization?
Wonderful!  [I hope you can detect the sarcasm.]
It is never an awesome thing to realize how ugly your heart is. 
I don't want to be a bitter old lady at the age of 25!
What young female aspires to that?!
With this ugliness happening on the inside I have come to find out it pours out of me as being standoffish and rude.
If I were asked to describe myself I would have never thought to use those two words.
I realized I was holding on to bad feelings, but not that it was making me treat people in a bad way.
I am extremely grateful for a friend who pointed this out to me.
Sometimes I can be extremely oblivious to how I treat others or the "vibes" I give off.
I would hope that all of my friends and family love me enough to be brutally honest and tell me how I'm acting is not ok.
Seriously.
Brutally honest.
I need it!
I don't want Penelope to grow up with a rude mom.
I read a blog post I found on either Facebook or Pinterest and it really spoke to me.
Raising a Kind Daughter by Kari Kampakis...basically she says to have a kind daughter you have to be a kind mother.
It makes perfect sense. 
Children mirror the actions they see.
If I want Penelope to be a sweet, kind, loving, positive individual then I need to live those qualities out myself.
Am I going to mess up still and have a bad day and act out of anger? Most definitely.
But am I going to strive really hard to change my attitude into one I want Penelope to mirror? You betcha!
Penelope deserves it.
Zach deserves it.
Truly anyone I encounter deserves it.

Proverbs 10:12

Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all offenses.

Proverbs 29:11 

A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control.

Ephesians 4:31-32

Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

Philippians 4:8

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.