For : the stay-at-home parent

Greetings!

I recently saw someone I hadn't seen in a couple years.
He asked how I've been, what I've been up to, what I do for work?

My response : "I'm just a stay-at-home mom."

Instantly, I cringed at my response.
Just. I am not JUST anything.

I am a pirate, a queen,

and a multitude of other characters.

I am an elephant, a bear,

and countless other animals.

I am a toilet bowl cleaner, cook, 

and a doer of many other household chores. 

I am a supporter, a listener, an ouchie kisser, 

and I possess a mishmash of other qualities. 

Today, as I'm planning out Christmas gifts, I am the best bargain hunter and thrift-scorer! 

I need to give myself more credit for what it is I actually do all day. 

And if I know other stay-at-home parents like I think I do, 

you need to give yourself more credit as well! 

Being a stay-at-home parent is not for the meek.
You are an eclectic mix with an extremely broad resumé.

Embrace your multiple identities!

Be the best you can be! 

Do 'work' you're proud of!

Love. Love well!

And remember, you're not just anything...

Wishing you all the best in your parenting journey,

Nicole

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

Being A Parent

Oh, parents! 

May you never forget the moment your child arrived.

When your child is new to you there is this connection that is indescribable! 

You're in "the love bubble."

Penelope Joy

Lillian August

They are perfect. 
They smell so stinking delicious you really do just want to eat them right up! 

Years go on and things change :
Just like with any relationship the excitement, newness, thrill-of-it-all dissipates.

You find yourself realizing :

The infatuation has worn off...with my kid(s)!

But the thing about being a parent : there is no "breaking up." 

You're in it for the long-haul. 

So, what does this really mean?!

You have to start putting in serious work.
You have to choose to love them through it all. 
You have to start being intentional. 

Take a few deep breaths. 

Now, have a dance party! 

Allow your kids to be kids.

Let them get dirty.

Read them their favorite book over & over.

Get on their level & explore the magic in everything. 

Give them more hugs. 

Did you know kids give THE BEST hugs?!

Never forget the joy. 
Don't give up.
Love them unconditionally.
Love them well. 

Wishing you all the best in your parenting journey!  

20 Things I Want You To Know & Remember

Dear little love,

I promise to always love you. 

I promise to always welcome you with an open heart & arms. 

I am beyond blessed that God gifted me with you.

I am here to help guide you in creating a wonderful life...

20 things I want you to know & remember. 

1. Love God. Above all else, pursue relationship with Jesus. Every day should start with, "Hello, Jesus!" and end with "Goodnight, God!" Pray without ceasing.
2. Go on adventures; no matter how big or small. 
3. Be a great friend.
4. Create. Play. Draw. Paint. 
5. Read something every day.
6. Get outside as much as possible. Breathe in the fresh air. Explore the outdoors. 
Skip. Jump. Run. Climb. 
7. Ooze positivity. You & those around you will benefit greatly.  
8. Accept others for who they are. 
9. Exude the fruit of The Spirit : love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness & self-control.
10. Keep it simple. 
11. Be confident in who you are.
12. Maintain your health : body, mind & spirit.
13. Love well. Love God, family, friends, acquaintances & strangers. 
14. Laugh often.
15. Enjoy your life. Enjoy the good, bad, ugly & beautiful. 
16. Sometimes all it takes is remembering to "just breathe." 
17. Admit when you're wrong & always apologize if you need to. 
18. Never lose who you are by trying to impress someone else. 
19. Make family a priority.  
20. You are enough. Quit comparing. You were created because this world needed a YOU! We need your stories, passions, experiences, failures & love. This world was meant to exist with you & everything you have to offer. So just be YOU! 

I'll love you forever,

momma

Children's Books

READ!

My mother was a librarian for 14 years of my childhood.

What did this mean for me?

I spent a gazillion hours in the public library thumbing through an assortment of stories.

I was carried away to distant lands. I had fictional friends. I learned & dreamed & explored.

Reading is magical. 

We have so many favorite children's books!
Here are some of our most favorites...

The Jesus Storybook Bible by Sally Lloyd-Jones 

I Love You Through & Through by Bernadette Rossetti 

Giraffe's Cant Dance by Giles Andreae

Llama Llama Nighty Night by Anna Dewdney

Geraldine's Big Snow by Holly Keller
A Porcupine Named Fluffy by Helen Lester
Panda-monium! by Cynthia Platt
The Mitten by Jan Brett
The Twelve Dancing Princesses by Marianna Mayer
Duck & Goose Find a Pumpkin by Tad Hills
God Knows All About Me by Kate Toms
Are You A Cow? by Sandra Boynton
Ten Little Ladybugs by Melanie Gerth
Witzy's Fun Bath by Katie Kobble
P-O-T-T-Y by Kathy Ireland

I encourage you to read to your children! 

Open up new world's for them.

Create a special bond through reading together. 

I promise you, your child(ren) won't be the only one benefiting! 

Enjoy!

Nicole

Let me introduce myself...again!

Zach, Nicole, Penelope [3], Lillian [1.5]

Hello,

     I am Nicole!

Welcome to a peek inside this Dowler house!

We are recent first-time home buyers who live in northwest Montana.

We try to get out as often as we can to explore the beauty our state has to offer.

As a stay-at-home mom my days are filled with beautiful chaos.

I could not get through this life without the ever-present hand of God.

The biggest aspects of our lives summed up in five words ::

Jesus. Family. Friends. Food. Adventure.

This blog is a place for me to get it all out : the good, the bad, the beautiful & the ugly.

Feel free to ask me anything!

Enjoy!

Nicole

Copycats

Oh friends,
         I have a confession.

This past week I overheard Penelope, age 3, pretending to be a momma.
There was a lot of negativity & yelling. 
Then as she was pretending to get Lilly ready for bed she got really sweet -- cuddly, happy tone of voice, singing songs, kisses, prayers. 

What did I learn from this? 

I appear happiest when it's time for my girls to go to sleep 

and they're mirroring my ugly! 

How does that make me feel?

Like a completely awful mom!

I have a hard time giving myself grace because once I mess up I feel like I've scarred them for life. 

I have a lot of emotional damage from my childhood.
I grew up wanting kids because ::
I was going to parent so much better.
I was going to be the best.
Then after a few years of marriage I realized how much work goes into a healthy relationship & quickly didn't want children anymore ::
I didn't want to fail.
I didn't want to let them down.

Zach & I had a fight one day.
I said, "I don't ever want kids."
Two weeks later I found out I was pregnant.
I prayed & prayed that it was a boy.
Boys seem to forgive easier - they don't seem to hold grudges as long.
A girl seemed impossible.
Penelope Joy was born.
A short 9 months later I was pregnant again.
"Please God, I am BEGGING you...I cannot ruin two girls lives!"
Lillian August was born.

"For I know the plans I have for you" declares the Lord. 

"Plans to prosper you & not to harm you. 

Plans for a hope & future." 

Jeremiah 29:11

I realize God knew what He was doing when he blessed me with my two little loves.

Being a stay-at-home mom is my full-time job. 

This past week I failed miserably. 

Had I been at a "real" job they would have fired me.

Slaves, obey your earthly masters in everything you do. Try to please them all the time, not just when they are watching you. Serve them sincerely because of your reverent fear of the Lord. Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you are working for the Lord rather than for people. Remember that the Lord will give you an inheritance as your reward, 

and that the Master you are serving is Christ.

Colossians 3:22-24

So, what's the solution?! 

I need to be the mother I hope they become one day.

I need to continue to work on me! 

Constantly. 

Constantly cleansing my heart. 

Constantly being intentional with my time & genuine joy of getting to mother my littles. 

So dear friends I'll leave you with this ::

Let's find the power in optimism! 
Let's be the best we can be! 
Let's fight our negative urges!
Let's start new positive habits! 

Wishing you all the best in your parenting!

Enjoy!

Nicole

4 Ways To Be "Wild" When Married and/or A Parent

Dearest friends, 

How are you? Truly? 

I am coming out of a season of depression. But it was also a season of growing & learning.

And a season of figuring out what's most important to me.

I've been realizing how many different ways life can go. 

As a wife & mom I pride myself in being the source of stability. 

I am the constant. I am who they can always count on.  

I get the mundane daily tasks done. 

But I also don't want to get so caught up in routine that life looses it's fun-factor! 

I just read a quote :: wild wife = wild life.

So here I have written :

Four Ways To Be "Wild" When Married and/or A Parent

1. YOU NEED TO BE A LITTLE SELFISH!

*This is the toughest one for me because I constantly think 

"how will this affect my husband/daughters?"*

Get to know yourself!
What makes you happy?
Take time to meet a friend for coffee/wine/whatever floats your boat.
Go for a drive or run errands - all alone!
Then you can come back refreshed - even if it was just a five minute drive to the gas station to pick up anti-diarrhea meds.
Being a little selfish doesn't mean leaving on a month-long sabbatical to get your head on straight while spending gobs of cash that you don't have to spend. I know we could all use one of those - but don't be that selfish!
Most of the time when you take time for yourself you become a better, happier you.
Happier you = happier people around you.

2. LET LOOSE!
Spilled milk? I'm pretty sure someone somewhere has given a tutorial on how to clean it up.
No need to throw a bigger tantrum than your two-year-old.
Practice being care-free.
Roll with whatever life throws your way.
Don't sweat the small stuff.
Daily dance parties!


3. CHANNEL YOUR INNER-CHILD
Again - daily dance parties!
Kids do stuff without caring what people think - you should follow suit.
Quit worrying about being judged.
Let your insecurities fly out the window.
Laugh! Have fun!


4. PURSUE NEW THINGS
Don't be afraid to go on adventures together.
The thought of a whining child, or a complaining spouse are enough to make anyone want to turn around. But I encourage you to push through!
Have an interest in something but it's too expensive? Search Craigslist or Facebook Sell Sites.
Ask friends & family if they have one you can borrow, give you, or chip in for.
A lot of times you just need to vocalize your want in order to receive it.

I hope you all feel a little more confident finding your WILD!

* wildflower * wildcat * wildfire * wildcard *wildebeest

So much love to you,      

                                   Nicole

How I Started To Enjoy Parenting Again!

I do not deserve a gold star for the past few months in regards to parenting.
I had a short fuse and couldn't seem to respond to things without snapping and/or yelling.
I had gotten into a routine, a rut, where I wasn't choosing to enjoy each day with my girls.
I had forgot that I am the one to set the example and the tone.

Step one was realizing this.
Step two was figuring out a solution.

Here are six things that help me change my bad attitude :  

1) Scream & Shake
When I feel myself getting frustrated with one or both of the girls I take a deep breath and say, "ready to scream and shake it out so we're happy the rest of the day?!"
Then we scream and shake our bodies.
Okay, I scream and shake it out while the girls look at me like I'm crazy.

2) Dance Parties
JUST DANCE!

3) A Simple Reminder
I set a timer on my phone to go off every day at 9am and 3pm :: "ENJOY THE GIRLS TODAY!!"

4) Pray
It really is that simple.
Pray.

5) Don't Be So Hard On Yourself
You will fail. But that doesn't make you a failure.
God designed our sweet little loves to forgive and forget easily.
They move on, and so should we.
But we also need to always strive to better ourselves.
Always strive to be the best parent you can be.
Just don't beat yourself up over every mistake.

6) Ask For Help
The other day I called my parents and asked them to watch the girls so I could have even just an hour to myself.
In the hour they were gone I MISSED them.
That short time apart helped me remember just how much I love them!

The days are long, but the years are short.

Always choose joy. 

Jeremiah 4:3b

Like a farmer breaking up hard unplowed ground, you must break your rebellious will and make a new beginning; just as a farmer must clear away thorns lest the seed is wasted, you must get rid of the sin that is ruining your lives.

To mom's who are about to give birth! [Part 3 : The Aftermath]

To listen to this : LISTEN HERE

Hello (again, again) beautiful momma!

I'm so glad you decided to stop by and read this!

I am a mother to two girls who are 18 months and 1 day apart.

I delivered both of them via water birth at a free-standing birth center.

I share this so that you know when I'm giving my advice you know that I have no idea what a hospital birth is like. I have never had a c-section. I have never been given the option to have an epidural, or any other "drugs." -- I'm sure if when I felt that ring of fire with my first I would have gladly accepted any and everything they offered because holy guacamole I pushed a 14" head out of me!! But I didn't have that option so I had to dig deep into my inner being and tell myself that I could do this, and I WOULD get through it! Then a few short months later I willingly decided I wanted to do it without the option of drugs again! Just call me crazy!

*If you are planning on having a hospital birth or have a cesarean section planned 

this should still pertain to you.*

Part 3 : The Aftermath.

Congratulations!!
Now you have an infant and you're supposed to take them home and take care of them, while you yourself need to heal!



1) Taking Care Of You.

Products:
Dermoplast (if you tore - even a little) and Lansinoh HPA Lanolin (if you are breastfeeding) are your new best friends!
Dermoplast numbs your nether regions, so if you tore it takes away most (if not all) of the pain and discomfort down there!
Lanolin helps dry, cracked nipples that aren't used to someone sucking the milk out of them! It's safe for baby too!
*I was in Target buying my lanolin for 2nd babe when a sweet pregnant gal looked at me desperately.
"This is so embarrassing, but do you know where the nipple cream is?! I heard lan-something is the best, and I'm about to give birth and I'm so nervous, and my friend had the worst experience, and then they gave her lan-whatever and then she was fine and I'm just so nervous."
Us mom's need to stick together and support each other.
There are parts of pregnancy, labor & delivery, and the aftermath that I feel aren't talked about. Maybe it's out of embarrassment.
But if my sister-in-law hadn't given me dermoplast I'm not sure I would be living to tell my tale, so I feel the need to share with any and all new momma's who maybe have no idea what they're in for!

Personal:
I made it a goal to shower every day that first week after my babes were born.
I bled for a full six weeks after both my babes.
I got my stomach back ridiculously quick with my first. With my second my muscles separated (known as diastasis recti) so here I am 9 months postpartum and I still have a pooch/rounded belly.
I honestly don't think anyone told me about the contractions you continue to have while your uterus shrinks back to normal size (I'm sure my midwife did and I just didn't realize how painful it would be so I was not mentally prepared). And if you breastfeed it's so intense those first few days while baby feeds. I screamed out in pain and thought I was giving birth again, except this time the reward was not a beautiful child, it was just straight pain and my euphoria had worn off so I was NOT a happy camper.
Speaking of mood - with my first I felt pretty great. Hormones leave your body and you can have mild to severe mood swings. I got migraines (two during labor, and two in the following weeks). With my second my mood was all over the place. Depressed, angry, quiet/internal, and just flat out not feeling like myself.
Talk to your doctor! Get help! Don't be afraid to speak up about any concerns!
When you're running on little to no sleep, you have a child(ren) to take care of all day, you're physically recovering, your husband still expects dinner & a clean house (not blaming him for wanting that..it's just tougher to accomplish for you), and whatever else you're going through can be a lot to handle.
You are not a failure. You are a mother! A new mommy who has a lot going on.
Talk. Talk to someone. Talk to any one. Ask questions.
I cried. A lot.
I still cry. A lot! Over anything and everything, the tears just start flowing!
Do your kegals! Do them while you're pregnant too!
Drink a ton of water!



2) Taking Care Of Baby:

Clipping their fingernails is the worst thing EVER!
The umbilical cord is a strange thing! Our first babe's fell off by day two. Our second babe's started to smell and didn't fall off until around day ten!
CARSEAT - this one freaks me out! Baby's have died because their carseat wasn't installed properly or they weren't strapped in properly. You can take the carseat to your local police station and they will show you how to install it, and then they have you do it in front of them. When strapping baby in the chest clip needs to be in-line with their armpits or higher on their chest (this goes for toddler's too!). If it's too low their shoulders can collapse and they could slip right through..it has happened, so please do what you can to prevent it!
Poop explosions! Visit my post here!



3) Visitors

If someone is coming to meet your baby, they need to bring food!
I don't care if they pick up a single muffin from the gas station - make it known they must bring food!
My sister-in-law set up a week's worth of friends and family to stop by and bring us dinner.
Either you or someone close to you needs to do this for you! They even have websites specifically for this now!
Trust me, the last thing you'll feel like doing is making breakfast, lunch & dinner. And if you're breastfeeding you're going to want snacks throughout the day too.

With our first I had a very difficult time with visitors.
I always feel like I need to host if someone is coming over.
Clean house.
Look presentable.
Offer food and beverages.
When you have a newborn baby it's not that easy to provide these things for your guests.
Maybe it will be for you, supermom! But it was not for me.
I was embarrassed because I could barely stand up to go pee. I was also embarrassed when I was scrambling to keep myself covered while attempting to feed my screaming infant and our guy friends no longer knew how to talk or where to look. I hadn't touched the housework. I could offer beverages, but had to ask someone else to retrieve them.

The best visitor:
Shows up with dinner. (And muffins, and cookies!)
Takes your baby and demands you go take a shower.
Cleans your bathroom.
Leaves within an hour.

Our second was born in February.
Flu season.
And she was our second.
I think we only had two visitors that weren't family!
I felt great (since I didn't tear), and was like "where is everyone?! Does no one want to meet her??"

Again, this is sort of a "you know yourself." You know your limits. Every situation is different.
Just make sure to speak up if you feel your guest is overstaying their welcome - especially if they didn't even bring food! ;-)



4) Document!

Lastly, I would like to tell you to document every little milestone!
Whether it be through writing, photographs/videos, painting, etc.

I have an ongoing "note" on my phone that I write every milestone on. Then when I find time I write it out in the girls' journals.
With our oldest I tell her funny things she says now that she's two!
But when they're under one they are hitting new milestones almost daily so there are lots of fun little things that are so awesome to be able to look back on and say, "oh yeah, you were 8 hours old when you smiled for the first time!"

I wish you nothing but the best momma!

Love,
Nicole

To mom's who are about to give birth! [Part 2 : Labor & Delivery]

To listen: LISTEN HERE

Hello (again) beautiful momma!

I'm so glad you decided to stop by and read this!

I am a mother to two girls who are 18 months and 1 day apart.

I delivered both of them via water birth at a free-standing birth center.

I share this so that you know when I'm giving my advice you know that I have no idea what a hospital birth is like. I have never had a c-section. I have never been given the option to have an epidural, or any other "drugs." -- I'm sure if when I felt that ring of fire with my first I would have gladly accepted any and everything they offered because holy guacamole I pushed a 14" head out of me!! But I didn't have that option so I had to dig deep into my inner being and tell myself that I could do this, and I WOULD get through it! Then a few short months later I willingly decided I wanted to do it without the option of drugs again! Just call me crazy!

*If you are planning on having a hospital birth or have a cesarean section planned 

this [part 2] post may not pertain to you.*

Part 2 : Labor & Delivery

You've made your birth plan.
You're contracting.
You can't remember what your birth plan was.
"Holy crap! I'm pushing!!"
Then you're holding your baby and you don't remember the pain you just went through.
You don't remember pooping, you don't remember the tearing/extreme stretching and burning you just felt, you don't remember screaming obscenities at your poor husband "who did this to you!"

Here's the deal with labor and delivery, end result : your child(ren) is (are) born!
They enter this world through you!
That's it.
That's all you really need to get you through. The end result is the birth of your child(ren).



1) Contractions.

Pressure.
Discomfort.
JUST BREATHE!
Honestly, from the bottom of my momma heart to yours, JUST BREATHE!
In through your nose and out through your mouth.
If you remember ONE thing : JUST BREATHE!

Nearing the end when the pain is feeling quite unbearable and all you can picture is stuff from movies and tv shows where you see the mom pushing with all her strength and screaming and crying and it's hectic and you just want her to feel relief already for goodness sake!
It doesn't have to be that way!

With every contraction I took a moment to breathe really deep and get focused.
I imagined myself opening just a little bit more to allow baby to pass through.
I knew it would take time, so I wasn't focused on how long I had already been in labor.
I took each contraction as it came.
I didn't look back at all I had already been through.
I focused on getting through the contraction I was feeling.
There were quite a few that I screamed out in annoyance, or frustration, or pain.
But mainly I just breathed. Really deep. And at the end I made those weird animal-like sounds that I said I would never make because "that's just weird." But it felt right in the moment and so I grunted and made a noise that came deep from the back of my throat!
But mainly I just remembered to breathe!



2) The ring of fire.

Yes, it's a real thing!



3) Exhaustion.

With my first daughter I went into labor around 7pm at night. Had contractions throughout the night (slept some in between). Got to the birth center at 10:30am with contractions five minutes apart lasting 1-1.5minutes. Started pushing around 4:30pm and had her at 5:36pm.
I had not eaten since dinner the night before so during labor my midwife gave me a spoon full of honey, a fruit popsicle, and frozen grapes to give me some energy.

With my second daughter I had "false" labor for about 12 days so the night of actual labor where I started counting contractions started at about 8:30pm and I had her at 11:54pm.
We had prepared to have popsicles, and honey, and frozen grapes but we barely got the tub filled before I had her so there was no real exhaustion with her.



4) Pushing.

With my first I remember the moment so clearly. I was in the tub and yelled, "I'm pushing!"
I can't explain it other than, my body just knew. I knew it was time and with that contraction I pushed.   Now most of us only have ever seen "birth" on tv, so like me, you probably think you need to push with every ounce of energy you have. I pushed for 50 minutes until she came. My midwife kept saying, "just breathe her out. You don't need to push so hard. Don't push this time, just breathe!" I didn't really listen to what she was saying, and just wanted her out so bad. I thought it was never going to happen so I pushed and pushed with all my might. The outcome was a small tear that needed sewn that would cause weeks of uncomfortable walking, peeing, etc. Thankfully it wasn't worse!

With my second I only pushed for 11 minutes. And I honestly never pushed. I BREATHED her out! And I DIDN'T TEAR!!
I totally understood what my midwife was saying the second time.
I did say, "I think she's stuck!" But that was just a moment of weakness and doubt in myself.

Here is where I get real and overshare..but all for the sake of helping a fellow momma out! 

When I was pregnant with my second my sister-in-law had told me to use all of my poops as practice.
I know, I know...I thought it was insane too! Until I tried it!
So every time I had to poop I would "breathe it out."
The difference was life-changing for pushing a child out!
It is somewhat the same sensation, so it makes complete sense that it helped!



5) JOY

Pure freaking JOY!
You are holding a child that you grew inside of you.
That you birthed.
That you get to love for as long as you're living.
It truly is love at first sight.
A moment that has so much built up anticipation.
You meet your son/your daughter, and your life is never the same after.

I'm so excited for you and I may not even know you!
That moment is so uniquely yours, but also something that every momma can totally sympathize with.



6) You're not done, yet!

So you birth your child, and then for some reason in my mind I was like "Sweet, let's pack up and go home!
NOPE!
You continue to have contractions.
Then you have to birth the placenta!
Shoot me freaking NOW!
Then you have to stand up at some point.
And walk.
And pee.

But truly, it's all worth it.
Every ounce of pain is completely worth it.
You brought a child into the world.
You are a momma!

Now go practice breathing your poops out!

Love,
Nicole

To mom's who are about to give birth! [Part 1 : Leading Up To Labor & Delivery]

To listen to this episode : LISTEN HERE

 Hello beautiful momma!

I'm so glad you decided to stop by and read this!

I am a mother to two girls who are 18 months and 1 day apart.

I delivered both of them via water birth at a free-standing birth center.

I share this so that you know when I'm giving my advice you know that I have no idea what a hospital birth is like. I have never had a c-section. I have never been given the option to have an epidural, or any other "drugs." -- I'm sure if when I felt that ring of fire with my first I would have gladly accepted any and everything they offered because holy guacamole I pushed a 14" head out of me!! But I didn't have that option so I had to dig deep into my inner being and tell myself that I could do this, and I WOULD get through it! Then a few short months later I willingly decided I wanted to do it without the option of drugs again! Just call me crazy!

*Even if you are planning on having a hospital birth or have a cesarean section planned 

this should still pertain to you.*

I would like to say Congratulations!!
You are growing a human inside of you!!
You are now a full-blown badass!
You are experiencing / have experienced selflessness on a WHOLE other level.
You are a mother!

Part 1 : Leading Up To Labor & Delivery

1) Do your kegals!

That is all.
Just do them - every day.



2) Birth Plan

You have either already decided your birth plan, or need to decide what is best for you, your child, and your unique situation.
This is something that a lot of people will want to give their opinion on.
Opinions will fly at you from where the child(ren) MUST be birthed (at a hospital, in the water, in a bed at home, etc.), what position is the absolute best for delivery (squat, laying on back, in the shower, on all fours in a tub, etc.), drugs (you'll harm your baby if you do, you won't be able to get through it without them, etc.), who should be in the room at time of delivery, etc. etc.

Here is what I have to say on all of it : you are the mother! You are the one who has grown the child(ren) inside you. You know yourself.
Educate yourself!
It's great to know options and know that there isn't only one way to birth a child.
You may go into it having a very specific expectation or plan on how it will all go and then mid-labor you might change your mind or the situation may change and you'll have to adapt.
Personally I went into both my labor & deliveries with certain expectations but in the back of my mind convinced myself I would be okay if things went differently.



3) You will be judged.

It's unavoidable. It's inevitable.
Someone, somewhere is going to disagree with your birth plan because that's not how they did it.
Or they feel they know what will be best for you because, "I know you Nicole, you don't take pain very well. You're going to want the drugs. You would be crazy to not have your baby in a hospital. So and so's baby almost died because they used midwives. Do they even know what they're doing?! God created hospitals and modern medicine for a reason. I know they used to go squat in the woods and deliver the baby themselves, but they also died in delivery..." And on it went from multiple woman whom I love and complete strangers who just felt the need to share with me.
Or you decide to drink a coke for the first time in 6 months and gosh darn it don't you know the effects caffeine has on a fetus!?
Or you honestly had no idea that you're not supposed to eat lunch meat so you ate your ham sandwich every day for the first four months because that's what you craved.
The glares. The blatant commenters. The "can I just give you a piece of advice?" givers.
You will be judged.
Don't let any of it get to you. Be confident in the decisions you make.
You are the momma.

4) You were given a "due date."

Use that date as more of a general day the baby will be born around -- give or take up to two weeks.
So many momma's, myself included, get so set on that being the day that we set ourselves up for complete (avoidable) disappointment.
My first was 5 days late.
My second was 6 days late.
Only about 5% of baby's are born on their due date.



5) Don't compare.

You are not your sister. You are not your mother. You are not your best friend. You are not that complete stranger.
YOU ARE YOU!
All momma's are unique.
You just need to do what feels right for you and your baby(ies).
Except don't eat that donut every day, because no matter how right it feels, you will most definitely have a hard time getting your thighs back to normal! ;-)
Honestly though, you're going to be raising that child/those children how you see fit, so you may as well bring them into the world how you see fit too!



6) LOVE.

Remember to love yourself.
Love your body, your forgetful mind you've newly acquired, your stretch marks, and your emotions you can't control.
Love your baby.
Love your baby when they're jabbing their foot in your ribs at 3am and then decide to punch your bladder making you pee yourself!

You got this momma!

Now go eat that donut I made you crave! ;-)

Love,
Nicole

Heart Cleanse

I've been doing a little inward cleaning lately and my! oh my! is my heart dirty.
I harbor hate, negativity, bitterness & anger.
I didn't even know I was holding so tightly to these feelings until a few recent incidences.
How do I feel about this realization?
Wonderful!  [I hope you can detect the sarcasm.]
It is never an awesome thing to realize how ugly your heart is. 
I don't want to be a bitter old lady at the age of 25!
What young female aspires to that?!
With this ugliness happening on the inside I have come to find out it pours out of me as being standoffish and rude.
If I were asked to describe myself I would have never thought to use those two words.
I realized I was holding on to bad feelings, but not that it was making me treat people in a bad way.
I am extremely grateful for a friend who pointed this out to me.
Sometimes I can be extremely oblivious to how I treat others or the "vibes" I give off.
I would hope that all of my friends and family love me enough to be brutally honest and tell me how I'm acting is not ok.
Seriously.
Brutally honest.
I need it!
I don't want Penelope to grow up with a rude mom.
I read a blog post I found on either Facebook or Pinterest and it really spoke to me.
Raising a Kind Daughter by Kari Kampakis...basically she says to have a kind daughter you have to be a kind mother.
It makes perfect sense. 
Children mirror the actions they see.
If I want Penelope to be a sweet, kind, loving, positive individual then I need to live those qualities out myself.
Am I going to mess up still and have a bad day and act out of anger? Most definitely.
But am I going to strive really hard to change my attitude into one I want Penelope to mirror? You betcha!
Penelope deserves it.
Zach deserves it.
Truly anyone I encounter deserves it.

Proverbs 10:12

Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all offenses.

Proverbs 29:11 

A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control.

Ephesians 4:31-32

Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

Philippians 4:8

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.