I wrote them a letter and thought it may benefit other married couples, so I wanted to share it here...
When you entered into marriage, you chose to take the greatest road trip of your life!
In preparation for a road trip you typically take your car in for preventative maintenance, right?!
And so it is with marriage...make sure you are intentional with your maintenance!!
- Date your mate!
- at least 1 hour each week!
- Monthly meet!
- get together with another couple once a month
- accountability
- discuss uncomfortable/difficult topics or express the pure joys
- Jay + Katherine Wolf encouragement:
- Be prepared. Build your foundation on the Rock, because storms will come.
- Don't Wait To Celebrate!
"Marriage is spelled W-O-R-K." Levi Lusko
CONFLICT : 10% is due to difference of opinion & 90% is due to tone of voice & delivery.
*This next part is all principles from The Gottman Institute.*
Healthy Conflict Resolution : each of you seeing the other person's perspective and either agreeing to disagree or one of you shifting your perspective to match the others.
- Use A Gentle Start-Up
- I feel...about...I need...
- Example : I feel overwhelmed about always being the one to do the dishes, take out the trash & clean the toilet. I need us to come up with a schedule to delegate household chores more equally.
- Describe Your Own Feelings and Needs
- complain without blame
- saying things like "I feel disrespected when you are doing/aren't doing,,," invites defensiveness to show up in a flash.
- Take Responsibility
- Apologize.
- Fill Your Own Tank First
- I'm sure you've heard on an airplane "put your own oxygen mask on first and then help others."
- In marriage you aren't going to be able to help your spouse if your own needs are't met.
- Meaning : schedule weekly guy/girl nights and/or alone time.
"Most marriages start in the wrong place - even Christian marriages - because they start with happiness as the goal. God did not create that as the goal; that was supposed to be a benefit."
-Dr. Tony Evans
"To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the loving cup,
Whenever you're wrong, admit it;
Whenever you're right, shut up."
-Ogden Nash
"If Satan gets an inch, he'll try to take a mile."
-Cindy Beall
The devil is here to steal, kill, and destroy.
Fighting FOR your marriage puts a big target on your backs.
The best solution is keeping Jesus at the center.
Take your gripes about your spouse to Jesus 1st and then to your spouse 2nd.
Pray often. Pray together.
God gifted you a wonderful helpmate.
Your spouse will never be perfect. Your spouse will never fill all your needs and desires - only God is capable of fulfilling all our voids.
Treat your spouse with delicate and tender care.
Do the 5 love languages test and affirm your love for your spouse in the language they receive best.
Imagine yourself a farmer.
You can't change the crop that will bloom, but you can tend to the soil surrounding your seed (spouse).
Give your seed water (prayer), sunlight (positive affirmations), and the best soil (solid Christ-centered foundation).
ENJOY EACH OTHER!
Praying God's blessings, wisdom, and love overflowing!
No comments:
Post a Comment