Friendship

"Well they sure became fast friends." Our neighbor gesturing to his two kiddos and our two girls where only a chain link fence separates them.
Anytime we go to the park and a kid shows kindness to Penny (including her in tag, letting her go down the slide first, saying "hi my name is...") she instantly tells me she made a new friend and hopes they're there the next time we come to the park.
We have multiple books on the subject of friends/friendship.
A lot of little kid tv shows focus around being a good friend.
So when and why do the fast friendships of childhood end?
What is the turning point where we start putting a criteria on people that we're going to allow into our inner circle?
Why do we form cliques and start excluding humans who are just as desperate for love and friendly affection as we are?

We all have our stories or theories of when and why friendships became more complicated.
"Positive adult friendships were never modeled well for me."
"I tried for years but I've been backstabbed/gossiped about/betrayed/left out/etc so I choose to distance myself."
"I'm scared they won't like the real me, so why bother."
"I'm always the one to pour into them, no one pours into me. It's time to focus on me."
It boils down to two factors : laziness and fear.
Relationships take work and take stepping out of our comfort zones.
So how can I be a great friend?
Awesome question! I'm so glad you asked!

Here is a quick tip to get you started, people are primarily interested in themselves.

Our actions are dominated by self-thought and self-interest.
So ask questions like :
"How is your family?"
"Did you enjoy your vacation?"
"Any fun plans for the weekend/upcoming holiday/season/etc?"
Other ways to show interest in conversation:
Applaud and compliment them.
Use their name as often as possible.
Use "you" and "your."
Admit when you're wrong.
Look at the person who is talking.
Lean toward them.
Don't interrupt.
Remember that a great friend is : loyal, understanding, trustworthy, sharing.
Someone who is genuinely happy for others when things go well and tries to cheer them up when things don't go well.
Start with these basics.
Use these tips week to engage with anyone you've been hoping to start a new friendship with.

Grow well, friends!
Nicole

"Friendship cannot be built on small talk alone. Yes, there is a time and a place for it, but it isn't the heart of true connection - genuine conversation is." 

Horchow

"Do not save your loving speeches

For your friends till they are dead;

Do not write them on their tombstones,

Speak them rather now instead."

Anna Cummins

"Wishing to be friends is quick work, but friendship is a slow-ripening fruit." 

Aristotle

“We need others physically, emotionally, intellectually; we need them if we are to know anything, even ourselves.” 

C.S. Lewis

“Friendship arises out of mere companionship when two or more companions discover that they have in common some insight or interest or even taste which the others do not share and which, till that moment, each believed to be his own unique treasure (or burden).” 

C.S. Lewis

"Blessed are they who have the gift of making friends, for it is one  of God's best gifts. It involves many things, but above all, the power of getting out of one's self and appreciating whatever is noble and loving in another." Thomas Hughes

"It's a fact of life, women need other women. Whether it's sharing dessert or lending a listening ear, a good girlfriend is indispensable. Chaos and stress seem much more bearable when shared with a friend. There are some things understood only by women." Unknown

Anxiety + Panic Attacks : Their Cause and Cure

My first memory of anxiety was the classic grocery store experience, around 5 years old, where you think you're standing next to your mom and then you realize she's no where to be seen.
As life progressed other things caused the panic attacks : any sort of presentation for school, giving a maid of honor speech, a friend drinking alcohol and then demanding they drive because it was their car, the thought of anyone close to me dying, getting pulled over, seeing an acquaintance and having to 'small talk' with them, lying, covering up lies with more lies, the thought of 'messing my kids up' or failing them, my girls throwing tantrums in public, a memory of something fearful, flying in airplanes, reading about all of the horrible and terrible things going on in this world, writing about what makes me anxious, and the list goes on and on - kind of like this run on sentence!
The crazy part about my anxiety was I didn't realize I had it until a family member was medically diagnosed. I thought that was just life. She described some symptoms and I thought, "well shoot, that sounds like a lot of my symptoms. Maybe I should research it more." So I had this 'aha' moment at the age of 27 that all those aforementioned experiences were connected to anxiety.
I read books, blogs, articles, and anything I could get my eyes on to figure out how to conquer this demon. I talked with my doctor whose only offer was medication. I talked with my counselor, and honestly made the most breakthroughs and leaps forward in healing using tools she gave me.
Unfortunately, after two years of actively utilizing tips and tricks, I haven't reached what I call fully cured status.
Which brings us to today. Today I sat down to read my 10cent thrift store book entitled Anxiety & Panic Attacks : Their Cause and Cure by Robert Handly (with Pauline Neff). Described in his book is a holistic approach to recovery (without medication).
Below I'll share my notes on the book in hopes you and I both find our cure.


DO YOU:

• panic before you board an airplane?
• freak out before a presentation?
• hyperventilate when you have to leave the house?
• get the shakes before a date?
• want to scream when you enter an elevator?
• feel your stomach drop when your boss asks to see you?
• stay up all night tossing and turning?
• obsess about people, things and places?
• tense up reading the previous questions?

It can come in the form of:

• not being able to concentrate on what's being said to you
• feeling faint
• queasy stomach
• chronic diarrhea
• heart racing
• thinking all eyes are on you
• migraines
• depression
• sweaty palms
• lightheadedness that prevents you from thinking clearly
• trying to spot problems before they happen so you can "plan" for them

Or in terrifying attacks :

• your heart pounds so hard you fear cardiac arrest
• your breathing turns into hyperventilating
• your mind goes haywire with the awful thought that you are about to lose control

As your anxiety continues, you feel worse and worse. Eventually you try coping mechanisms. A painkiller, a pack of cigarettes, a stiff drink or two, screaming at your kids or spouse, eating everything in sight, or sleeping twelve hours a day to try and escape all the bad feelings. You might even develop the most serious panic disorder, a fear of fear itself - at its most severe a phobia that keeps you imprisoned in your home, afraid that if you go outside you will have another panic attack.
But you cope. You go to the doctor and get a prescription. Why try to fight it? That's just the way life is.
The dictionary definition of panic is "a sudden overpowering fright, especially a sudden terror often inspired by a trifling cause or misapprehension of danger and accompanied by unreasoning or frantic efforts to secure safety."
When you worry, think negatively, or have improper attitudes toward stress, you produce vivid mental pictures of the situation you fear. Your body becomes aroused just as if the situation you imagine is actually happening. Then it releases adrenaline, which brings on the physical anxiety symptoms. Therefore; if you can eliminate worry, negative thinking, and improper attitudes toward stress in your mind, you can overcome much of the anxiety that brings on the panic attack.
"A panic attack is a normal reaction of the body to danger. You need to learn to depend on the deepest level of your mind - not will and determination - to control the circumstances in life that are in fact controlling you. And lastly, you need to use both your mind and body to desensitize yourself to the fear of leaving your "safe place."" Dr. Jim Wilson
Another kind of panic attack is associated with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). PTSD is mostly associated with veteran's of war, however; it can occur with rape victims, children who have been emotionally, physically or sexually abused, anyone who has witnessed a violent crime or bloody accident, and even patients who have undergone disfiguring surgery.
His panic disorder forced him to learn how to use the Five Basic Principles to eliminate negative thinking, build self-confidence, and use the extraordinary powers of his unconscious to eliminate anxiety and panic.
In his opinion, everyone who has a panic disorder can recover as completely as he did. The first step is simply to understand thoroughly how your body and mind work together to produce the fear that causes the terrifying physical symptoms.
"A panic attack is no more than a fight or flight response to sudden danger." Dr. Jim Wilson
Negative thinking is a culprit.
Poor self-image builds anxiety.

The Five Basic Principles :

1. Use the creative powers of your unconscious mind to help you change yourself.
The unconscious mind stores up information obtained from your feelings.
He refers to the unconscious mind as "the boss."
The key point to grasp about the boss that nobody ever told you about is that both feelings and behavior are a result of the thoughts you entertain. Furthermore, thoughts are simply ideas, not reality. They are programmed into you at an early age because of your parents' actions, the environment in which you lived and matured, and circumstances you now face in your life. If you choose with the conscious part of your mind to take control over the unconscious, you can completely change those thoughts and reprogram your life. Use alpha stateto send a message to the boss.
Reaching alpha state involves learning how to fully relax and lowering your brain wave cycle rhythm.
For the alpha script click here.
Once you start seeing some results of programming yourself as you use the script, you will know that you reached alpha even though you didn't feel any different. After becoming convinced, you will then begin to recognize that the feeling of passive calmness that comes to you while listening to the script is the same feeling you have when you first wake up and are in alpha naturally.

2. Use visualizations and affirmations to change your self-image so that you feel confidence rather than fear.
Affirmations are statements to yourself that you are at this very moment the way you want to be. If you are feeling anxious and depressed, you should affirm the fact that you are perfectly calm, lovable, and worthy.
Visualizations are the mental pictures you create of yourself accomplishing whatever you want to do or be.
Using the alpha script has made you somewhat familiar with the tools of visualization and affirmation. You visualized your secret resting place and used at least one strong affirmation when you said, "I am awake, feeling fine, and in perfect health."
Visualize scenes that have not yet happened and affirm that you are already different from the way you are now.
You have been using visualizations and affirmations to send commands to your unconscious all your life. If your mental pictures are positive and happy, then you feel upbeat and able to achieve much more than you normally can.
The mental pictures and mind chatter we create can affect our emotional health as much as our actions and physical well-being.
A few examples of good general affirmations that would help anyone subject to anxiety:

• I am a loving, caring person who deserves success.
• Every day, in every way, I am becoming the person I want to be.
• I am perfectly confident, calm, and happy.
• My body is perfectly healthy and normal.
• My mind is functioning perfectly, and I am finding new creative ways to live.

Make your visualizations and affirmations positive, vivid and detailed, incorporate emotions, and use them frequently.

3. Use rational and positive thinking to see yourself and events as they really are and also to visualize how you want them to be.
Discern when you are thinking negatively and irrationally.
Replace those distorted thoughts with positive, rational ones so that Mr. Negative will leave you alone.
He likes to break this goal into what he calls The Five R's

• Realize that Mr. Negative is part of your consciousness
• Recognize when Mr. Negative is calling.
• Refuse to answer.
• Replace negative and irrational thoughts with reality.
• Relax and reprogram the unconscious mind.

A list of the Big Ten cognitive distortions that affect most anxious people :
1. perfectionism
2. rejectionitis
3. negative focus
4. refusing the positives
5. the white-is-black phenomenon
6. stretch-or-shrink thinking
7. creating fictional fantasies
8. "should" and "ought" legalisms
9. mistaken identity
10. saying "my fault"

4. Act as if you are already the way you want to be.
This principle basically teaches how not to play the role of victim.
Acting as if is living as you intend to live. It is creating a game plan for changing the destructive behaviors that cause you the anxiety and then taking responsibility for living as if the game plan is already fulfilled. If you are depressed, it could mean reading a joke book to find funny stories you can tell others - even when you don't find the jokes amusing yourself. Why? Because you know that by acting as if you are happy, you are training your unconscious to stop being depressed. You are no longer allowing yourself to be the victim of fictional fantasy thinking.
When you visualize and affirm that you are calm, you are fooling your unconscious into believing that you are already that way. Acting as if the hammer that nails the positive message in so firmly that it sticks for good.
Intention (visualizing and affirming) -> positive reinforcement (acting as if) -> changed brain response -> calm feelings
Why most people don't act as if : fear of change, belief they can't break a bad habit, and ignorance of how to go about it.

5. Set goals to become the person you want to be.
This principle teaches how to draw your own treasure map.
Set goals? Is that all?
Have you ever set goals for the specific purpose of overcoming anxiety? Have you ever coupled goal-setting with other techniques for using the unconscious which will make goal-achieving easy?
Before you sit down to write out your goals, look at this criteria for succeeding in achieving them.
1. You must have a burning desire to succeed in the goal.
2. Your goal must be believable.
3. Make your goals positive.
4. Set goals in all areas of your life.
Now, create your goal book.
Divide it into three areas - mental (habits to break, family relationships), physical (health), and spiritual (learning about spiritual practices).
First go into alpha and then ask yourself what you truly desire.
After identifying your burning desires in the areas of mental, physical, and spiritual well-being, select the one you consider most important. Write this goal on a separate piece of paper along with all the directions you will need to reach the treasure. Here is what you should record :
1. The goal, stated in a positive manner.
2. Specific visualizations and affirmations of yourself as if you already achieved that goal.
3. The cognitive restructuring you believe necessary to help you achieve the goal.
4. The increments of the goal that reflect how you will act as ifyou have already reached this goal.
Example Goal :
Goal: I see myself as a more loving, self-confident person.
Visualization: I will picture myself smiling as I give compliments to five other people each day.
Affirmations: I am loving and self-confident and I am worthy of the love of other people.
Cognitive Restructuring: I will use blue dots to discern when I am doing stretch-or-shrink thinking and I will stop exaggerating my weaknesses and quit putting myself down.
Acting As If: I will pass out five compliments to other each day and I will use Emotional Transfusion each day to better my relationships with ___________.
Feedback :
Date
Person Complimented - Their reaction
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
Add new goals.

Now it's up to you to take the information and put it to practice.

Take great care,
Nicole

20 Quotes To Encourage + Inspire You To Live Your Most Enjoyable Life

Every once in a while you find yourself needing extra inspiration.
Feeding your mind with daily encouragement is a great way to boost overall positivity in your life.
Here is a list of quotes to help encourage and inspire you to live your most enjoyable life!

1. "The first step towards getting somewhere is to decide that you are not going to stay where you are." J. Pierpont Morgan

2. "That it will never come again is what makes life so sweet." Emily Dickinson

3. "Do not delay; the golden moments fly!" Henry Wadsworth Longfellow


4. "Because of our routines we forget that life is an ongoing adventure." Maya Angelou


5. "Live to shed joy on others." Henry Ward Beecher


6. "You have a unique message to deliver; a unique song to sing, a unique act of love to bestow. This message, this song, and this act of love have been entrusted exclusively to the one and only you." John Powell, S.J.


7. "You win some and you learn some." Barry Johnson


8. "It is not how much we have, but how much we enjoy, that makes us happy." Charles Spurgeon


9. "If you don't prioritize your life, someone else will." Greg Mckeown


10. "Of course we all have limits, but how can you possibly find your boundaries unless you explore as far and wide as you can?" A.E. Hotchner


11. "Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself." John Luther


12. "Nobody is bored when he is trying to make something that is beautiful or to discover something that is true." William Inge


13. "When you are everywhere, you are nowhere. When you are somewhere, you are everywhere." Rumi


14. "Life is pure adventure, and the sooner we realize that, the quicker we will be able to treat life as art." Maya Angelou


15. "A true friend is someone who thinks you are a good egg even though he knows you are slightly cracked." Bernard Meltzer


16. "This is the true joy in life - that being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one. That being a force of nature, instead of a feverish, selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining to the world will not devote itself to making you happy. I am of the opinion that my life belongs to the whole community and as long as I live it is my privilege to do for it whatever I can. I want to be thoroughly used up when I die. For the harder I work the more I live. I rejoice in life for it's own sake. Life is no brief candle to me. It's a sort of splendid torch which I've got to hold up for the moment and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations." George Bernard Shaw


17. "You cannot play with the animal in you without becoming wholly animal, play with falsehood without forfeiting your right to truth, play with cruelty without losing your sensitivity of mind. He who wants to keep his garden tidy doesn't reserve a plot for weeds." Dag Hammarskjold


18. "There is a gap or a space between stimulus and response, and the key to both our growth and happiness is how we use that space." Stephen R. Covey


19. "We must not cease from exploration. And the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we began and to know the place for the first time." T. S. Eliot


20. "If we are able to make the best sense of our lives - if we persist in trying to do so and truly commit ourselves to this task - perhaps we can even affect the course of history and change the flow of events. Who knows?" Malcolm Boyd

Hoping you are inspired and encouraged,
Nicole

Got Shame? Get Rid Of It!

The definition of shame (according to Merriam-Webster) is a painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by consciousness of wrong or foolish behavior.
Have you ever done something shameful?
Have you ever felt ashamed?
Shame makes us do some pretty whacky stuff!
Concealing things you're ashamed of can cause you to avoid authentic relationship.
What do I mean by that?
Maybe you're sick of lying about this shameful thing, so you avoid being around others so they can't ask a question that would prompt you to lie more.
Maybe you don't want to get too close to anyone because they might inquire about something that prompts a memory of what you did.
Maybe you are nervous someone will make a judgmental comment about the people who have done the same shameful thing as you and you feel defensive.

Friend, it's time to live in the freedom of truth!
Admit it, bring it to the light, not to bring shame but to bring change!
Sometimes you need to stop living in past tense.
Accept that what happened, happened.
Take responsibility.
Humble yourself. Set pride aside.
Share with whomever it affects directly and personally.
There is no need to share publicly unless you feel called to.
Apologize to whomever you may need to.
Admitting weakness gives the opportunity for more strength.

Let me give you a visual.
You are walking through the airport and you have 5 bags you're lugging by yourself.
Someone notices your struggle and offers you a cart to put the bags on.
What do you do? Do you accept the offer?
If you're not stubborn, the answer is yes!
You accept the gift with gratitude and feel the freedom from all that heavy weight.
It's the same with emotional baggage.
When you're carrying it all by yourself, you are too weak.
So friend, I'm telling you, UNLOAD!
Share your shame.
I'm not saying it will make that baggage disappear.
It's still with you, but instead of carrying it, you are pushing it around.
It no longer bogs you down, and you have a more control over it instead of it controlling you.
Sometimes revealing shame brings consequences.
If your shame is directly related to something you did to someone else, then there may be a long road of walking through that.
Here's my encouragement to you that the consequences are worth the freedom you'll ultimately feel...
After a wildfire comes new growth.
You might be saying, you have no idea how awful the thing is that I did that brings shame.
You have no idea the repercussions that would come; I could lose my job/spouse/friends/family/etc.
Well friends, wildfires CAN be extremely devastating.
But even the most catastrophic fire eventually burns out.
You'll get to a point where the flames die down.
You don't have to stay stuck in that yuck.
You can choose to start fresh.
Bringing your shame out of the shadows started the pruning process.
Now it's time to blossom new and better parts of you.


Unload your shame.
Quit holding that toxic yuck in!
It's time...

Prune + Blossom,
Nicole

Emotional Health + Conflict Resolution

If you don't have at least one person in your life who speaks the difficult truths, find someone!
I am incredibly thankful to have a counselor who isn't afraid to speak difficult wisdom(s) into me.
I have a lot of flaws and areas that need maturing, and having someone point these things out has allowed leaps and bounds of growth in my emotional health.

Eight months ago, when my counselor told me I was emotionally stunted, I had a tantrum/meltdown/emotionally flooded moment.
I thought, 'how dare she tell me, 28-year-old mother of two little girls, that I was lacking.
How am I supposed to raise two, emotionally strong, confident woman when I don't possess those qualities for them to mirror?'

My counselor was trying to point out that I lacked tools to properly navigate healthy conflict resolution.
My response to conflict was to blow up, get defensive, and allow my pride to rule.
In my mind, whoever yells louder, says meaner things, or shuts the other person up "wins" the conflict.
I know that most definitely is not a healthy method to resolution, but I didn't know how to quit the habit of reacting instead of responding.

Mindfulness comes to mind, and especially this article I read :
"Have you heard the expression "name it to tame it?" As far as the brain is concerned, once you name an emotion, you automatically reduce its intensity."
"Instead of judging our anger as right or wrong, good or bad, should or shouldn't, mindfulness helps us to simply accept the reality that this is what we are feeling. We don't have to like it, we just have to accept that it is what it is."
Kellie Edwards in this article shared on Motherly.

You might be asking, "so what ARE you doing to gain positive growth in your emotional health?"
I read any and all articles + books + images relating to positive emotional health, and try my hardest to put all the tools I'm learning to use.
My main source is The Gottman Institute.
I follow them on Facebook + Instagram.

I also keep it at the forefront of my mind that I am raising a 2.5-year-old and a 4-year-old that need to learn how to properly tend to their emotional health so this vicious cycle doesn't go on for generations to come. 

The initial struggle was in the logistics.

How do you teach something that you have little knowledge about?

The beauty has been in leading by example, but also learning + growing together.

The beauty has been when I fail to keep myself calm and my 4-year-old says, "do you want to start again, momma?" 

The beauty has been in practicing + maturing in new habits of grace, forgiveness, and self-control.

How do you deal with conflict resolution? 

Do you think you are emotionally stunted or emotionally strong?

Peace + Growth.

Love well,

Nicole

Pursuing Growth

Have you ever been to church camp?
If so, then you know that feeling of a spiritual high - that intense closeness to Jesus!
Camp ended, and you went home.
It was then that you realized friends and family back home didn't have the same enthusiasm as you.
Slowly [or maybe quickly] your feelings dissolved and life was back to "normal."

The same thing happens in other situations, too.

--You read a marriage article that fires you up! You are now determined to have the best marriage ever until your spouse comes home with a *cuss* attitude and makes a snarky comment.
--You listen to a sermon and feel the Holy Spirit moving tangibly through your body, giving you tingles and a lump in your throat. Afterward, you get in your car and someone cuts you off.
--You have a conversation with someone and feel all the wisdom and knowledge of everyone who has ever lived before you come flowing out of your mouth. Conversation over. You spend the next several days doing the exact opposite of taking your own advice.

What steps can you take to ensure that "mountain top moment" keep going as long as possible?

You have to consciously + intentionally CHOOSE to keep pursuing those "highs."

Most of the time you need an attitude alteration - a small shift to a more positive perspective.

You've heard Newton's first law of motion: 

"a body in motion stays in motion, and a body at rest stays at rest."

And so it is with your spirit.

You have to constantly be seeking positive growth in your spiritual life.

No one can do the work for you.

You must pursue Jesus on your own!

Read your Bible. Do devotionals. Listen to worship music. Attend church, and small group. 

Ask friends and/or family to join you in theological discussion. 

It is solely up to you to stay connected, to seek Jesus with your whole heart, to desire Him, and to live a thriving life keeping Jesus at the center.

I think it's also important to note that living on that mountain top ALL of the time is unrealistic.
In life, you will find valleys as well.
The thing to remember about those times is that growth can happen there, too!

"I will exalt you, Lord, for You rescued me. You refused to let my enemies triumph over me.

O Lord my God, I cried to You for help, and You restored my health.

You brought me up from the grave, O Lord. You kept me from falling into the pit of death."

Psalm 30:1-3

Peace + Growth. 

Love well,

Nicole

Marriage Advice

A couple weeks ago some new friends of ours got married!
I wrote them a letter and thought it may benefit other married couples, so I wanted to share it here...

When you entered into marriage, you chose to take the greatest road trip of your life!

In preparation for a road trip you typically take your car in for preventative maintenance, right?!
And so it is with marriage...make sure you are intentional with your maintenance!!

• Date your mate!
• at least 1 hour each week!
• Monthly meet!
• get together with another couple once a month
• accountability
• discuss uncomfortable/difficult topics or express the pure joys
• Jay + Katherine Wolf encouragement:
• Be prepared. Build your foundation on the Rock, because storms will come.
• Don't Wait To Celebrate!

"Marriage is spelled W-O-R-K." Levi Lusko

CONFLICT : 10% is due to difference of opinion & 90% is due to tone of voice & delivery.

*This next part is all principles from The Gottman Institute.*

Healthy Conflict Resolution : each of you seeing the other person's perspective and either agreeing to disagree or one of you shifting your perspective to match the others.

• Use A Gentle Start-Up
• I feel...about...I need...
• Example : I feel overwhelmed about always being the one to do the dishes, take out the trash & clean the toilet. I need us to come up with a schedule to delegate household chores more equally. 
• Describe Your Own Feelings and Needs
• complain without blame
• saying things like "I feel disrespected when you are doing/aren't doing,,," invites defensiveness to show up in a flash. 
• Take Responsibility
• Apologize.
• Fill Your Own Tank First
• I'm sure you've heard on an airplane "put your own oxygen mask on first and then help others." 
• In marriage you aren't going to be able to help your spouse if your own needs are't met.
• Meaning : schedule weekly guy/girl nights and/or alone time.

"Most marriages start in the wrong place - even Christian marriages - because they start with happiness as the goal. God did not create that as the goal; that was supposed to be a benefit." 

-Dr. Tony Evans

"To keep your marriage brimming,

With love in the loving cup,

Whenever you're wrong, admit it;

Whenever you're right, shut up."

-Ogden Nash

"If Satan gets an inch, he'll try to take a mile."

-Cindy Beall

The devil is here to steal, kill, and destroy.

Fighting FOR your marriage puts a big target on your backs.

The best solution is keeping Jesus at the center.

Take your gripes about your spouse to Jesus 1st and then to your spouse 2nd.

Pray often. Pray together.

God gifted you a wonderful helpmate.

Your spouse will never be perfect. Your spouse will never fill all your needs and desires - only God is capable of fulfilling all our voids.

Treat your spouse with delicate and tender care.

Do the 5 love languages test and affirm your love for your spouse in the language they receive best.

Imagine yourself a farmer.

You can't change the crop that will bloom, but you can tend to the soil surrounding your seed (spouse). 

Give your seed water (prayer), sunlight (positive affirmations), and the best soil (solid Christ-centered foundation). 

ENJOY EACH OTHER!

Praying God's blessings, wisdom, and love overflowing!

Rebuild & Bloom

Hello friend!

At the beginning of 2017 God gave me two words over the year : Rebuild & Bloom.

Rebuild has meant starting at the foundation!
I now begin my day by reading the Bible, praying & turning on worship music. 
This "small" change has had BIG impacts on how the rest of my day now goes.

The more I grow in Christ, the more I realize :
I am solely a vessel for God to use to further His Kingdom!

My devotional this morning was all about how God comforts us through our afflictions (something that causes pain or suffering) so that we can be a comfort to others when they go through something similar.

Are you in the midst of a trial? 
I want to pray for you, offer words of encouragement, or just help you seek Jesus' most awesome comfort!

"The Lord your God is with you,

He is mighty to save.

He will take great delight in you,

He will quiet you with His love, 

He will rejoice over you with singing." 

Zephaniah 3:17

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. 

Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, 

for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." 

Joshua 1:9

"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit.

Rather, in humility, value others above yourselves."

Philippians 2:3

In a rut with your daily devotions?

Read a Proverb a day!! Take notes! 

"Their [the Proverbs] purpose is to teach people wisdom and discipline, 

to help them understand the insights of the wise.

Their purpose is to teach people to live disciplined

and successful lives, to help them do 

what is right, just, and fair."

Proverbs 1:2-3

"Guard your heart above all else,

for it determines the course of your life."

Proverbs 4:23

"The seeds of good deeds become a tree of life;

a wise person wins friends."

Proverbs 11:30

Married? Have kids? Are you a living, breathing human?

Here are a couple of my favorite verses...

"Kind words are like honey...

sweet to the soul

and healthy for the body.:

Proverbs 16:24

"For you have been called to live in freedom,

my brothers and sisters.

But don't use your freedom to satisfy your sinful nature.

Instead, use your freedom

to serve one another in love."

Galatians 5:13

"Too much talk leads to sin.

Be sensible and keep your mouth shut."

Proverbs 10:19

My best encouragement is for you to really take an evaluation of your life.

Where is your number one priority?

Is it relationship with Jesus? Yes? Then keep on keeping on!

Is it anything other than Jesus? Yes? Then SEEK Jesus first, above everything else!

Vaya con Dios (Go with God),

Nicole

Encouraging Others

Hello all!

It seems to be the trend that "2016 was a horrible year."
I hope you can look back and at least see a few positives.
Let's work toward looking back at 2017 and calling it at least a "good" year.

I often think, there is no way I could get through 

'this' 

if it weren't for my relationship with Jesus.

Some of my friends went through big trials last year, I sent encouraging words to them and wanted to compile the list.

If you ever find yourself in a tough spot I hope you remember this blog post & read a couple of these bible verses &/or quotes and feel a little peace.
Or if a friend is going through something you can point them this way, or copy some of these encouraging words to share with them.


Psalm 147:3 He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

Psalm 34:18 The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.

Psalm 46: 5 God is within her, she will not fail.

Exodus 14:14 The Lord will fight for you, you have only to be silent.

Philippians 4:6-7 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Matthew 29:6 Jesus looked at them and said, "with man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible."

Ephesians 4:31 Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.

John 3:30 He must increase, but I must decrease.

Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.

Galatians 6:9 Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

Psalm 4:8 In peace, I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, Lord, make me dwell in safety.

Proverbs 31:30 Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord shall be praised.

"For a seed to achieve its greatest expression, it must come completely undone. The shell cracks, it's insides come out, and everything changes. To someone who doesn't understand growth, it would look like complete destruction." Cynthia Occelli

Psalm 73:26 My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

1 Chronicles 16:11 Seek the Lord and His strength; seek His face continually.

Philippians 4:13 I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.

"Storms make trees take deeper roots." Dolly Parton

Psalm 37:8 Refrain from anger, and forsake wrath! Fret not yourself; it tends only to evil.

Keep your head up, keep your heart strong.

Isaiah 42:16 I will lead the blind along an unfamiliar way; I will guide them down paths they have never traveled. I will turn the darkness in front of them into light, and level out the rough ground. This is what I will do for them. I will not abandon them.

Peace, love & joy,

Nicole