How To Battle Depression Like A Ninja

Do you ever feel your depression coming on?
Something triggers you and you're like, aw crud, here comes an episode.
That's not always the case.
Sometimes there is absolutely nothing that triggers me, it just happens.
Those times are more difficult to fight through because there are so many questions.
What set it off this time? Why did this come about? Why, why, why?
Once I realize I'm depressed sometimes it's almost easier to not fight it.
I give in, let it consume and deplete me.
When I feel it's gone on too long, I've had enough, or if I hadn't noticed for a while and finally realize I've been dealing with it for the past however long, I start looking for ways out.
There is no roadmap. No magic formula. Not one way that always works.
Every instance has proven difficult.
There are times I just want to rip my heart and brain out and swap them with ones that don't know this black hole, this solitude, this bitter taste in my mouth.
If you can relate, I want to hug this into you : You are not alone. You are not forgotten. You are loved!

*A little disclaimer : I do not take any medication for my depression.
It's a personal choice. You do whatever you need to in order to fight your depression,
if that includes medication - take it!*

Okay, okay...you opened this because you want to acquire ninja skills to combat your depression.

5 Ninja Skills To Conquer Depression

1. Spiritual Refinement 
Acquire a deep and accurate knowledge of yourself.
Know your strengths and weaknesses.
Figure out your triggers!
Triggers may or may not hurricane you into depression, so they're not always a warning sign, but once you know some root causes it's easier to find solutions to defeat it.
Ninja's engagement in combat is done from love and reverence [deep respect for something].
You must fight your depression out of your love and reverence for yourself and for others.

2. Swords + Blades 
Some battles will be over fairly quick, others will be attack after attack, and some may last so long you forget what your "happy" self feels like.
Mastering the tools in your toolbox/weapons in your arsenal are key to victory.
One tool should definitely be your breath.
In order to be a ninja you must find your slow inhale + exhale.
Take inventory of what weapons have worked in the past and try those techniques first.

3. Geography + Meteorology
You need to know the terrain and use your skills to navigate through.
You need to train to forecast and use subtle signals to predict upcoming conditions.
If you are journeying through a new/different depression than you've ever had before it is easy to be fearful.
Fearful of the unknown.
Not knowing where this road will take you, or what storm is coming can be paralyzing.
Take hope in this : you can conquer any landscape, any weather with a spirit of power, love, and self-discipline.

4. Disguise + Impersonation
Mimicking someone who isn't plagued with depression could very well be the only way you get out of your pit of darkness.
Mirror what you admire.
Reflect what you desire.
You are like the five people you hang out with most.
There are three types of toxic relationships: negative, controlling, and the tempters.
The tempters may be those described as "misery loves company."
I'm not saying ignore any and all people who battle depression because you do and they may be toxic.
I'm saying speak your truth to those people. Let them know what you're going through and if they're in the thick of their own episode you both may need to seek out other supportive relationships for the time being.
Make sure you are surrounding yourself with people who genuinely hope for your positive mental health.

5. Strategy + Escape
Ninja's always have multiple exit plans.
You need to figure out your ultimate goal and come up with numerous options that get you there.
Like I said in the beginning, there is no one way that will always work to get you out.
Set yourself up for success.
Research new strategies, new tools you can acquire.
Find people who are willing to trudge through battle with you.
Name it to tame it.
Sometimes even just saying, "I am depressed. I am feeling [fill in the blank : sad, scared, angry, hopeless, empty, aches + pains, etc.]." is enough to catapult you into wanting to find a solution.

Peace, hope + love be with you,
Nicole

The five ninja skills I mentioned were taken from this list of the 18 skills of the Togakure Ryu Ninja.

Sharing Your Story

Dear readers,

It's been said many times, many ways: it takes a village [to raise a child].
When is a child fully raised?
My answer : never. As long as we're living, we are never done learning and growing.


Lately I've been a bit more open on my social media about some of my struggles and the ways I'm trying to improve my character.
I've talked about depression, anxiety, mental health, fear, frustration, anger, flaws, etc.
I've had a few comments and messages saying, "thank you for being authentic."
Some people probably look at those comments and think, "if they only knew 'dut da dah' about Nicole, she's not sharing ALL of her truths, therefore; not being authentic."
On a recent blog post, I wrote :
"Sharing every nitty gritty detail of your life with everyone isn't what makes you authentic. 

Authentic = genuine = sincere = truthful = free from deceit.

If someone wants to ask a question I will do my best to respond with truth."
I withhold some bits for various reasons, but mainly, it boils down to my journey in loving others well.

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 

It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 

It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails."

1 Corinthians 13:4-8a NIV

Just because it's part of my story, and I'm open about most parts, doesn't mean everything is appropriate to share with everyone.
Sharing my story should not include sharing parts of other’s story if it sheds a bad light on them, and that is where my struggle lies.
Or, maybe, eventually everything will get shared, but that's something I'm relying on God to reveal in His time, for His glory.

“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”
‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭4:29‬ ‭NIV‬‬

“A gossip betrays a confidence; so avoid anyone who talks too much.”
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭20:19‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Many have gone before me, many are struggling right along side me, and many will walk through similar situations in the future.
If a bit of my story helps someone else feel less alone then that's an accomplishment toward part of what I feel we're here for each other for : community.

Have you found your village to share your joys and trials with?

Do you feel sharing bits of your story helps you or others more?

Thank you for taking some of your precious moments to 

read some of what's been on my heart + mind.

Peace be with you.

Love well,

Nicole

Emotional Health + Conflict Resolution

If you don't have at least one person in your life who speaks the difficult truths, find someone!
I am incredibly thankful to have a counselor who isn't afraid to speak difficult wisdom(s) into me.
I have a lot of flaws and areas that need maturing, and having someone point these things out has allowed leaps and bounds of growth in my emotional health.

Eight months ago, when my counselor told me I was emotionally stunted, I had a tantrum/meltdown/emotionally flooded moment.
I thought, 'how dare she tell me, 28-year-old mother of two little girls, that I was lacking.
How am I supposed to raise two, emotionally strong, confident woman when I don't possess those qualities for them to mirror?'

My counselor was trying to point out that I lacked tools to properly navigate healthy conflict resolution.
My response to conflict was to blow up, get defensive, and allow my pride to rule.
In my mind, whoever yells louder, says meaner things, or shuts the other person up "wins" the conflict.
I know that most definitely is not a healthy method to resolution, but I didn't know how to quit the habit of reacting instead of responding.

Mindfulness comes to mind, and especially this article I read :
"Have you heard the expression "name it to tame it?" As far as the brain is concerned, once you name an emotion, you automatically reduce its intensity."
"Instead of judging our anger as right or wrong, good or bad, should or shouldn't, mindfulness helps us to simply accept the reality that this is what we are feeling. We don't have to like it, we just have to accept that it is what it is."
Kellie Edwards in this article shared on Motherly.

You might be asking, "so what ARE you doing to gain positive growth in your emotional health?"
I read any and all articles + books + images relating to positive emotional health, and try my hardest to put all the tools I'm learning to use.
My main source is The Gottman Institute.
I follow them on Facebook + Instagram.

I also keep it at the forefront of my mind that I am raising a 2.5-year-old and a 4-year-old that need to learn how to properly tend to their emotional health so this vicious cycle doesn't go on for generations to come. 

The initial struggle was in the logistics.

How do you teach something that you have little knowledge about?

The beauty has been in leading by example, but also learning + growing together.

The beauty has been when I fail to keep myself calm and my 4-year-old says, "do you want to start again, momma?" 

The beauty has been in practicing + maturing in new habits of grace, forgiveness, and self-control.

How do you deal with conflict resolution? 

Do you think you are emotionally stunted or emotionally strong?

Peace + Growth.

Love well,

Nicole