Hospitality & Hosting

Have you ever walked into someone's home and felt so incredibly welcome? 
Or worse, have you walked in and immediately wanted to turn around?

Years ago my husband and I were invited to a housewarming party...cute couple, cute home, cute decor. Walked into the bathroom and literally had to put toilet paper on the seat and STILL squatted over that, because the seat was that nasty! It was as if that toilet seat hadn't been changed since the 70's. Gives me the heebies thinking about it now!

So let's start with the BATHROOM in regards to hosting. 

• Store extra toilet paper in a reachable/convenient spot. 
• Set out a bathroom spray or have a candle already lit. 
• Make sure your toilet is clean! Clean to the point your guests feel like they're the first person to ever use it. If you can't get it that clean, spend $30 on a new one.

Which brings me to CLEANING!

My biggest cleaning tips are:

• Start high and move low.
• Use products that work.
• Have a set routine that you can easily manage so it's more doable to do a quick clean before you host.
  [For example : you may need to break up your home by rooms and clean bathrooms on Monday's, kitchen on Wednesday's, everything else on Friday's...or whatever works best for your schedule.]
• Ask for help (from the other dweller(s) of the home) when you need it. 
• Pay someone to come do a deep clean and/or surface clean if that's not your thing.

I have found this to be the best combo
for cleaning showers and tubs.

There is nothing I love more than walking into a home that feels lived in, yet clean. If a home is too flawless I feel unwelcome. You know the one, with the perfectly staged couch where the throw pillows are so elegantly placed it would be a pity to move it even an 1/8 inch, so you don't feel like you can sit down. The books on shelves are for aesthetics, not to peruse, so you don't even take a gander. The countertops don't have a single appliance on them - do they use the kitchen?! Or when everything is white, so you feel dirty just standing in the home.

The overall feel you want your guests to experience is WELCOME!
You are welcome here! 

You are welcome to eat and drop crumbs.
You are welcome to open the fridge and grab yourself another drink.
You are welcome to sit on the couch. 

You are welcome here!

What specifically makes you feel welcome when you're the visitor?

Now emulate that in your own home! [And share with me in the comments!]

Guests just want to feel COMFORTABLE!

Something I've noticed is people love blankets!
From summer nights around a bonfire, to chatting on the couch, if a blanket is near they will use it!
For this reason, we have a basket with four blankets, and then two throws on the couch.

My husband is huge on the smell of the home, so over the years I've purchased many a candle.
We were gifted a diffuser with essential oils, which I should pull that out again, because 'the people' love the smell good stuff!

My only peeve about candles and diffusers is when they're near the food. Which, I'm guilty of placing them there. It makes sense to have the good smell by the smell you're trying to mask; however, it can taint the taste of the food. 

Speaking of FOOD, you gotta' serve something, anything!

Our first get-togethers we provided cold jarred queso with tortilla chips in the bag. 

We've since upgraded to heating the queso up, pouring it into a bowl (or last time into a fondue pot over a flame to keep it warm), and the chips also go into a bowl. 

We've really classed it up in the last 12 years. 

But seriously, food is incredibly important to hosting. 

If you can't afford to provide a whole meal for all your guests ask them to chip in and order pizza. 

We've also made homemade pizza crust and guests brought their own toppings.

We've done 'bring your own meat' bbq's where we provide the sides and condiments. 

Other inexpensive options include taco rice, pasta, charcuterie, dessert only, chili, brats + hot dogs.

Lastly, I would recommend having background MUSIC.
There are bound to be lull's in the conversation, laughter dissipates, and there is something extremely uncomfortable about deafening silence when there are more than two people in a room.
We have a Sonos speaker attached to our tv, and a portable plug-in one that we put outside if the need arises. 
Zach has a Spotify account, and I use Pandora. 

My most used stations: 

• Charlie Cunningham Radio 
• 70s Greatest Hits Radio [Mostly used while cleaning.]
• Jack Garratt Radio
• Yoste Radio
• Classical for Studying Radio [No lyrics!]
• I used to do Indie Chill Radio but haven't for quite a while so don't know what's even on it now.
• Elevation Worship Radio [I used this when hosting a woman's Bible study, and that one time (a couple weeks ago) a girlfriend came over and I had a nightmare paired with a panic attack the night before and had been blasting worship music since I woke up.]

Zach is definitely more in tune (see what I did there?! ;)) with the music. He can gauge a room and play something everyone enjoys! 

From cleaning, to comfort/feeling welcome, to food, to music, I think we've covered it all!

Whether it's inside or out, lots of people or just a couple, a full-on themed dinner or cold queso in a jar, I hope you are encouraged to host a gathering in your home! 

Have fun with it and let me know how it goes!

Peace, Joy, and Love be upon you,

Nicole

Bonus: GAMES!

I know they're definitely not for everyone, but I am literally screaming inside, so excited to be sharing our love of games!

Small Gathering [2-6 people]

• Clue
• Cribbage
• Farkle
• Mexican Train Dominoes
• Scattergories
• Sequence
• Smart A**
• Ticket To Ride
• Yahtzee

Larger Gathering [6 or more people]

• Apples to Apples
• Cards Against Humanity [Disclaimer: I have played with the "wrong" group and it was awful, so this one is a little iffy.]
• Catchphrase
• Charades
• Cranium
• Trivia
• I Should Have Known That
• Things They Don't Teach You In School
• 90's Trivia

Did I miss any of your favorites? Be sure to leave them in the comments if I did!

Adventures In Parenting Continued

Oh hello there!

Our home has been completely transformed.
The dining room is now an airplane and a car, allowing Penny and Lilly to go on their work trip.

They work on their "computers" (open books) looking for homes for people to buy - that's how they explained it to me.

Their room is their house.
Our master bedroom is the hotel.
The master bathroom has a pocket door so they use that as the elevator, which is exactly what my friend Melody and I used to pretend in her parents master bathroom. 

The other day Zach said, "just let them be kids."
It really struck me.
I am so controlling when it comes to keeping an aesthetically pleasing home at all times.
I strongly dislike toys in the living room.
I can't stand when blankets are strewn about.
But then as soon as other kids come over I don't mind that it's a free-for-all. 

I need to lighten up and let Penny and Lilly just be kids more often. 
It's so fun to see their imaginations soar. 
It's hilarious to hear their banter because a lot of it is things they've picked up from Zach and myself.

Penny loves to direct the majority of play, "How about I woke up and you told me you lost the keys." 
Lilly is cautious to create her own thoughts of where play should go.
Mainly she says exactly what Penny tells her to.
Sometimes, very rarely, she'll get extremely mad and say things like, "You never let me make anything up!"
So it's a moment of pride today when she responds, "Are they in the garbage can? Are they in the suitcase? Are they in Dorothy's car seat?" instead of saying, "I lost the car keys."

They found the car keys.
Dorothy gets put in the back seat in her car seat.
And they're off.

P "How about I rolled up all the car windows and she's like, "uhhhgghh." 
L "Uhhhgghh."
P "And then she says, "I don't want to be in this carseat." 
L "I don't want to be in this carseat."
P "Then she wants to unbuckle."

L no response

P "Then I had to chat with the police because they saw there wasn't a driver. I had to explain it's a car that drives itself." 

That's good stuff right there!

I follow @runwild.mychild on Instagram and they posted a photo with the caption, "Kids don't remember their best days of television."
It is too true. 
As a former child, I don't look back and remember days I sat in front of the tv.
I remember the moments of doing things.
I vividly remember playing frisbee in the street, tennis down at the courts, swimming at City Beach, hiking Big Mountain, camping at the Reservoir, having "yard sales" with my siblings and them never wanting my stuff because it was too juvenile for them, softball in our yard, picking huckleberries, going on drives to Glacier and the Bison Range, reading books in the library where my mom worked, and all the other times I wasn't sitting in front of a tv. 

So, what do you say?! Ready to make memories with your little loves that don't involve a tv?!

Cheers to being a memory maker, 
 Nicole 

Share with me your favorite childhood memory [could be yours and/or one you share with your kid(s)] either on Instagram @welcometothedowlers or in the comments here. 

Adventures in Parenting

Hello! I’m so glad you’re here! 

My hope is these "Adventures in Parenting" posts can be a space for parents to relate, feel encouraged, and sometimes laugh out loud from the ridiculousness that can be parenting.

You’re going to get such a fun glimpse into the lives of two amazing sisters Penny and Lilly.

I have the absolute pleasure of being their mom.

Aside from 9 months in Salt Lake City, Utah Penny and Lilly have lived in the Flathead Valley in Montana their whole lives. This area has a fleeting spring; beautiful summer that is usually interrupted when smoke from wildfires moves in; a long, cloudy fall; and a harsh, snowy winter when temperatures drop and mostly stay under 30 degrees F.

Penny and Lilly are 18 months and 1 day apart. Penny is 7 and very much looking forward to turning 8 in August. Lilly turned 6 in February. We get asked if they’re twins almost every time we are out in public. Which is really funny to me because aside from them being the same height they don’t share many physical characteristics. 

A little bit of our history:

• When Penny was 8 months old I quit my job (as an apartment complex manager) to stay home with her. I started a blog called "Adventures in Staying Home" where I shared all my new mommy thoughts, and sometimes tips and tricks I was learning. One month into staying home I got pregnant with Lilly. Two under two was time-consuming so the blog didn't get much (or any) attention.
• Our family loves hiking, rafting, traveling, and hanging out with friends and family.
• This past school year I homeschooled Penny (2^nd grade) and Lilly (Kindergarten).
• We did the whole living in a travel trailer thang for quite a few months back in 2017/2018.

I want to share a quote from a best friend's mom, Patricia Faustini, who passed away a couple years ago. "Being a remarkable fantastic mother changes peoples lives and to this you are called. Love Patti" Patti wrote this sweet encouragement to me many years ago when I was struggling with being mother. 

Sometimes parenting is overwhelming. Mom guilt is real and can consume me with doubt, fear, and general exhaustion that I'm not good enough. When Patti shared those words it was a sweet reminder that I'm enough. I am remarkable and fantastic even when [fill in the blank]. I am remarkable and fantastic even if [fill in the blank]. 

Sometimes parenting is hilarious. At 5 years old one of the girls said, "I guess my foot didn't get any sleep last night cause it's asleep." Another time she said, "Mom, you should be an octopus. Then you could cook dinner, look at your phone, do the dishes, look in the fridge." One time we were at a restaurant eating outside and a bird flew on a table and started eating the leftover food. Lilly said, "He's such a good helper cleaning that table." I laughed and said, "you are hilarious!" She immediately responded, "I was born to be hilarious!"

Sometimes parenting is just right. Routines are flowing, everyone's getting along, and all is good.

Wherever you're at today, my hope is that you know you are enough. You have everything it takes to be the best parent you can be. 

Love well, 

Nicole 

Creating Quality Family Connections

No one sets out with a plan to neglect building family relationships. Our lives just seem to fill up with all sorts of to-do's and distractions. Sometimes, it even happens to the most intentional of us. 

It is so important to form deep bonds that help us feel safe and secure, but also we need to feel wanted. We need to feel like we're awesome to be around! Sometimes we need to remember to get out of our comfortable routines, mix it up a little, and have some good old-fashion fun together! 

So, what do you say, can you make some time to participate in a connection builder?

FAMILY NIGHT

This is a time for everyone who lives in the home to come together, either around the table or on the couch, and enjoy some quality time together. You can gather weekly or monthly. Play board games or watch a movie. Eat pizza, popcorn, candy, or allow everyone to pick their favorite snack. This should be such a special treat of a night that everyone looks forward to it! The key here is tradition, consistency, and keeping it purely fun!

OUR MOTTO
Is there a phrase or question or affirmation you want to incorporate into your family? Here are a few examples to use, or they might help you create your own. 

"In our family we build each other up. There are plenty of people who will try to tear us down."

"How were you kind today?"
"In our family we not only see the good, but we also do good."
"Whatever we do, we do it to the best of our ability."

When our girls were 2 and 4 we started saying, "kind words, happy heart, gentle hands" to remind us that our words and actions affect others. It’s something we still say to this day. 

PASS THE FAVOR TRINKET

Choose a little item. It can be a key, a rock, a figurine. Start by giving it to the oldest person. They can now ask any other family member to do a favor for them. If the family member does the favor, they get possession of the trinket and can ask a favor of anyone. The intent is learning how great it feels to help others. 

HUG

Hugs have healing power! Hugging lowers blood pressure, heart rate, anxiety, and the stress hormone cortisol. When we hug for more than 8 seconds our body releases oxytocin, which is a hormone that increases bonding and a sense of belonging. Hug it out and physically feel that connection building!

DO UNTO OTHERS

The point is to build self-esteem by saying or doing things that portray to another member of the family "you're special and appreciated."

Everyone chooses someone that for one week they will focus on. It doesn't have to be daily, but during that week you can leave a note on their pillow, buy them their favorite snack or 'that thing' they mentioned they wanted, fold/put away their laundry, draw or paint something for them. Get thoughtful. How can you uniquely show that person they are loved?

READERS ARE LEADERS

There are so many amazing books to read together as a family! 

Simply choose one reader, or take turns reading paragraphs, or chapters.
If you want to get creative and bring the book to life :

Make food mentioned in it. 
Dress up as your favorite character.

Art projects galore.

Buy a toy of a character. 

Act it out.

VISION BOARD

You'll need: 

poster board

markers
magazines/newspapers
scissors

Fill the poster board with words that describe your family, places you love to visit or hope to visit, food you enjoy, things that make you happy, etc. 

ONE-ON-ONE DATES

At least monthly every member of the family should have one-on-one time with each other. 

DINNER HELPER

They get to pick the meal. Set the table. Help make the food they chose. Whomever didn't make the meal cleans up!

YEARLY INVENTORY

Verbalize everything you are thankful for from the past year. 
This can be things you've seen, learned, done, begun, finished, decided, experienced.
And then share what you are looking forward to in the coming year.
 

The people you love are the most important relationships throughout your entire life.

My best advice to you is to try your absolute hardest to pursue connection over and over again with all those you love. 

Love well,

Nicole

Biggest Takeaways From the Book Rich Dad, Poor Dad by Robert Kiyosaki

Today, the most dangerous advice you can give a child is, 'Go to school, get good grades and look for a safe secure job.' That is old advice, and it's bad advice. 

The 'educated dad' advises to work for a corporation. The 'rich dad' advises to OWN the corporation.

Rich dad attitude in thought :

Study hard so you can find a good company to buy.

Learn to manage risk.

Total financial self-reliance.

Instead of struggling to save, create investments.

Learn how to write strong business and financial plans so you can create jobs.

Broke is temporary, and poor is eternal - it's all about your mindset.

People shape their life through their thoughts.

I don't work for money, money works for me!

Money is one form of power. But what is more powerful is financial education.

 

The main cause of poverty or financial struggle is fear and ignorance. 

The assets are large enough to grow by themselves. It's like planting a tree. You water it for years and then one day it doesn't need you anymore. It's roots have gone down deep enough. Then, the tree provides shade for your enjoyment.

If you want to be rich, you need to be financially literate.

Assets : stocks, bonds, notes, real estate, intellectual property

Income off assets : dividends, interest, rental income, royalties

Financial struggle is often directly the result of people working all their life for someone else.

Financial IQ is made up of knowledge from four broad areas of expertise : 

1. accounting

2. investing

3. understanding markets

4. the law

a. tax advantages

b. protection from lawsuits

We all have tremendous potential, and we all are blessed with gifts. Yet, one thing that holds all of us back is some degree of self-doubt. It is not so much the lack of technical information that holds us back, but more of the lack of self-confidence.

Inside each one of us is a brave, brilliant, and daring character!

There is always risk, so learn to manage risk instead of avoid it.

'Rich dad' suggested, "you want to know a little about a lot." 

Giving money is the secret to most great wealthy families. Teaching is another way of giving.

To make progress, you must first go unbalanced. Just look at how you make progress walking. If you have any desire of being rich, you must focus. Put a lot of your eggs in a few baskets. Do not do what the poor and middle class people do: put their few eggs in many baskets. 

You must overcome these 5 obstacles :

1. fear

2. cynicism

3. laziness

4. bad habits

5. arrogance

Choose your friends carefully as there is power in association. 

You become what you study.

Friendship

"Well they sure became fast friends." Our neighbor gesturing to his two kiddos and our two girls where only a chain link fence separates them.
Anytime we go to the park and a kid shows kindness to Penny (including her in tag, letting her go down the slide first, saying "hi my name is...") she instantly tells me she made a new friend and hopes they're there the next time we come to the park.
We have multiple books on the subject of friends/friendship.
A lot of little kid tv shows focus around being a good friend.
So when and why do the fast friendships of childhood end?
What is the turning point where we start putting a criteria on people that we're going to allow into our inner circle?
Why do we form cliques and start excluding humans who are just as desperate for love and friendly affection as we are?

We all have our stories or theories of when and why friendships became more complicated.
"Positive adult friendships were never modeled well for me."
"I tried for years but I've been backstabbed/gossiped about/betrayed/left out/etc so I choose to distance myself."
"I'm scared they won't like the real me, so why bother."
"I'm always the one to pour into them, no one pours into me. It's time to focus on me."
It boils down to two factors : laziness and fear.
Relationships take work and take stepping out of our comfort zones.
So how can I be a great friend?
Awesome question! I'm so glad you asked!

Here is a quick tip to get you started, people are primarily interested in themselves.

Our actions are dominated by self-thought and self-interest.
So ask questions like :
"How is your family?"
"Did you enjoy your vacation?"
"Any fun plans for the weekend/upcoming holiday/season/etc?"
Other ways to show interest in conversation:
Applaud and compliment them.
Use their name as often as possible.
Use "you" and "your."
Admit when you're wrong.
Look at the person who is talking.
Lean toward them.
Don't interrupt.
Remember that a great friend is : loyal, understanding, trustworthy, sharing.
Someone who is genuinely happy for others when things go well and tries to cheer them up when things don't go well.
Start with these basics.
Use these tips week to engage with anyone you've been hoping to start a new friendship with.

Grow well, friends!
Nicole

"Friendship cannot be built on small talk alone. Yes, there is a time and a place for it, but it isn't the heart of true connection - genuine conversation is." 

Horchow

"Do not save your loving speeches

For your friends till they are dead;

Do not write them on their tombstones,

Speak them rather now instead."

Anna Cummins

"Wishing to be friends is quick work, but friendship is a slow-ripening fruit." 

Aristotle

“We need others physically, emotionally, intellectually; we need them if we are to know anything, even ourselves.” 

C.S. Lewis

“Friendship arises out of mere companionship when two or more companions discover that they have in common some insight or interest or even taste which the others do not share and which, till that moment, each believed to be his own unique treasure (or burden).” 

C.S. Lewis

"Blessed are they who have the gift of making friends, for it is one  of God's best gifts. It involves many things, but above all, the power of getting out of one's self and appreciating whatever is noble and loving in another." Thomas Hughes

"It's a fact of life, women need other women. Whether it's sharing dessert or lending a listening ear, a good girlfriend is indispensable. Chaos and stress seem much more bearable when shared with a friend. There are some things understood only by women." Unknown

“Share your story here...”

"Share your story here..." doesn't know what it's asking of me.
"Share your story here..." could be a quick blip about friendship or it could mean me pouring out my deepest thoughts.
When my friend Sara asked, "would you like to share your story?" I couldn't help but scream inside, "what I just shared with you is not my whole story!" Instead I said, "yes, I would love to share."
Each of us has a story, and a story within a story, and stories within those stories. The sum of all of these makes up our whole life.

The more I talk with people and I listen to their story, I have begun to realize that our story is never just our own. It’s intertwined with others. The moments of victory for one are the moments of defeat for another. Moments of freedom by telling a truth that’s been lied about for years for one is the moment of complete and utter destruction of their world as they knew it for another. A moment of shame for one is a moment of shame for another. And this is where I want to focus. Some of the things we go through are similar to what others go through and there is so much power in sharing so that others feel less alone in their own story.
I once read, "Think of the most attractive person you know. Even that person, at one point, has had raging diarrhea."
Let that serve as a reminder that you are never alone in anything you face!
Someone out there relates to you.
You won't have the same exact experience, but they can at least relate.
When you're trying to say "I relate to you" or "I get the struggle is real" just tell that person, I get it. I don't know your whole situation or what led you to the place you're in now, but I freaking get it. I've been through or am currently dealing with anxiety, depression, parenting 1 or more children, dark circles under your eyes that no filter can erase, the ups and downs of marriage, puberty, stretch marks, turning bright red, desperately wanting everyone to like you all the time and beating yourself up for knowing that is impossible, stunted emotional growth, tension between people, shame, financial crisis, drinking too much, sleeping too much, gossiping and wanting to stop, lack of motivation to work out, never wanting to mow the lawn again, asking myself how the *cussword* did my groceries just cost that much?!? And so on and so forth.
If you related to even one of those things, then you proved my point. And if you didn't relate to one of those things you are a liar...which I've also done once or twice in my life...so there..
You've been through puberty and if you haven't you definitely should never read one of my posts, ever.
You might be asking what the heck have I even just read?! And I’m going to take this opportunity to sum it all up.
SHARE YOUR STORY!!
You have bits and pieces that others need to hear so they don't feel so alone in their struggle.
I think misery loves company because gosh, it's so difficult to think you're the only one who's gone through x, y, and/or z, OR that no one has ever had a positive experience making it out of x, y, and/or z.
Knowing you're not alone can help you feel empowered to embrace it all even more!

SHARE YOUR STORY!!

Lovingly + with great urge,
Nicole