24 Tidbits To Ensure You're Living Your Best Life!

Read this slowly.
Let each point sink in.
Reread them.
Reread them tomorrow, next month, 10 - 20 - 30 years from now.
These are not all the answers to life, but they'll help jumpstart you to a pretty wonderful one if you take them to heart and put them to practice.

24 Tidbits To Know + Remember To Ensure
You're Living Your Best Life!

1. You are a force to be reckoned with.
2. You have dreams and the power to pursue them.
3. Remain curious.
4. Go on adventures, no matter how big or small.
5. Be a great friend.
6. Create. Play. Draw. Paint.
7. Read something every day.
8. Get outside as much as possible. Breathe in the fresh air.
   Explore the outdoors. Skip. Jump. Run. Climb.
9. Ooze positivity. You + those around you will benefit greatly.
10. Accept others for who they are.
11. Keep it simple.
12. Your most attractive attributes and qualities come from the inside.
    Think it. Repeat it. Believe it.
13. Be confident in who you are.
14. Maintain your health : body, mind + spirit.
15. You are capable of love, joy, peace, patience, goodness, kindness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.
16. Love well. Love your family, friends, acquaintances, strangers + yourself.
17. Laugh often.
18. Enjoy your life. Enjoy the good, bad, ugly + beautiful.
19. Sometimes all it takes is remembering to "just breathe."
20. Admit when you're wrong and always apologize when you need to.
21. Never lose who you are by trying to impress someone else.
22. Make family a priority.
23. You are enough. You are valuable.
24. Quit comparing.

You were created because this world needed a YOU!
We need your stories, passions, experiences, failures, and love.
This world was meant to exist with you and everything you have to offer.
So just be YOU!

Live well,
Nicole

*Disclaimer : this post is adapted from my original one posted on my previous blog on 10/24/16*

Is Happily Ever After A Myth?

It was my momma's 40th birthday.
My dad organized a fishing charter around Flathead Lake in northwest Montana.
It was a lovely day of catching and releasing, family memories being made, sunburns, and then after we finished lunch we cruised to shore for the grand finale!
Once we hit land, my momma was surprised with friends singing "Happy Birthday."
The cake looked beautiful.
Chocolate frosting, simple but intricate decorations, and a single "40" candle waiting to be blown out.
After much applause my momma grabbed the knife and started to cut her cake.
But something odd was happening...she couldn't slice into it.
Giggles and robust laughter erupted.
"FOOLED YOU!" Yelled out one friend. "It's a sponge!"
Not at all what any of us (except the friend that made it) were expecting.
Looking on the outside there was no way to tell the the inside was a massive sponge you would use to scrub your vehicle.
In the same way the cake was deceiving, I have found that marriage is not at all what I expected it to be.Growing up you're told that you get married, and then it's happily ever after. The end.
I am truly sorry if I'm the one to crush your fairytale dreams.
The movies show the fluff, the romantic, all the good - no great! - aspects of what marriage can be.
Your parents worked their bums off to fight out of ear-shot.
Watching friends' parents, or your aunts + uncles furthered your illusion.
Typically marriage is portrayed as a picture perfect cake.
I'm not saying that once you get past your honeymoon phase it's fake.
I'm saying it's more work than anyone ever tells you it's going to be.
You're cutting into something that you imagined to be smooth-sailing, easy breezy, and it's just..it's just not.
Laundry seems to be on the floor more often than being placed in the basket.
Toothpaste is splattered on the mirror within hours of it being cleaned.
Your spouse is more stubborn, or hot-headed, or horrible with money than you could have ever anticipated.
To put it bluntly : what you once found endearing is now annoying.
Skreeeeeech.
Let's halt there.
This begs the question :
Is love a feeling or a choice?
It is a continual conscious commitment.
Feelings vanish and fade.
You have to choose to identify what is broken and work to fix it.

Saying "I do" means saying "I will..."

1. I will think more of you and less of myself.
What is the last positive thought you had toward your spouse?
What is the last positive thing you did for your spouse?
Your spouse is a living breathing human with feelings, needs, and wants.
Humbly put yourself in their shoes and act accordingly.
No matter who your spouse is, every single person benefits from physical touch and words of affirmation (even if the love language test says otherwise).
So place your hand on their arm, shoulder, or leg - look into their eyes - and say at the very basic "I love being your spouse. Thank you for being my friend. I appreciate you." Keep it simple, direct, and most of all sincere.

2. I will respect my spouse.
This might mean you make an agreement to not name-call during fights.
Listen intently when your spouse is talking.
Don't listen to respond. Just listen.
Nurturing fondness and admiration // (a principle from The Gottman Institute)
Write out :
1. One characteristic you find lovable
2. A good time you shared.
3. One physical attribute you like
4. Something they've done recently to make you proud.
5. A struggle/difficult time you conquered together.

3. I will think of us as a team.
If you have ever played a sport, or been apart of a project at work, then you know that attitude has a big impact on outcome.
Your attitude toward your spouse will determine how well you work together to overcome conflict.
Your positivity could be the hurdle that needs jumped in order to change the whole atmosphere of your marriage.
As part of a team you value what each person brings to the table instead of trying to change them.
And fyi, you can't change someone else anyway. Ever. You only have the power to change you.

4. I will protect our marriage.
Flash your ring at the overly flirtatious cashier.
Never text or private message someone of the opposite sex without your spouse or another person included. Or at the very least make sure your spouse is 'in the know.'
Don't ever, even for a second, think you can let your guard down.
Voice expectations. Don't beat around the bush. Don't think they can read your mind.
Be honest about your needs.
For years my husband would say, "calm down."
Goodness that would make my temper flair even more.
Finally, I decided to be vulnerable, "instead of saying calm down, can you say "calm down porcupine?""
He laughed. ""That's the exact same thing!"
My rebuttal? "Uh no, adding porcupine will remind me to lighten up. It comes across more fun-loving instead of judgmental."
Working together towards solutions instead of complaining behind their back provides a thick layer of protection.

5. I will put in the work.
Imagine yourself a farmer.
You can't change the crop that will bloom, but you can tend to the soil surrounding your seed (spouse).
Give your seed water (their love language), sunlight (respect), and the best soil (foundation of trust).
Start small.
Start with daily intentionality.

So is happily ever after a myth?
Probably the version you always envisioned is, indeed, a myth.
But if you're realistic, happily ever after is possible.
You just need to keep saying "I will..."
Every. Single. Day.

Love well,
Nicole

Feeling Maxed Out? I Have A Challenge For You!

• A senior in high school, getting mainly A's (with that one C - always in science), also holds a part time job. She has a boyfriend, attends Young Life once a week, and fills her "extra" time with friends.
• Fresh out of high school, an apartment to pay for, working a full-time job, still dating that same guy, and fills her "extra" time with friends.
• Young twenties, newly married, working full-time at a high stress job, actively attending church (often two times a week), fills her "extra" time with friends and family.
• Mid-twenties, still married, stay-at-home momma to two under two, attends and/or organizes play dates, makes a small income from side projects, attends church + small group, and fills her "extra" time with friends and family.
• Today, in her late twenties, her life looks a lot like the last description.

What do all of these phases of her life have in common?
A gal who has always felt too busy, with little room to spend on self care/love.
Do you relate?
Maybe you are thinking, you want to hear busy? Here's what fills my day up...
And that is totally fine.
My point isn't to compare our "busyness."
My point is to acknowledge that you feel maxed out.
My point is, life is demanding.
Multiple things require your attention and you're pulled in a thousand different directions with no let-up in the foreseeable future.
So, what are you doing about it?
Are you in the mindset of : it is what it is.
Or : I'm ready to take the reigns and feel more in-control.
If you are feeling the latter, this post is definitely for you!


If you're feeling overwhelmed it may be because you're taking on too many responsibilities or it may be because you aren't prioritizing well.
A mentally strong person understands that in order to take care of others they must first take care of themselves.
You might be saying, taking care of myself is adding more to my already full lifestyle, so this isn't going to work for me.
STOP. Pause. Read the next sentence over and over if you have to.
YOU ARE WORTHY!
You are worthy of a life of enjoyment, compassion, meaning, purpose, connection, appreciation, and improvement!
The goal in taking care of yourself is developing a more balanced life.

In the same way that Rome wasn't built in a day, you won't become a master of balancing your life overnight.
But taking small steps and having accountability could be just what you need!
What am I suggesting to get you started?
Partake in a challenge I created for you!
What does this "challenge" entail?
Five daily tasks to encourage a simple positive change that inspire self care/love, that over time will become habit instead of choice. Once these habits form you will most likely find yourself feeling more at peace with all aspects of your life.

Complete these 5 tasks every day for 5 days in a row!

1. Make your bed.
2. Drink 1 glass of water before consuming anything else.
3. List 3 things you're grateful for.
4. Express thankfulness to one important person in your life.
5. Look in the mirror and say one thing you like about yourself.

I should put a disclaimer : *I don't claim to have the cure-all to every specific situation.*

If you need me to be your accountability person shoot me a message here, or head to my instagram and message me there! In your message include how best to reach you in order for me to check in with you [email - phone number - Facebook or Instagram messenger - etc.].

Love (yourself included) well,
Nicole

How To Battle Depression Like A Ninja

Do you ever feel your depression coming on?
Something triggers you and you're like, aw crud, here comes an episode.
That's not always the case.
Sometimes there is absolutely nothing that triggers me, it just happens.
Those times are more difficult to fight through because there are so many questions.
What set it off this time? Why did this come about? Why, why, why?
Once I realize I'm depressed sometimes it's almost easier to not fight it.
I give in, let it consume and deplete me.
When I feel it's gone on too long, I've had enough, or if I hadn't noticed for a while and finally realize I've been dealing with it for the past however long, I start looking for ways out.
There is no roadmap. No magic formula. Not one way that always works.
Every instance has proven difficult.
There are times I just want to rip my heart and brain out and swap them with ones that don't know this black hole, this solitude, this bitter taste in my mouth.
If you can relate, I want to hug this into you : You are not alone. You are not forgotten. You are loved!

*A little disclaimer : I do not take any medication for my depression.
It's a personal choice. You do whatever you need to in order to fight your depression,
if that includes medication - take it!*

Okay, okay...you opened this because you want to acquire ninja skills to combat your depression.

5 Ninja Skills To Conquer Depression

1. Spiritual Refinement 
Acquire a deep and accurate knowledge of yourself.
Know your strengths and weaknesses.
Figure out your triggers!
Triggers may or may not hurricane you into depression, so they're not always a warning sign, but once you know some root causes it's easier to find solutions to defeat it.
Ninja's engagement in combat is done from love and reverence [deep respect for something].
You must fight your depression out of your love and reverence for yourself and for others.

2. Swords + Blades 
Some battles will be over fairly quick, others will be attack after attack, and some may last so long you forget what your "happy" self feels like.
Mastering the tools in your toolbox/weapons in your arsenal are key to victory.
One tool should definitely be your breath.
In order to be a ninja you must find your slow inhale + exhale.
Take inventory of what weapons have worked in the past and try those techniques first.

3. Geography + Meteorology
You need to know the terrain and use your skills to navigate through.
You need to train to forecast and use subtle signals to predict upcoming conditions.
If you are journeying through a new/different depression than you've ever had before it is easy to be fearful.
Fearful of the unknown.
Not knowing where this road will take you, or what storm is coming can be paralyzing.
Take hope in this : you can conquer any landscape, any weather with a spirit of power, love, and self-discipline.

4. Disguise + Impersonation
Mimicking someone who isn't plagued with depression could very well be the only way you get out of your pit of darkness.
Mirror what you admire.
Reflect what you desire.
You are like the five people you hang out with most.
There are three types of toxic relationships: negative, controlling, and the tempters.
The tempters may be those described as "misery loves company."
I'm not saying ignore any and all people who battle depression because you do and they may be toxic.
I'm saying speak your truth to those people. Let them know what you're going through and if they're in the thick of their own episode you both may need to seek out other supportive relationships for the time being.
Make sure you are surrounding yourself with people who genuinely hope for your positive mental health.

5. Strategy + Escape
Ninja's always have multiple exit plans.
You need to figure out your ultimate goal and come up with numerous options that get you there.
Like I said in the beginning, there is no one way that will always work to get you out.
Set yourself up for success.
Research new strategies, new tools you can acquire.
Find people who are willing to trudge through battle with you.
Name it to tame it.
Sometimes even just saying, "I am depressed. I am feeling [fill in the blank : sad, scared, angry, hopeless, empty, aches + pains, etc.]." is enough to catapult you into wanting to find a solution.

Peace, hope + love be with you,
Nicole

The five ninja skills I mentioned were taken from this list of the 18 skills of the Togakure Ryu Ninja.

5 Things You Probably Forgot About Yourself

Do you ever compare?
Do you ever negatively compare yourself, your spouse/kids/friends/family, your home, your finances, or any other nitty gritty detail of your life to others?

Can I ask why?
Why do you compare?

I want to be gentle, but sometimes brutal honesty is necessary.
I'm going raw truth...
Comparison is a sign of insecurity.
We negatively compare when we feel what we have isn't enough.
We become judgmental of who we're comparing ourselves to, and we become judgmental of ourselves.

I always see that quote for fitness stuff.
But it pertains to every area of your life.
You are your own competition because it's YOUR life you're living.
You were not created to live anyone else's life.
You were created to live YOUR life.
You are a person.
The person you're comparing yourself to is a person.

Enough with comparing yourself to the superficial, facades, and blatant lies seen on social media.
We all have struggles.
We all have mountain top moments.
We all have insecurities, areas we want to better, things we wish we had.
You can continue to compare or you can realize that...

No matter who you are :
You Are...

1. Unique.
   You are a peculiar masterpiece.
   There is no exact replica of you.
   Mirror what you admire, sure.
   You may have similarities, but there is no one exactly like you.
   You are the only you.
2. In Control.You are free to be who you are.
   I can't talk about comparison without bringing up this quote :
   "Comparison is the thief of joy." Theodore Roosevelt
   Why am I putting that under 'you are in control?'
   "You can be as happy as you want to be!" Penelope Joy(When she was 3 years old my little love stated this!)
   And that's exactly it, it is YOUR choice to compare or be happy with what you have and who you are.
3. Beautiful."Beauty begins the moment you decide to be yourself." Coco Chanel
   There is beauty in your laugh.
   Your intelligence is attractive.
   Your compassion is alluring.
   You have captivating characteristics.
4. Valuable.
   Do you know why rare things cost more?
   Because they're exactly that, rare.
   You are a treasure.
   Your presence is a benefit to anyone you come in contact with.
   Give others the most precious gift of all - your genuine, authentic self.
5. An Inspiration.You are capable of great impact.
   "Sociologists tell us that even the most introverted individual will influence 10,000 people in his/her lifetime." Tim Elmore
   Influence is power.
   You have power.
   It's up to you whether you are a negative or positive inspiration.

You were created because this world needed a YOU!
We need your stories, passions, experiences, failures + love.
This world is meant to exist with you + everything you have to offer.
So just be YOU!

Love (yourself included) well,
Nicole

Got Shame? Get Rid Of It!

The definition of shame (according to Merriam-Webster) is a painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by consciousness of wrong or foolish behavior.
Have you ever done something shameful?
Have you ever felt ashamed?
Shame makes us do some pretty whacky stuff!
Concealing things you're ashamed of can cause you to avoid authentic relationship.
What do I mean by that?
Maybe you're sick of lying about this shameful thing, so you avoid being around others so they can't ask a question that would prompt you to lie more.
Maybe you don't want to get too close to anyone because they might inquire about something that prompts a memory of what you did.
Maybe you are nervous someone will make a judgmental comment about the people who have done the same shameful thing as you and you feel defensive.

Friend, it's time to live in the freedom of truth!
Admit it, bring it to the light, not to bring shame but to bring change!
Sometimes you need to stop living in past tense.
Accept that what happened, happened.
Take responsibility.
Humble yourself. Set pride aside.
Share with whomever it affects directly and personally.
There is no need to share publicly unless you feel called to.
Apologize to whomever you may need to.
Admitting weakness gives the opportunity for more strength.

Let me give you a visual.
You are walking through the airport and you have 5 bags you're lugging by yourself.
Someone notices your struggle and offers you a cart to put the bags on.
What do you do? Do you accept the offer?
If you're not stubborn, the answer is yes!
You accept the gift with gratitude and feel the freedom from all that heavy weight.
It's the same with emotional baggage.
When you're carrying it all by yourself, you are too weak.
So friend, I'm telling you, UNLOAD!
Share your shame.
I'm not saying it will make that baggage disappear.
It's still with you, but instead of carrying it, you are pushing it around.
It no longer bogs you down, and you have a more control over it instead of it controlling you.
Sometimes revealing shame brings consequences.
If your shame is directly related to something you did to someone else, then there may be a long road of walking through that.
Here's my encouragement to you that the consequences are worth the freedom you'll ultimately feel...
After a wildfire comes new growth.
You might be saying, you have no idea how awful the thing is that I did that brings shame.
You have no idea the repercussions that would come; I could lose my job/spouse/friends/family/etc.
Well friends, wildfires CAN be extremely devastating.
But even the most catastrophic fire eventually burns out.
You'll get to a point where the flames die down.
You don't have to stay stuck in that yuck.
You can choose to start fresh.
Bringing your shame out of the shadows started the pruning process.
Now it's time to blossom new and better parts of you.


Unload your shame.
Quit holding that toxic yuck in!
It's time...

Prune + Blossom,
Nicole

5 Simple Ways To Improve Your Parenting

Hello fellow parents!

I will never claim to have all the answers or know what works best for you and your specific circumstance.
But what I hope to do is encourage you!
Encourage you to be a little goofier today than you were yesterday.
Encourage you to be a little more grace-giving each day.
Encourage you to be a little more mindful of the hearts + minds you've been given the gift of raising.

Five Things To Remember In Order To Improve Your Parenting

1. The Big Picture
You are never done parenting.
You are tasked with raising up the next generation.
You are leaving a legacy.
Let's pause there. What a heavy obligation we have.
Let's lighten the load. LAUGH. Right now. Out loud.
I don't care if you're in an awkward spot, what are you doing reading a blog during work hours anyway? ;)
Now laugh at how goofy that forced laugh was!
Personally, I feel we all take ourselves a little too seriously.
We mess up once and think we've scarred our kids forever.
We get these big ideas that when we fail, we've failed indefinitely.
[I can't mention failings without saying, I am not encouraging abuse (physical, sexual, mental, or verbal) or neglect.
Those aren't failings we can just brush off.
If you have failed in the aforementioned ways, get professional help!
There is no shame in seeking the help you need.]
What I am talking about is muttering a curse word under your breath at the fact your 2.5 year old managed to spill that *cussing* bowl of soggy cereal and milk again.
Failings of that nature. Ya know?
The things they'll tell their future spouse about that 'WE WILL NEVER DO AS PARENTS.'
The things they'll call you sobbing about when they have kids of their own.

2. Be A Problem Solver
This world needs problem solvers.
There are so many problems both big and small and they all need solutions.
I've never read Love and Logic, but I have read a quote of theirs and BOOYAH, problem solvers unite! "When children cause problems, parents hand these problems back in loving ways. Love allows children to grow through their mistakes. Logic allows them to learn from the consequences of their choices."
Give them two solutions, here's an example : little love, you need to pick up your room. You can either pick up your room right now and have dessert after dinner. Or you can eat dinner and then pick up your room while the rest of the family is eating dessert without you.
Or is that bribing? Maybe try bribing first, and if that doesn't work, then give them two solutions to choose from.
Kidding. Only a little bit.
But seriously, if you give them two solutions to their problem when it comes to solving (dare I say BIGGER - because to littles all their problems are already BIG) problems later in life you're going to have someone who understands there is always more than one solution, and there are real consequences to choosing negatively.

3. Emotional Intelligence
Talk about feelings. Start with happy, sad, mad.
Express your feelings as often as you can.
Use this phrase as a jumping off point that I learned from The Gottman Institute :
I feel...about...I need.
Examples : I feel happy when the house is clean. I need you to pick up toys you're not playing with.
I feel sad about not being listened to. I need you to repeat what I say so I know you hear what I'm saying.
I feel mad about my vase being broken. I need to take a few deep breaths before we continue our conversation.
Use it on your spouse too!
That gentle start up, expressing your own feelings, and not pointing blame works on even the toughest defensive person [me, I'm talking about me]!
Use it on your coworkers! Use it on friends!
We need more people who are willing to talk about feelings!!

4. Take Responsibility 
A sincere apology seems to be like a unicorn in this day and age.
A mystical, magical thing that isn't real.
We need more people who admit to their wrongdoings.
We all mess up. It's inevitable.
What we don't all do is apologize. But we should.
Here's an outline to use in your own apologies.
I won't give specific answers, because it needs to be genuine, from YOUR heart.
I am sorry for _______. That was wrong because _____. In the future I will _____. Will you forgive me?

5. You Are THE Example
Be the father/mother you hope they are one day.
You are possibly (most likely) parenting a future parent.
What do you want them to remember?
What do you want them to mimic?
I think most of us have the goal of raising well-rounded, decent human beings who make society a bit more bearable.
In order to raise those people, we need to work on ourselves and the parents we are.
Deciding to become a better mom/dad, doesn't mean it's going to happen overnight.
Start small.
If you yell [like myself] when you've 'had it up to here' then maybe your solution is to start with catching yourself and apologizing immediately. Catching yourself and saying, "can I start over?" Catching yourself as you're about to open your mouth and taking in a deep breath or WHISPERING!
Yes, I put whispering in all caps because whisper yelling is most of the time just as effective as loud, ear-piercing, make you both want to cry yelling.
You're welcome for the tips.
You're welcome for the encouragement.
What can I say except you're welcome?
**Any parents catch that line from Moana?
Fist pump if you did!
Seriously, quit taking yourself so seriously!**

Give yourself more grace!

Love well,
Nicole