5 Ways To Change Your Bad Attitude

Have you ever caught yourself making comparisons, had expectations go unmet, found yourself in circumstances out of your control that are less than ideal, doubted yourself or others, or experienced anxiety?
Those are a few examples of why a bad attitude might creep in.
What are the affects of a bad attitude?
Maybe you have a short fuse and are snappy.
Maybe you feel drained or lack motivation.
Maybe you hop on the negative train and go to a deep, dark pit - where you keep a glass half empty perspective and want to make everyone around you as miserable as you are.
However it's manifesting, you've got a bad attitude and it's most likely not just affecting yourself.
Step one is realizing this.
Step two is figuring out a solution.

Five Ways To Change Your Bad Attitude :

1.  Switch Up Your Breathing
Studies have shown that your breathing patterns spark a memory so your brain goes into autopilot, which can be a good or bad thing.
According to this research article, when you physically get hurt your perceived severity of the pain is reduced with slow and steady breaths.
What I'm getting at is this : when you find yourself with a bad attitude switch up whatever breaths you're currently taking.
Try deep and steady, quick and shallow, or slow inhale and crazy sounds (no words) exhale.
Daniel Tiger says, "When you feel so mad that you want to roar, take a deep breath and count to four."
That is some wise advice from a children's cartoon.
Try it.
JUST BREATHE!

2. Dance Party
I'm convinced that half (probably more like most of) the time we're so darn upset is because we're control freaks who aren't in control.
I'm also convinced we all need to let our control freak have a nice long vacation while we channel our inner wild-child!
Flail your body around, groove to beat, or drop it to the floooooorrr.
One thing dancing always provides is a smile - unless you're a stone cold bleeeep.
But you're not one of those, are you? You wouldn't have clicked on an article giving you ways to change your bad attitude if you were one of those. ;)
Once you have a smile on your face, move on to more positive thoughts.
Positive thoughts lead to more positivity.
Try it.
JUST DANCE!

3. Set A Reminder
For a few months, when anger consistently appeared throughout the day I would take it out on my two young daughters by snapping at them. Finally, I set a timer on my phone to go off every day at 9am and 3pm :: "ENJOY THE GIRLS TODAY!!"
Any time I found myself in 'a moment' and that timer would go off I would shake my head and acknowledge my ridiculousness.
It can feel pretty defeating when you have to set a reminder to 'enjoy your kids' but if that's the only thing that will help you, do it!
You can just put "enjoy today" or "say 1 positive thing" or "cut the 'tude" or whatever other little reminder will help you acknowledge your sour behavior and then help you change your attitude.
Try it.
SET A TIMER!

4. Hug Someone
Make sure it lasts more than 6 seconds.
It's pretty difficult to have a bad attitude when you're hugging someone (especially if that bad attitude is toward that someone and you force yourself to 'hug it out' with them).
Maybe admitting, "I need a hug right now to cheer me up" would help your child/spouse/coworker/friend/etc. say the same when they're upset.
In the article "10 Reasons Why We Need At Least 8 Hugs A Day" they say that hugs boost oxycontin levels - which heal feelings of loneliness, isolation, and anger AND boost serotonin levels - which elevate your mood, creating happiness.
Try it.
GIVE A HUG!

5. Say What You're Feeling, Out Loud
Name it to tame it!
In the article "Name It To Tame It"  they share that Dr. Daniel Siegel coined this phrase and it basically means exactly what it says.
When you're feeling an intense emotion you can say, "I am feeling angry" and by acknowledging it you are sending signals to your brain that will then allow you to calmly choose how you will respond next.
Find a friend to be a real deal accountability partner.
Someone you are willing to share the whole truth with!
Vent to them. Allow them to vent to you.
Try it!
ADMIT : I HAVE A BAD ATTITUDE!

Well, I hope you found at least one new technique to try to squash those bad 'tude blues!
Try them out and let me know how it goes!

Hoping you find more joy,
Nicole

*Adapted from my old blog post written November 3rd, 2015*

28 Things I Learned In My 28th Year

Taking time to reflect around your birthday gives opportunity to look back and be thankful for all the life you've lived, and then to look forward with hope for an even better future.
My hope in sharing these tidbits is that you let them sink down deep and are encouraged to live your best life, from this moment forward.

28 Things I Learned In My 28th Year

1. It IS best to give out what you want in return (like the golden rule : treat others as you want to be treated).
2. Allow yourself to feel every emotion as you are feeling it.
3. Time does not heal all wounds, the work you put in during that time is what heals your wounds. 
4. Asking for forgiveness does not mean they must forgive.
5. Forgive freely.
6. You are responsible for you + only you.
7. Accept criticism as a tool to increase your knowledge.
8. Learn well.
9. Learn often.
10. Love well.
11. Love often.
12. Take excellent care of yourself : physically, spiritually + emotionally.
13. Shame is a dirty trickster.
14. Humility is the opposite of pride.
15. A thankful heart is a happy heart.
16. Self-control is vital to growth.
17. The storms of life are inevitable : persevere!
18. No one is exempt from hardship.
19. Take notes from giant sequoias and gather community to interlock roots with so that when storms do come, you have deep support to help you make it through.
20. Depression + anxiety are no joke.
21. Give up on escaping.
22. When approaching conflict, always use a gentle start up without pointing fingers. Remember when you point there are always 3 fingers pointing back at you.
23. Celebrate with those who are celebrating and weep with those who are weeping.
24. If you have a "fixer" personality, remember that not everyone wants to be viewed as a problem who needs fixing.
25. You have the power to make + do + be great things.
26. Always have something to look forward to.
27. Sharing IS caring.
28. It's easier to give advice than to take your own and live it out, darn it!

Wishing you health, wealth + happiness,
Nicole

Five Ways To Fight FOR Your Marriage

What is your biggest fear in marriage?
Can I take a wild guess? Divorce?
It is a very relevant fear when the statistics say half [yes, 50%] of all marriages in the United States end in divorce.
This begs the question, what are we doing wrong?
Pause.
Take a moment to look at this article by Dr. John Gottman, who is extremely accurate at predicting divorce.
Are you willing to admit that you use a harsh startup, criticism or stonewalling, negative body language, and/or do not regularly apologize?
They say the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem.

Let's all admit where we are weak and commit to becoming strong!

According to Dr. John Gottman, "emotionally intelligent couples are intimately familiar with each other's world. I call this having a richly detailed love map."

Are you ready to set your marriage up for success?

5 Ways To Fight For Your Marriage

1. Date Your Mate!
When is the last time you consistently dated your spouse?
Excuses are easily made.
You can blame each other for not scheduling it OR you can take charge and mark five dates on the calendar, RIGHT NOW!
When you have kids it's easy to turn your focus on raising them and neglect giving your spouse the attention they need.
What most of us forget is how important it is for our children to see their parents living out a healthy, loving, nurtured relationship.
The example we set for our children is likely what they're going to seek once they are ready to marry.
So, if not for yourself, do it for the children!
Let's be real, the budget is probably the number one excuse as to why you don't date.
Especially when you have kids.
It goes something like this...you've saved up enough to go out to a nice dinner but you have to save double that amount in order to pay for a babysitter. It is taking forever to happen because things come up and that $10 you keep trying to put aside for the babysitter is now going to (fill in the blank - because life continues to happen over and over again).
No more excuses! 
Child watch swap! Pay a babysitter and do something free (like eating Costco samples)! Set up a movie on the laptop in a bedroom for the kiddos and hang out in the living room - or you and your spouse take your bums outside! Plan something for after the kids go to bed!
*When our girls were little we would put them to bed, bring the baby monitor outside, and sit by a bonfire...THOSE are some of my favorite date night memories!*
So, who's going to commit to dating their spouse this week?!

2. Take Care Of Yourself!
What are you doing to take care of yourself?
Imagine yourself an empty pitcher. In order to pour into others, you must first fill yourself up.
How are you filling yourself up?
There's lots of information out there regarding self-care.
If you're having a difficult time finding motivation, visit my blog post here.
Hopefully it will give you that little boost to finally focus on you!
Most of the time, when you take care of yourself, you become a happier you.
Happier you = happier people around you.
Happier people around you = your spouse!
In the beginning your spouse enjoyed spending time with you because they found you interesting.
They saw qualities that inspired them, your ambitions were contagious, and your smile was infectious.
If you've lost yourself in any way, it's time to find you again!
So, who's going to commit to a little self-care this week?

3. Laugh Together!
When is the last time you laughed it off?
Your spouse does things that get under your skin.
For most, it's a daily occurrence.
Currently, I have braces and it seems to fling a ton of toothpaste on the mirror.
Cleaning that up is not always top priority, so there are days where it sits.
My husband could choose to nag me, but he doesn't.
My husband could choose to laugh it off, but he hasn't.
But I can guarantee if he laughed at it every time he saw it, we would have a quirky inside joke that brought a little more joy into our lives. Because every time I heard a chuckle come from the bathroom I would think, 'oh poo, I forgot to clean that toothpaste up again. Thank goodness my husband has a sense of humor and can laugh with me.' And then I will be more likely to clean that up as soon as he's out of there.
Do you have a situation that could use some laughter to lighten the mood?
If you need motivation that laughter truly is the best medicine, read these 120 Inspirational Quotes About Laughter.
So, who's going to commit to laughing more with their spouse this week?

4. Channel Your Inner Wild-Child!
Have you had a dance party recently?
Dancing like a child brings an instant fun-factor.
They hop, skip, and jump through streets.
Kids make silly faces, are playful, and tell obnoxious jokes.
Children are naturally optimistic.
Have you ever been to a five year olds birthday party?
It is a special kind of magic.
They open their gifts and it is an absolute joy to witness!
"It's what I've always wanted!"
"It's exactly what I asked for!"
"Did you see this? It's so beautiful/awesome!"
They show off their gift like it's their proudest possession - because in that moment, it is!
What if you treated your spouse like a child treats their new favorite toy?
What if you flaunted your spouse around in public by holding their hand and acting so proud that they are yours to hold on to?
Because you know what?! You are lucky!
You are so incredibly lucky to have your significant other!
You have a gift that deserves lots of care and attention.
You are capable of fun, pizzazz, and letting loose!
So, who's going to channel their inner wild-child with their spouse this week?

5. Adventure Together!
When is the last time you did something new with your spouse?
Maybe you have an interest in cross-country skiing or rock climbing, but you don't have the gear to go out and do it.
Search Craigslist or Facebook Sell Sites. Ask family or friends if it's something you can borrow, or that they would give you, or maybe they'd all chip in for.
Do you enjoy going on backcountry road drives?
The thought of a whining child, or a complaining spouse are enough to make anyone want to turn around. But I encourage you to push through!
Is there a place you've always wanted to visit?
Figure out the amount you need to save to make it happen, and then start pinching pennies!
Go on a bike ride.
Walk around your neighborhood.
Give each other $10 and head to the thrift store. Either come up with the craziest outfit or the best gift for each other or the best bang for your bucks!
Adventure is right outside your front door. The options are endless.
Pursuing common interests creates bonds and memories.
So, who's going on an adventure with their spouse this week?

We need to start fighting FOR our marriages!

We need to make them WORTH fighting for!

Love each other well,
Nicole

*Inspiration was pulled from my original blog post published on June 3rd, 2014.*
*And also from this original blog post published on April 27th, 2016.*

24 Tidbits To Ensure You're Living Your Best Life!

Read this slowly.
Let each point sink in.
Reread them.
Reread them tomorrow, next month, 10 - 20 - 30 years from now.
These are not all the answers to life, but they'll help jumpstart you to a pretty wonderful one if you take them to heart and put them to practice.

24 Tidbits To Know + Remember To Ensure
You're Living Your Best Life!

1. You are a force to be reckoned with.
2. You have dreams and the power to pursue them.
3. Remain curious.
4. Go on adventures, no matter how big or small.
5. Be a great friend.
6. Create. Play. Draw. Paint.
7. Read something every day.
8. Get outside as much as possible. Breathe in the fresh air.
   Explore the outdoors. Skip. Jump. Run. Climb.
9. Ooze positivity. You + those around you will benefit greatly.
10. Accept others for who they are.
11. Keep it simple.
12. Your most attractive attributes and qualities come from the inside.
    Think it. Repeat it. Believe it.
13. Be confident in who you are.
14. Maintain your health : body, mind + spirit.
15. You are capable of love, joy, peace, patience, goodness, kindness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.
16. Love well. Love your family, friends, acquaintances, strangers + yourself.
17. Laugh often.
18. Enjoy your life. Enjoy the good, bad, ugly + beautiful.
19. Sometimes all it takes is remembering to "just breathe."
20. Admit when you're wrong and always apologize when you need to.
21. Never lose who you are by trying to impress someone else.
22. Make family a priority.
23. You are enough. You are valuable.
24. Quit comparing.

You were created because this world needed a YOU!
We need your stories, passions, experiences, failures, and love.
This world was meant to exist with you and everything you have to offer.
So just be YOU!

Live well,
Nicole

*Disclaimer : this post is adapted from my original one posted on my previous blog on 10/24/16*

Is Happily Ever After A Myth?

It was my momma's 40th birthday.
My dad organized a fishing charter around Flathead Lake in northwest Montana.
It was a lovely day of catching and releasing, family memories being made, sunburns, and then after we finished lunch we cruised to shore for the grand finale!
Once we hit land, my momma was surprised with friends singing "Happy Birthday."
The cake looked beautiful.
Chocolate frosting, simple but intricate decorations, and a single "40" candle waiting to be blown out.
After much applause my momma grabbed the knife and started to cut her cake.
But something odd was happening...she couldn't slice into it.
Giggles and robust laughter erupted.
"FOOLED YOU!" Yelled out one friend. "It's a sponge!"
Not at all what any of us (except the friend that made it) were expecting.
Looking on the outside there was no way to tell the the inside was a massive sponge you would use to scrub your vehicle.
In the same way the cake was deceiving, I have found that marriage is not at all what I expected it to be.Growing up you're told that you get married, and then it's happily ever after. The end.
I am truly sorry if I'm the one to crush your fairytale dreams.
The movies show the fluff, the romantic, all the good - no great! - aspects of what marriage can be.
Your parents worked their bums off to fight out of ear-shot.
Watching friends' parents, or your aunts + uncles furthered your illusion.
Typically marriage is portrayed as a picture perfect cake.
I'm not saying that once you get past your honeymoon phase it's fake.
I'm saying it's more work than anyone ever tells you it's going to be.
You're cutting into something that you imagined to be smooth-sailing, easy breezy, and it's just..it's just not.
Laundry seems to be on the floor more often than being placed in the basket.
Toothpaste is splattered on the mirror within hours of it being cleaned.
Your spouse is more stubborn, or hot-headed, or horrible with money than you could have ever anticipated.
To put it bluntly : what you once found endearing is now annoying.
Skreeeeeech.
Let's halt there.
This begs the question :
Is love a feeling or a choice?
It is a continual conscious commitment.
Feelings vanish and fade.
You have to choose to identify what is broken and work to fix it.

Saying "I do" means saying "I will..."

1. I will think more of you and less of myself.
What is the last positive thought you had toward your spouse?
What is the last positive thing you did for your spouse?
Your spouse is a living breathing human with feelings, needs, and wants.
Humbly put yourself in their shoes and act accordingly.
No matter who your spouse is, every single person benefits from physical touch and words of affirmation (even if the love language test says otherwise).
So place your hand on their arm, shoulder, or leg - look into their eyes - and say at the very basic "I love being your spouse. Thank you for being my friend. I appreciate you." Keep it simple, direct, and most of all sincere.

2. I will respect my spouse.
This might mean you make an agreement to not name-call during fights.
Listen intently when your spouse is talking.
Don't listen to respond. Just listen.
Nurturing fondness and admiration // (a principle from The Gottman Institute)
Write out :
1. One characteristic you find lovable
2. A good time you shared.
3. One physical attribute you like
4. Something they've done recently to make you proud.
5. A struggle/difficult time you conquered together.

3. I will think of us as a team.
If you have ever played a sport, or been apart of a project at work, then you know that attitude has a big impact on outcome.
Your attitude toward your spouse will determine how well you work together to overcome conflict.
Your positivity could be the hurdle that needs jumped in order to change the whole atmosphere of your marriage.
As part of a team you value what each person brings to the table instead of trying to change them.
And fyi, you can't change someone else anyway. Ever. You only have the power to change you.

4. I will protect our marriage.
Flash your ring at the overly flirtatious cashier.
Never text or private message someone of the opposite sex without your spouse or another person included. Or at the very least make sure your spouse is 'in the know.'
Don't ever, even for a second, think you can let your guard down.
Voice expectations. Don't beat around the bush. Don't think they can read your mind.
Be honest about your needs.
For years my husband would say, "calm down."
Goodness that would make my temper flair even more.
Finally, I decided to be vulnerable, "instead of saying calm down, can you say "calm down porcupine?""
He laughed. ""That's the exact same thing!"
My rebuttal? "Uh no, adding porcupine will remind me to lighten up. It comes across more fun-loving instead of judgmental."
Working together towards solutions instead of complaining behind their back provides a thick layer of protection.

5. I will put in the work.
Imagine yourself a farmer.
You can't change the crop that will bloom, but you can tend to the soil surrounding your seed (spouse).
Give your seed water (their love language), sunlight (respect), and the best soil (foundation of trust).
Start small.
Start with daily intentionality.

So is happily ever after a myth?
Probably the version you always envisioned is, indeed, a myth.
But if you're realistic, happily ever after is possible.
You just need to keep saying "I will..."
Every. Single. Day.

Love well,
Nicole

Feeling Maxed Out? I Have A Challenge For You!

• A senior in high school, getting mainly A's (with that one C - always in science), also holds a part time job. She has a boyfriend, attends Young Life once a week, and fills her "extra" time with friends.
• Fresh out of high school, an apartment to pay for, working a full-time job, still dating that same guy, and fills her "extra" time with friends.
• Young twenties, newly married, working full-time at a high stress job, actively attending church (often two times a week), fills her "extra" time with friends and family.
• Mid-twenties, still married, stay-at-home momma to two under two, attends and/or organizes play dates, makes a small income from side projects, attends church + small group, and fills her "extra" time with friends and family.
• Today, in her late twenties, her life looks a lot like the last description.

What do all of these phases of her life have in common?
A gal who has always felt too busy, with little room to spend on self care/love.
Do you relate?
Maybe you are thinking, you want to hear busy? Here's what fills my day up...
And that is totally fine.
My point isn't to compare our "busyness."
My point is to acknowledge that you feel maxed out.
My point is, life is demanding.
Multiple things require your attention and you're pulled in a thousand different directions with no let-up in the foreseeable future.
So, what are you doing about it?
Are you in the mindset of : it is what it is.
Or : I'm ready to take the reigns and feel more in-control.
If you are feeling the latter, this post is definitely for you!


If you're feeling overwhelmed it may be because you're taking on too many responsibilities or it may be because you aren't prioritizing well.
A mentally strong person understands that in order to take care of others they must first take care of themselves.
You might be saying, taking care of myself is adding more to my already full lifestyle, so this isn't going to work for me.
STOP. Pause. Read the next sentence over and over if you have to.
YOU ARE WORTHY!
You are worthy of a life of enjoyment, compassion, meaning, purpose, connection, appreciation, and improvement!
The goal in taking care of yourself is developing a more balanced life.

In the same way that Rome wasn't built in a day, you won't become a master of balancing your life overnight.
But taking small steps and having accountability could be just what you need!
What am I suggesting to get you started?
Partake in a challenge I created for you!
What does this "challenge" entail?
Five daily tasks to encourage a simple positive change that inspire self care/love, that over time will become habit instead of choice. Once these habits form you will most likely find yourself feeling more at peace with all aspects of your life.

Complete these 5 tasks every day for 5 days in a row!

1. Make your bed.
2. Drink 1 glass of water before consuming anything else.
3. List 3 things you're grateful for.
4. Express thankfulness to one important person in your life.
5. Look in the mirror and say one thing you like about yourself.

I should put a disclaimer : *I don't claim to have the cure-all to every specific situation.*

If you need me to be your accountability person shoot me a message here, or head to my instagram and message me there! In your message include how best to reach you in order for me to check in with you [email - phone number - Facebook or Instagram messenger - etc.].

Love (yourself included) well,
Nicole

How To Battle Depression Like A Ninja

Do you ever feel your depression coming on?
Something triggers you and you're like, aw crud, here comes an episode.
That's not always the case.
Sometimes there is absolutely nothing that triggers me, it just happens.
Those times are more difficult to fight through because there are so many questions.
What set it off this time? Why did this come about? Why, why, why?
Once I realize I'm depressed sometimes it's almost easier to not fight it.
I give in, let it consume and deplete me.
When I feel it's gone on too long, I've had enough, or if I hadn't noticed for a while and finally realize I've been dealing with it for the past however long, I start looking for ways out.
There is no roadmap. No magic formula. Not one way that always works.
Every instance has proven difficult.
There are times I just want to rip my heart and brain out and swap them with ones that don't know this black hole, this solitude, this bitter taste in my mouth.
If you can relate, I want to hug this into you : You are not alone. You are not forgotten. You are loved!

*A little disclaimer : I do not take any medication for my depression.
It's a personal choice. You do whatever you need to in order to fight your depression,
if that includes medication - take it!*

Okay, okay...you opened this because you want to acquire ninja skills to combat your depression.

5 Ninja Skills To Conquer Depression

1. Spiritual Refinement 
Acquire a deep and accurate knowledge of yourself.
Know your strengths and weaknesses.
Figure out your triggers!
Triggers may or may not hurricane you into depression, so they're not always a warning sign, but once you know some root causes it's easier to find solutions to defeat it.
Ninja's engagement in combat is done from love and reverence [deep respect for something].
You must fight your depression out of your love and reverence for yourself and for others.

2. Swords + Blades 
Some battles will be over fairly quick, others will be attack after attack, and some may last so long you forget what your "happy" self feels like.
Mastering the tools in your toolbox/weapons in your arsenal are key to victory.
One tool should definitely be your breath.
In order to be a ninja you must find your slow inhale + exhale.
Take inventory of what weapons have worked in the past and try those techniques first.

3. Geography + Meteorology
You need to know the terrain and use your skills to navigate through.
You need to train to forecast and use subtle signals to predict upcoming conditions.
If you are journeying through a new/different depression than you've ever had before it is easy to be fearful.
Fearful of the unknown.
Not knowing where this road will take you, or what storm is coming can be paralyzing.
Take hope in this : you can conquer any landscape, any weather with a spirit of power, love, and self-discipline.

4. Disguise + Impersonation
Mimicking someone who isn't plagued with depression could very well be the only way you get out of your pit of darkness.
Mirror what you admire.
Reflect what you desire.
You are like the five people you hang out with most.
There are three types of toxic relationships: negative, controlling, and the tempters.
The tempters may be those described as "misery loves company."
I'm not saying ignore any and all people who battle depression because you do and they may be toxic.
I'm saying speak your truth to those people. Let them know what you're going through and if they're in the thick of their own episode you both may need to seek out other supportive relationships for the time being.
Make sure you are surrounding yourself with people who genuinely hope for your positive mental health.

5. Strategy + Escape
Ninja's always have multiple exit plans.
You need to figure out your ultimate goal and come up with numerous options that get you there.
Like I said in the beginning, there is no one way that will always work to get you out.
Set yourself up for success.
Research new strategies, new tools you can acquire.
Find people who are willing to trudge through battle with you.
Name it to tame it.
Sometimes even just saying, "I am depressed. I am feeling [fill in the blank : sad, scared, angry, hopeless, empty, aches + pains, etc.]." is enough to catapult you into wanting to find a solution.

Peace, hope + love be with you,
Nicole

The five ninja skills I mentioned were taken from this list of the 18 skills of the Togakure Ryu Ninja.